What advice would you give your mid 40s self?

[RetrainRetrain]

Following on from the mid-20s thread, I wonder advice people would give their mid-40s self?

Much fellow-feeling, @bellabelly . I’m in the same situation.

Prepare for the menopause, laser treatment for chin hair and eyes!! Take lots of supplements for out of control hormones! 😄

Your gums! When the dentist tells you to floss, bloody well floss! And panic and obsess but sort them out!

Reading glasses. I’m 48 and had a pair lying around seldom used until two years ago, when I suddenly started needing them. Now I really need to wear them on a chain around my neck as I can’t read any small print now, but I’m resisting it. 🤣

HRT as soon as you need it, don't delay.

For all those saying they wished they had tried HRT sooner, does it really help? I’m 49 and feel I’m must be in peri (can tick all the boxes on so many symptoms). I feel like crap every single day and have done for about 4 years. If I don’t go on it, will I be looking back in a few years and really wish I’d tried it? Haven’t tried it yet as a) I’m scare to and b) GP just keeps offering me antidepressants.

Following...

Following... although perhaps not following the pension advice. I wonder if the people advising to focus on pension would still say that for those that have to work till 70?

My pension is taking a hit as I've just taken a step back from work for my health, felt like I was working myself into an early grave. I think balancing health and saving for retirement is going to be a huge societal issue for my generation.

public sector pensions can only be taken at state retirement age.
I am iffy about pensions.

Definitely look after your knees, I have a tear in the miniscus of my right knee and its agony to walk. If your parents are still living talk to them about their parents and family when they were young. It is only now that I am in my 70s and doing my family tree that I wish I had asked the questions. I didnt know that my mother had lost two siblings when they were under 5 or what my dads childhood in a poverty sticken family of 10 children was like.

Same!

Stay calm and enjoy what you have.

If people treat you badly, it's because you let them. You are allowed to end relationships and friendships.

Yes it's important to pay off the mortgage, have a pension and have a rainy day fund. But it's also important to live now. Find a happy medium so you can have holidays and nights out too. Good health isn't guaranteed, and one day you won't be able to.

It's not worth getting badly stressed about work. You're just a cog in a machine at work, when you leave they replace you and carry on. Listen to your body, if it's stressed all the time it's trying to tell you something.

Don't let doctors fob you off when you feel ill. You know your body, and what's normal for you. A couple of blood tests within their normal range does not mean you are healthy when you really feel ill.

Find out what brings you joy, and do it.

You feel shit right now because you haven’t been able to have kids. But don’t worry. Grieve, let time do its work. A lovely, if different life awaits you.

He did my eyes too - my 30th gift to myself and the best choice ever. I have been without glasses for 11 years and it’s amazing.
my eyes were really bad before, -7/8 in each eye, so my glasses were super thick. I couldn’t see my hands clearly when my arms were outstretched. I now wake up and can see - I love it!
also reading rest of this for inspo!

@WheredidIputmymarbles @TheBikiniExpert
its working very well for me. Take a look in the menopause area for more info and watch Davina stuff. Also the balance website and podcast. There’s tons of info to available to help you know more.

Start paying into your workplace pension.

I am loving these. Here's my twopenneth as someone now fast approaching 48 and having a bit of a life overhaul.

Don't put yourself at the bottom of the list - you are entitled to care for yourself in the same way you care for others. If you continue to put everyone else first, you'll become resentful and that's not good for anyone.
Fill your cup first then fill others from the overflow.
Don't wait for things to stop being hard before you choose to be happy.
Do a life audit now - what brings you joy? What causes you to feel drained, miserable or bored? Then reduce the crap and increase the joy.
Listen more than you talk - this is often hard.
Start saying yes more - it might just surprise you.

Don’t move in with him yet, his kids and their mother will smash your mental health.

I love your list @BreathingDeep. I'm wondering what surprises came your way by saying Yes. And what sort of things you did to put yourslef first.

Travel, travel, travel. See the world, experience different cultures, ways of life etc. Don’t place too much importance on ‘things’. Learn to love your own company and rely on no one. Family is not everything, sometimes they are the most destructive beings in your life. Choose your friends carefully, if they will talk about others to you then they will talk about you to others. Try for a baby earlier than 39 so you have time on your side if you need it. Marriage is not a necessity, be self sufficient and self reliant but most importantly have FUN

Don't have an affair with that man at work.

If you split up because your ex was a dickhead it’s likely that most men of this age and older on dating sites are also ex’s of women who thought they were a dickhead!

Stop believing in “The one” or “soul mates” it’s just romantic nonsense.

Dont allow the weight to pile on else you will never get it off.

Get used to be irritable all the time.

Exercise, lose weight, look after your skin, pension, Learn to say No and don't be a people's pleaser.

Also HRT. Wished I started it sooner