To think this is just utterly cringe? (pregnancy related)

[MrsAlwaysRight1]

So, I'm due a baby soon and am on a group on Peanut for women due the same month, it's a very active group.

The other day someone posted saying 'can anyone think what to add to my order of wishes? This is going to be going on all our social media platforms.'

It's a bloody image of rules that they want people to follow after the birth like 'No asking if I've gone into labour, No photos without permission, No sharing photos without permission, no holding baby without permission, no unannounced visits.' etc etc, it goes on and on.

Loads of other women then commented and 'shared theirs' for 'inspiration.'

I'm sorry but I'm just cringing, it just seems so utterly self-absorbed?! Literally no one cares, I can guarantee you my friends aren't sitting there giving my impending birth much thought, let alone frothing at the mouth to take and post photos etc. I already foresee there'll be a couple of family members who DH and I might have to keep at bay for a few days once we're out of hospital as they are the pushy type, but if the situation arises, I'll talk to them directly about it then. Can't imagine posting such cringe shite all over my FB and Insta.

AIB grumpy, heavily pregnant lady U?

Let’s face it, most of the comments on this thread are scathing and cruel towards this woman. Is it deserved?

Yes.

Friends daughter told her parents and inlaws that they wanted to be left entirely alone for 2 weeks to bond with their baby. She phoned her mum after 2 days,sobbing down the phone, begging her to visit .

She phoned her mum after 2 days,sobbing down the phone, begging her to visit .

That's the part I worry about with this thing of saying no-one can visit, which seems really common. Humans weren't designed to have a baby alone in a house on their own. We were (are) tribal.

I guess this sort of thing is 'social media escalation' - women expecting their 1st are looking to see what people do and these become expectations for some, whether it be photoshoots in hospita;l with fully made up mum and baby in custom-made gown and bedlinen with baby's name embroidered on it (this is a thing I have seen) or apparently these lists. It is a bit daft, I wouldn't necessarily dunk on that mum, she might just think this is what people do as social media tends to distort what's normal a bit.

Honestly I think everyone will find they're too bloody tired and all-over-the-place to be enforcing any 'rules' once the baby comes!

I've seen lots of tiktoks about messages new mums are sending their friends and family and I'm a bit 😳I wonder if once the dust has settled they'll be a little bit mortified they acted like that.

The only one I kind of get is the unannounced visit one, I think it's much easier to kindly reply to a message that you're not up to visitors than it is to turf them out when they're there. Some however are absolutely crazy.

I'd start my list of wishes with an instruction that nobody is to call my baby 'baby' (eg can I hold baby, how's baby doing). It makes me want to scream. What's wrong with 'the' baby, 'your' baby etc? But anyway, as you were. And yes, the 'list' is utterly awful.

OMG, I was Facebook friends (an acquaintance, rather than a real-life friend) with someone who did this. She is a very earth-mother type, into Wiccan stuff, very keen on everything being 'natural' and one of her rules was that nobody would be allowed to hold her baby because she would be wearing it in a sling 24/7. I also remember that one of her rules went something like 'I know everyone will be desperate to see our little one, and we will invite you to meet her when we feel she is ready, but please don't ask us to send photographs in the meantime.' I remember thinking 'Yeah, pretty sure nobody is actually going to do that, love.'

My favourite response on the post was the first one, which was from someone saying (totally without malice, which somehow made it miles funnier to me), 'Aw, didn't know you were pregnant.'

Self indulgent twaddle from the instagram generation of gender reveal parties and cake smash look at me twittery

You might want peace and quiet to bond or whatever, you might want to announce the baby to the pridelands like Mufasa.

This is also true, I remember thinking I would be overwhelmed by visitors pots birth, but we had a long stint in NICU after my daughter was born, by the time we got out I had to physically stop myself waving her around Infront of strangers in the street so they could tell me how beautiful she was!

I sent my mum and friends about 295729 pictures per day of her in those first few months too 🤦🏻‍♀️ mortified 😂

I'm pregnant and tried Peanut but it wasn't for me, partly because it kept asking me to pay to see who was "waving" at me, and partly because it seemed very American. Just because other women are also pregnant it doesn't mean we will have similar personalities and automatically be friends. I'm sure you will meet other mums if you go along to different baby groups that suit your interests.

It is interesting in that those women who post all this bs are the ones who then get hysterical when nobody shows interest in their baby. Or they have a crisis and everyone just shrugs and tells, them to deal with it. One of my sisters-in-law was like that, huge list before baby born (days before social media) sent by post and email to everyone. Had baby. My brother is on long haul. She has some sort of emergency and we all ignored her, because we had been told to by her before the birth. Now she doesn't talk to most of us because we didn't respond and dash to help. She never told us what the emergency was, even at the time!!! Silly cow.

With my first and second baby I felt the intrusion of family coming over when I just wanted to hide and learn my new baby, when I said I was struggling with all the visits and the sheer amount of time the stayed. They laughed and came more. I ended up with really bad pnd. With my third I send everyone a message saying under no circumstances that anyone was to visit for 2weeks. The door would not be opened and you would be sent away. I was called selfish and unreasonable but I needed to look after my own mental health and it was the best decision for me. After the 2weeks we did a time slot and they left after 2hours. Both me and dh have a large family that are over helpful and intrusive naturally but I like quiet and peace.

Someone is welcome to give me a list of rules. I would just be bemused and not visit them.

I honestly thought the first few weeks/months of having a baby would be drinking tea and eating cake while snuggled up watching TV with DH as baby slept peacefully. I think a lot of people think this (but won't admit it). I even planned to take up new hobbies on maternity leave.

There were of course peaceful moments at points but the reality was nothing at all like I expected even though people tried to warn me, I just didn't want to hear it.

Hormones have a lot to answer for. I cried that DH's family were planning to stay with us (not because I don't like them, I just didn't think I'd cope) and cried when they left - infact I persuaded them to stay longer.
I don't remember lots of visitors.

I love this post.

So natural, open and honest about how new mums do feel.

I'm really glad your baby made it through NICU and you got to show her off

This thread has made me almost wish I was pregnant just to join a group for the shits and giggles. However as I had a hysterectomy last week that ain't gonna happen 🤣

It does feel like the pressure is being piled on and new mums won't be able to always tell what's useful and necessary from what's just some idea spread on social media.

@worraliberty what difference does it make if it's a message or in person??

@xippo for not wanting my child shared across social media?or even more to the point the fact that he had arrived. It's our news to share. for not exposing my baby to harmful germs? Why is that odd?

@FriendlyPineapple thats strange that you would drop someone for setting up some boundaries.You don't agree so you drop them🤷🏻‍♀️

It's not the boundaries that are the problem. It's that the method of communicating them is so manifestly rude that I would assume that anyone who sent them to me was using them as a way to say 'please fuck off'.

We never did this with either of ours and won't be doing it this time either! Just explain your rules to people when they arrive. For example, we are very strict on not putting our childrens pictures on social media, so said to everyone that came to visit, feel free to take pictures but don't post them anywhere! Please don't kiss baby until they've had their first lot of vaccines etc. no one had any problems with this and have all been very respectful of our wishes.

@FriendlyPineapple no one that I sent it to us a problem with it. Dont see why it makes a difference if it's a text or in person🤷🏻‍♀️Definitely not saying fuck of to anyone, just my wishes for my baby🤷🏻‍♀️

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