To think this is just utterly cringe? (pregnancy related)

[MrsAlwaysRight1]

So, I'm due a baby soon and am on a group on Peanut for women due the same month, it's a very active group.

The other day someone posted saying 'can anyone think what to add to my order of wishes? This is going to be going on all our social media platforms.'

It's a bloody image of rules that they want people to follow after the birth like 'No asking if I've gone into labour, No photos without permission, No sharing photos without permission, no holding baby without permission, no unannounced visits.' etc etc, it goes on and on.

Loads of other women then commented and 'shared theirs' for 'inspiration.'

I'm sorry but I'm just cringing, it just seems so utterly self-absorbed?! Literally no one cares, I can guarantee you my friends aren't sitting there giving my impending birth much thought, let alone frothing at the mouth to take and post photos etc. I already foresee there'll be a couple of family members who DH and I might have to keep at bay for a few days once we're out of hospital as they are the pushy type, but if the situation arises, I'll talk to them directly about it then. Can't imagine posting such cringe shite all over my FB and Insta.

AIB grumpy, heavily pregnant lady U?

[mintich]

They'll soon wish they hadn't made all these rules after the first couple of weeks when everyone loses interest! Then they'll be wondering why no one wants to take a picture!
Fair enough telling people to wait a few days if they ask to visit. But putting something like that on social media as if everyone is dying to be involved is so cringe.

[SallyWD]

Oh my God, that's AWFUL! So lacking in self awareness.

[Nc58985]

YANBU at all! Hilarious 😂😂

[TheWrongAllmanBrother]

In my internal fantasy world I would absolutely love to do this and make everyone stick to it. Even though I know it would never happen.

In the real world - it’s incredibly self-absorbed and wanky to post and share something like this. It’s a no from me.

[devonianBiatch]

When my closest friends and daughter gave birth I knew they were in Labour and sent them positive thoughts ( in my own mind) and had a few quiet moments remembering my own experiences and Just feeling excited and a little jealous and nervous for them. I suppose like a sisterly spirit of love and solidarity? But I would never dream of being so pretentious or riding roughshod over their Boundaries etc.

Social media is CRAZY. My daughter is 23 and having her second. She often posts things like " amazing how everybody dawns over your belly but then nobody even bother coming to see your kid over they are 2 weeks old " type stuff. Desire the fact that I've assured that apart from the parents and grand parents NOBODY cares.

[courtrai]

But have you added your wishes. It's a while back for me but I'd include;

Someone to come and wind baby at least 4 x day (that was incredibly boring but necessary as I recall)
No one to visit unless they bring a dessert or pie
No gifts for baby but I'd like some new unstretched pants please

[SpeckledlyHen]

If someone posted that and I saw it I would read it as no-one ever is to have anything whatsoever to do with our baby and literally do that, have nothing ever to do with the baby.

[Laiste]

I already foresee there'll be a couple of family members who DH and I might have to keep at bay for a few days once we're out of hospital as they are the pushy type, but if the situation arises, I'll talk to them directly about it then

This is good, and i'm glad (and slightly envious) that you're that confident with being direct. It's also great that your DH has your back and you're singing from the same song sheet.

However, i think when the opposite is true, and people are struggling with situations they foresee, or feel they aren't necessarily going to backed up by their partner, i guess they feel like affirming their wishes beforehand in ways like you've described above helps them stick to their guns?

You only have to read MN for a while to see loads of posts about x, y, z coming round when they're ill, tired, wanting a bit of space and being ill equipped to deal with it.

[11Hawkins]

😂 and this is why I don't have social media anymore! Complete lack of social awareness!

Nobody and I mean nobody apart from the parents and grandparents really give a monkeys about you having a baby. People have babies every day!

[itsgettingweird]

@courtrai

But have you added your wishes. It's a while back for me but I'd include;

Someone to come and wind baby at least 4 x day (that was incredibly boring but necessary as I recall)
No one to visit unless they bring a dessert or pie
No gifts for baby but I'd like some new unstretched pants please

Can I add.

My front door only opens to people holding a hot fresh cup of caramel latte from costa!

Also I wish for people to hold my baby as ,I h as they want as long as they accept I'll be in bed sleeping when they do

[FriendlyPineapple]

Thing is, you just don't know how you'll feel once you give birth.

You might want peace and quiet to bond or whatever, you might want to announce the baby to the pridelands like Mufasa.

Being such a self-absorbed arsehole before the baby is even born pretty much guarantees you'll have no visits, offers to help, lunch meet ups with friends etc, lest they somehow offend you with their presence.

This really isn't normal OP, in case this is your first and you're not sure.

[anybloodyname]

@MrsAlwaysRight1 I think you should jump right in

Any visitor must commit to at least one load of washing - in , out , dried folded and put away

Any accompanying visitor must see to the bathroom and change my bed

All chocolate cake and naice biscuits are welcome

[MrsAlwaysRight1]

@Laiste

I already foresee there'll be a couple of family members who DH and I might have to keep at bay for a few days once we're out of hospital as they are the pushy type, but if the situation arises, I'll talk to them directly about it then

This is good, and i'm glad (and slightly envious) that you're that confident with being direct. It's also great that your DH has your back and you're singing from the same song sheet.

However, i think when the opposite is true, and people are struggling with situations they foresee, or feel they aren't necessarily going to backed up by their partner, i guess they feel like affirming their wishes beforehand in ways like you've described above helps them stick to their guns?

You only have to read MN for a while to see loads of posts about x, y, z coming round when they're ill, tired, wanting a bit of space and being ill equipped to deal with it.

So why not just message family and friends privately stating your wishes (still cringe AF IMO but slightly better) rather than splattering it all over Facebook and Instagram so everyone can see it?! It just seems so attention seeking.

[MrsAlwaysRight1]

@FriendlyPineapple

Thing is, you just don't know how you'll feel once you give birth.

You might want peace and quiet to bond or whatever, you might want to announce the baby to the pridelands like Mufasa.

Being such a self-absorbed arsehole before the baby is even born pretty much guarantees you'll have no visits, offers to help, lunch meet ups with friends etc, lest they somehow offend you with their presence.

This really isn't normal OP, in case this is your first and you're not sure.

It is my first and I did wonder.

Honestly, this group is crazy. The vast majority have had one of those gender reveal parties and nearly all have bitched because not enough people turned up, made enough effort etc. I'm like....it's literally a party to celebrate the sex of your baby......just why?! I wouldn't go to one either if I was invited.

I'm starting to see a not very nice side to motherhood tbh (meant genuinely) it really does seem to turn a lot of women into self-absorbed arseholes. And yes that probably goes for dad's/parenthood in general but this is a women's only group so am going off that.

[Laiste]

@MrsAlwaysRight1

It is my first and I did wonder.

Honestly, this group is crazy. The vast majority have had one of those gender reveal parties and nearly all have bitched because not enough people turned up, made enough effort etc. I'm like....it's literally a party to celebrate the sex of your baby......just why?! I wouldn't go to one either if I was invited.

I'm starting to see a not very nice side to motherhood tbh (meant genuinely) it really does seem to turn a lot of women into self-absorbed arseholes. And yes that probably goes for dad's/parenthood in general but this is a women's only group so am going off that.

Well, it sound like they aren't backwards in coming forwards after all 😂

To be honest i find the whole party for bloody everything ('engaged to be engaged', 'preg. announcement', 'reveal gender', 'baby's farted', type of personality hard to deal with. Social media just magnifies the whole thing!

YANBU after all.

[LoisWilkersonslastnerve]

I once went to the door of a friend who had a baby and there was a sign on the door giving times to come and what to do. Leave gifts in the shed etc I think she saw it as practical rather than rude but still, it did put me off going back. I put the card through the door and kept the gift.😂

[Hugasauras]

A pregnancy book I had had a template at the back for a list to put on the door where visitors had to pick some task they were going to help with before they came inside. It was like 'Provide one dinner, do one laundry load, make lunch for mama'. I couldn't believe it

I'm three weeks in with my second and any visitors have just come inside and chatted like, well, visitors

[Chattycathydoll]

I’d say YABU if it was just a couple of them bc they might have good reason (I wish I’d posted a blanket rule thing like this! I didn’t cut off any toxic family until after DD. They absolutely did care about the baby but for all the wrong reasons, turned up without permission, announced her birth before I did, competed over who the baby liked most, sent photos to my abusers… I didn’t have the courage to cut contact til that nightmare made me see sense but I might have shared a generalised boundary thing)

However with all of them doing it and social media sex reveal bs, YANBU and they sound very self important.

[SpeckofDustUponMySoul]

It may be that said person is being entirely self-abbsorbed, OR suffering from an unhealthy case of PFB syndrome...

Or, said individual might be experiencing lack of perspective from anxiety, or OCD, or really...anything.

You can be sneery about it, ignore it, or genuinely and helpfully suggest to said person that such a SM might not be taken in the right vein.

[Zilla1]

Good luck in your pregnancy, OP. Some mothers do have difficult relations but FWIW your instincts are right. I suspect these mothers may turn into those who become aggrieved that the baby doesn't become the centre of the relations' world or that another family members' baby whose parents are more reasonable gets some attention.

[wibblewobbleball]

I had severe antenatal and postnatal anxiety and depression, exacerbated by very VERY overbearing family excited for the arrival of their first grandchild. My therapist suggested I made a list of stuff like this and say with DH, so I could feel supported - things like nobody is to take the baby out of my arms without my say so (MIL did this every visit), if I go upstairs to "feed the baby" that's the queue that I'm tired/had enough and unlikely to come back down to entertain the guests. Sounds horrible, but it really helped me and it also helped my clueless Dh support me with bonding with DD in the early days. I would be absolutely mortified if the list was ever shown on social media as it was the workings of my quite poorly mind and if I wasn't so mentally unwell I would have felt better equipped to deal with things without the secret list!!! I can't imagine putting it on FB for everyone to see!!!!

[FriendlyPineapple]

I would gently back out of the group, they definitely don't seem like your sort of people. Imagine the awful bitchy competitve texts that will ensue once they babies have actually arrived. They'll all claim their babies have learned Russian at 6 months in order to read Dostoevsky in the original.

Fuck that! Run, don't walk.

[Plantlady10]

I dont really like lists of rules like that as it all seems quite negative..

However I really don't like/agree with the 'no one cares' mentality so many people seem to have on MN. Once my friends start having kids, I will be interested in the pregnancy/birth/baby and would think it odd not to care! Surely if you care about someone, you have an interest in the things that are happening in their life?

[ScarlettOHaraHamiltonKennedyButler]

God I remember being all pfb like this with my first. Not to the point of posting a list on social media but I was convinced that everyone was going to be obsessed with my baby and stressed myself out about how I was going to manage all of this intrusion.....which of course never happened lol. Reality is most people aren't in the least bit interested in other peoples babies and, for me anyway, I was sooooo grateful when people did come to visit and could hold him for half an hour to let me eat in peace.

When I had my second even immediate family weren't that bothered. Hardly anyone came to see us especially since she cried a lot so when people did come they left pretty sharpish.

Totally need to get over themselves.

[Notjustabrunette]

A friend of my husband had something like this. We just they were knob heads and we weren’t that interested in their baby.