To think this is just utterly cringe? (pregnancy related)

[MrsAlwaysRight1]

So, I'm due a baby soon and am on a group on Peanut for women due the same month, it's a very active group.

The other day someone posted saying 'can anyone think what to add to my order of wishes? This is going to be going on all our social media platforms.'

It's a bloody image of rules that they want people to follow after the birth like 'No asking if I've gone into labour, No photos without permission, No sharing photos without permission, no holding baby without permission, no unannounced visits.' etc etc, it goes on and on.

Loads of other women then commented and 'shared theirs' for 'inspiration.'

I'm sorry but I'm just cringing, it just seems so utterly self-absorbed?! Literally no one cares, I can guarantee you my friends aren't sitting there giving my impending birth much thought, let alone frothing at the mouth to take and post photos etc. I already foresee there'll be a couple of family members who DH and I might have to keep at bay for a few days once we're out of hospital as they are the pushy type, but if the situation arises, I'll talk to them directly about it then. Can't imagine posting such cringe shite all over my FB and Insta.

AIB grumpy, heavily pregnant lady U?

Some people are really anal about shit like this.

I even saw a mum the other day with one of those “please don’t touch. Your germs are too big for me” plaques hanging from a buggy for her TODDLER!!

Said toddler had been crawling around on the grass chewing dirt not 10 mins ago

I agree OP, I often think that about things I see people writing on here too.

I am pregnant currently and would never issue a list of rules like this - as you say, everyone else's lives don't revolve around our babies!

A good friends daughter did that list and was then complaining 2 weeks later when she had no visitors!

Maybe our families are odd but nobody showed up until day two, and everyone checked with us first to see if we were up to visitors. We were and we got all visits over and done with in the two hour visiting slot.

There was one aunt who couldn't come that day so popped in the following week at home to us. She checked what time would suit, handed over the hand knitted cardigan, had a cuppa and a cuddle with the baby and left after less than an hour.

I don't visit anyone in hospital.

some people are so precious, you'd swear that they invented pregnancy and no babies existed before they had theirs

YANBU. How embarrassing. Is she under the impression she’s the first person to have had a baby? Or perhaps she thinks the impending arrival is in fact The Messiah.

Try not to worry about making mum friends. Millions of women have babies and they don’t all have the same personality type so the chances are you’ll meet someone who’s on your wavelength. I used to just make a beeline for the women who looked a bit knackered and confused, like me 😬

I know a couple like this , no one was allowed to know the second of the baby or see the baby for 2 weeks. Not even their parents, they are always moaning that they get no help with child care. I've always loved having visitors after having a baby.

I spent an inordinate amount of time in the labor and delivery waiting room during my complicated pregnancy because that is where I had to go to check in for monitoring and frequent check ups. It was often filled with very large families just hanging out while the woman was in labor. Frequently heard phrases included, “why is it taking so long”, “isn’t she done yet”, and “we just want to see the baby”. I found it absolutely horrifying. A woman is going through an intense physical event that is incredibly personal and intimate and already has to deal with being surrounded by medical personnel. She also knows her overbearing, increasingly impatient family is sitting in the lobby directing their frustration at her. If I had a family like that, I would make a list of “wishes” too.

It's a bit like a birth plan.

You put all sorts of things in it like 'water birth, no meds, birth positions etc.

But when it comes down to it, birth is such a primeval experience it all goes out of the window.

And you are just glad for anything it takes to get them into the world safe and sound. and get you through it.

My only publicly stated things are to not announce until we have, and not to kiss the baby. I do have a "your germs are too big" thing for the pram though after a woman id never met or spoken to before shoved my last son's dummy in his mouth while I was paying in a shop. Yes, he was crying, he always did. But he also had an airway disorder and

I'm starting to see a not very nice side to motherhood tbh (meant genuinely) it really does seem to turn a lot of women into self-absorbed arseholes

No, they are already self absorbed arseholes. This is just a bigger reason to perform their arseholery.

Sex not second

Hit post too early!

*as such we didn't want strangers handling him if we could avoid it.

Some rules are ott, for some people though it can really help if you struggle with voicing boundaries in the moment or worry that doing so would make something feel too much like it's directed at one person, when really it's a general "rule" that you want to keep to.

They sound interesting! I think it’s good to have an idea and husband/partner on board but no one knows how they will feel or what they will want.

It's pretty entitled, but then again I've lied about my due date so I don't get pestered. So not sure I'm much better.

Honestly it's so self-absorbed and just..... embarrassing. You'll find normal mums once you've had your baby OP, there's plenty out there.

FWIW I liked having visitors after I'd had my babies (not that we had loads and loads, just family and a few close friends because other than that..... nobody cares!) I just sat on the sofa, waved them in the direction of the kettle and the biscuits and maybe went for a much needed shower or lie down while they held the baby.

Also, the absolute best thing anyone did for me was my lovely DB and SIL brought round loads of food and filled my fridge and freezer with food that required no prep or just needed heating up. It was the best gift anyone got us by far!

I know some people need telling after the birth of a baby. Seen that on MN many times.

But God Alive.

I loved having visitors too, it was great having other people hold the baby so you could drink a cup of tea in peace etc etc :p

It does seem to be the done thing for first time mums on TikTok, have seen a lot of those rules lists.

Im with @PoleFairy - also due end Jan and haven’t told anyone the date, only a very rough end Jan/start Feb, cos my mum will absolutely be on the phone every single day asking if I’m in labour yet and trying to convince my dad to drive over long before the baby arrives. Already made the mistake of letting slip it’ll be a home birth so I haven’t even got the excuse of being in a hospital that doesn’t allow visitors on day zero!

Christ nobody cares that much about their PFB

It's a bit like when the Chilean miners came out - the first couple were interesting but by the time you got to six....

Ooh I like that and I'm going to steal this idea from you

My son and DIL had their first baby 3 1/2 months ago . Everyone was so excited to welcome him. She was induced and then had a cesarean so she was in hospital for 4 days. Only partners were allowed to visit. They sent us lots of pictures and videos on the family watts app chat. It was fantastic. We could see their beautiful boy every day and we could feel their joy....and exhaustion. DILs mum visited the day they came out of hospital . We were invited a few days later and said we would stay for whatever time suited them. DIL was feeling well so asked us to stay for longer than we expected. There were no rules. No one just turned up. When I had my babies no one just turned up. I would never have dreamt of doing that to anyone. They were so thrilled with him and my son was on paternity leave so we were sent pictures and videos every day. Everyone went when invited, took gifts and asked them if they wanted anything getting from the supermarket or treats they would like. I asked if I could send some pictures to a couple of dear friends. My mum did the same with her WI members. It was a truly special time.Neither of us do Facebook etc.They were pleased with the lovely messages they received back. Perhaps ,rather than rules and rules just have the one about nothing on social media until you have had a chance to announce your news and the one about waiting to be invited.. Set up a watts app group and send them pictures, so they feel involved and can share the excitement ,but don't need to visit you until you are ready.I shall never forget their joy. It was like Christmas x a billion. My son kept saying 'I'm a dad ,mum'. . The people who love you want to share the joy. Friends will love a photo or 2 and will go on with their lives. After the initial excitement you may be glad of a visit from a chum. In my experience, they usually come with cake and the are perfectly capable of making you a tea.

Maybe they have very difficult people in their lives with no boundaries, so this way, it's not aimed at anyone in particular and everyone gets it.

I'm not on social media, but I can't say I would be getting that worked up about it, it's a mother putting out her boundaries in a way she feels best. Its just a post on facebook

They sound bonkers. Seriously you’ll meet normal people. Antenatal classes, baby groups, mum & baby exercise class. I’ve never seen a mum to be put out orders like that. Obviously if there’s a specific medical need eg very premature baby then that’s different.

I think it can be quite a shock to the system for first time mums that ‘nobody cares.’

Younger mums especially, quickly find themselves isolated from their childless friends who have less commitments.

It can be hard and take time to find a new support network.

I wouldn’t post this personally although I agree that no one has the right to post pics of someone else’s child on SM but luckily most of the people I know have enough awareness to ask first.

Id suggesting picking apart how others want to parent before yours has ever arrived is a mistake we all make. Hopefully you will look back on yourself when baby is one with fresh eyes and sympathy for both yourself and this other woman.