To think this is just utterly cringe? (pregnancy related)

[MrsAlwaysRight1]

So, I'm due a baby soon and am on a group on Peanut for women due the same month, it's a very active group.

The other day someone posted saying 'can anyone think what to add to my order of wishes? This is going to be going on all our social media platforms.'

It's a bloody image of rules that they want people to follow after the birth like 'No asking if I've gone into labour, No photos without permission, No sharing photos without permission, no holding baby without permission, no unannounced visits.' etc etc, it goes on and on.

Loads of other women then commented and 'shared theirs' for 'inspiration.'

I'm sorry but I'm just cringing, it just seems so utterly self-absorbed?! Literally no one cares, I can guarantee you my friends aren't sitting there giving my impending birth much thought, let alone frothing at the mouth to take and post photos etc. I already foresee there'll be a couple of family members who DH and I might have to keep at bay for a few days once we're out of hospital as they are the pushy type, but if the situation arises, I'll talk to them directly about it then. Can't imagine posting such cringe shite all over my FB and Insta.

AIB grumpy, heavily pregnant lady U?

Wow that is nuts and quite insulting! How do they think all their friends and family successfully raised their own babies? Sometimes you need to get your DH to advocate for you when you are wiped out after the birth, but sending round a list of rules. Nope.

YANBU. They'll be on Mumsnet in a few months moaning that no-one wants to help with childcare.

Very over the top I do agree- but sometimes the only way to get people to recognise your boundaries and what you feel comfortable with is to be ridiculously brutal and over the top.

I think if I made rules like that before my baby was born I'd have saved myself from months worth of postnatal depression.

I had a "list" that I sent family. Not because I'm self absorbed but because some people genuinely don't think and just do what they please. On the list was no fb posts about him, no just turning up, no kissing on the lips ect ect....

That's bonkers. We did prefer not to have pics of DC on social media though. Something creepy about internet giants having data on your offspring within ten minutes of birth.

Also I realised pretty soon that it was better to apply a limit to how long visits would last after an 8 hour visit from in laws! Breastfeeding DD was hard, we had very little sleep, that was just too long to have people in the house. Might have been different if feeding and sleep had gone better!

Oh God, could you and the baby's dad not just speak to them?

I am sure after this post all over SM no one would even want to visit them when baby is 1 year old... I wouldn't bother trying to make an effort for such rude people. Rules are ok, but you can be way more gentle and classy about them.

Bil and sil had the pleasure of bils aunt and uncle visit them in hospital about an hour after dnephew was born. They were there anyway so thought they’d pop in…..

I just wouldn't bother with you, what an odd thing to do.

Let them get on with it. People could use a laugh.

Would never do it as yes it is cringe but some family/friends go absolutely fucking nuts once the baby arrives so having strong boundaries for everyone is a good thing. If this is their way of making sure those boundaries are adhered to then fair enough.

My wish list would say

Please come. Especially if you are good at babies/cleaning/washing/cooking... feel free to stay until they graduate.

YANBU it’s so self centred. My DC are older than my friends so I’ve noticed how much competition and self importance there is amongst new mums now. Some of my friends have become unbearable and even told me I will understand when I have dc, like they are so far down their own baby rabbit hole they forget my two exist! If a friend posted a list like that I’d step back until the baby was at least 1.

And then take them with you !

It makes me worry about making 'mum friends' tbh 🙁 I don't want to be lonely on Mat leave but equally, I just can't tolerate PBF (of which I will be one) type mum's, not even now before our babies are even born!

Please reassure me that it's possible to meet level-headed mum's?!

When I go and visit friends, I feel pleased with myself if I remember how many children they have and don’t mix up their DH’s name with their son’s name. I know I am not that unusual because all my friends double check this stuff when we go to weddings, christenings etc. These people are a bit deluded about how interested people actually are in their offspring.

Ugh no, awful. My BiL is like this with his. There's a twenty year gap between my now adult children and his PFB who has arrived very late in his life. Apparently he's worried we'll 'miss out' on seeing his kid if we don't see them often enough.... The fact is, I'm about as interested in his kid as he was in mine, which is to say, not very. 🤷‍♀️

Honestly cannot imagine doing this.

If I got something like that sent to me I'd assume the person didn't want me to visit, and would take the hint and drop out of their life.

Very cringe. I do admit that I'm pregnant now and I've told people a vague 'oh early February' as a due date when asked but I'm actually due 2 weeks before that towards the end of Jan. Cba with people always texting 'have you had that baby yet?' etc. And when it actually arrives it will either appear like it was bang on time or people might think its 'early' but they'll never remember what I said before

I'm pregnant with my third and literally no one cares 😂Although I've only actually told family, haven't made an announcement on Facebook because that's not me. I also intend to give this baby to whoever will have her for an hour or so once she's here just so I can get some rest. I'm not doing any cleaning immediately after getting out of hospital either so if you come you'll be doing baby sitting and quite possibly be sitting next to piles of washed, unfolded laundry. If that's no problem BIENVENUE.

No, don't worry @MrsAlwaysRight1 . You'll find plenty of people who hate all this nonsense too. They just don't make such a song and dance about everything so can be harder to spot. I found my tribe at an old fashioned noisy play group. Not baby yoga or anything like that. Just the kind of place that had harassed parents making dives across crumb covered floors to rescue baby Fred from ingesting his own shoes.

I'm starting to see a not very nice side to motherhood tbh (meant genuinely) it really does seem to turn a lot of women into self-absorbed arseholes.

Yeah, they'll get over it. Probably. There's loads of lovely mums, my husband said once 'it must be really nice being a mum, you can just walk about and if you need help, another mum would help you' which is sort of sweet because...does he think I'm 5 and next he'll suggest I ask a policeman? But also true, I'd help any mum who needed a hand in a cafe or at the park or whatever.

I did see a mum with a 'your germs are too big for me' sign on her pram and didn't quite manage to not laugh though because I'm a horrible person. Are people really throwing themselves inside prams so often that that's necessary? I always let little old ladies give mine a bit of a stroke if they wanted to but it was hardly a daily occurrence.

I mean I get wanting to set boundaries, particularly if you have especially erm enthusiastic friends and family but there are ways of expressing it nicely. Not all mums are like that, you've been unlucky so far. Look into groups near you for when baby is born, you could try a few and hopefully you'll meet some nice people.

Apologies, wrong thread.

Have requested to be deleted.