To despair that so many people have appalling table manners?

[Redpanda99]

Maybe I am just old fashioned, but when did it become acceptable for people to make loud slurping and lip smacking noises, chew with their mouths open, talk with their mouths full, scrape their fork against their teeth with every mouthful...aaargh!!! Whatever happened to good table manners? How can people eat and drink so noisily with no consideration for the people they are with? Surely it can't just be me who finds it disgusting? It gives me the rage!

I think it's horrible too. But I guess it self-regulates, in the sense that 'birds of a feather stick together' - if you're the sort of person who minds disgusting, inconsiderate eating habits then you'll give people who eat like that a very wide berth.

I only notice it when I'm forced into an unusual situation, such as being on a long train journey, where I end up witnessing what no-one should have to witness in terms of sights, sounds and smells.

I think a French film director in the 60s made a film where the taboos on eating and going to the loo were reversed (can't remember his name!). It was OK to go to the loo in public but if you wanted to eat you'd discreetly excuse yourself, lock yourself in a small room and have your meal! If you think about it, eating is potentially pretty repulsive - but anyone with a bit of imagination and consideration for others modifies their natural urges (to stuff their faces, munch enthusiastically, talk when doing so, drop bits from their mouths, burp, pick teeth, clean their teeth with their tongues etc etc) for the sake of other people. Well - you'd hope so.

Talking with your mouth full is a bit gross but 'the wrong hand' is a load of tripe.

This.

I am a left-hander brought up by two left-handers and all 3 of us consider fork in right hand to be the wrong way round. My right-handed DS seems to prefer it this way and I'm concentrating on him using cutlery neatly and effectively and not telling him to switch hands but it doesn't silently irritate me.

I think it's easy to slip into bad manners when there's any kind of fussy eating. When they were toddlers we were very much of the opinion that if they are voluntarily eating vegetables but stabbing at them or using fingers then let's not distract them from the actual consumption. But now we are trying to work harder on installing better manners.

It will never stop annoying me though when the wrong way round is referred to as the left-handed way.

Agree with some PPs, there is no 'wrong hand' but there is a 'wrong way' to use cutlery. Using a fork as a shovel just to get the food in faster is a bit grim no matter what hand it's in.

It sounds like some of you either a) eat out an awful lot with a lot of different people, or b) spend too much time worrying about what strangers on other tables are doing instead of enjoying your own meal and the company of those you're with.

Was going to say this!

having worked with kids and adults with dyspraxia, apraxia and other coordination issues, whichever way around facilitates comfortable, independent eating is the right way!

cutlery in the ‘right’ hands isn’t good table manners.

eating well, enjoying a meal, being respectful and thanking the cook/host is good table manners.

The worst thing for me is noise - slurping and lip smacking. It’s not necessary.
I’m not too bothered re elbows but I have brought up my DCs not to do it.
Also using a knife and not fingers!

Perhaps you should ask yourself why something as ridiculous as someone holding their ‘fork in the wrong hand’ winds you up? I can understand sloppy table manners such as talking with mouth full, which is absolutely gross. But really, someone holding their fork in a different hand to you? Get a grip.

My table manners are impeccable but I’m left handed. I cannot help holding my fork in the ‘wrong’ hand. The fact that this offends you so much is pathetic. Have you ever tried to force yourself to use your non dominant hand to write? It’s not natural, is it? These old fashioned, nonsensical etiquette ‘rules’ that make children and adults uncomfortable. have to die a death.

Elbows on the table causes difficulties for waiting staff trying to clear the table. It can also block conversation along that side of the table. Not every convention is just made up for the sake of it.
Of course in many if not most settings it doesn’t matter, so common sense should be used.

I don't understand what you mean by left handed people using their cutlery the "wrong" way. If anything they use it the "correct" way. At a restaurant the cutlery is laid out with the fork on the left and the knife on the right. It is the right handed people who switch their fork to the right hand if not using the knife, therefore using the "wrong" hand.

My mother blames baby led weaning for a lot of poor table manners as she says kids grow up used to using their hands - apparently it wasn't a "thing" back in her day when she had me and she wouldn't have stood for such lack of table manners 😂

As a leftie brought up in a family of lefties we all use our cutlery in the correct way - fork in the left hand and knife in the right. I am as left handed as they come (struggle to do anything useful with my right hand) but can absolutely use cutlery correctly thank you v much.

Table manners such as holding your knife and fork in the wrong hand, elbows on the table, when you can start and finish are nothing but made up bullshit in order to look down your nose at other people, and quite frankly they are discriminatory.

Other cultures/communities will have different etiquette. Disabled people, children, the elderly might struggle with all of these made up rules. Modern foods require different eating styles using your hands and other utensils.

So in all honestly you are being ridiculous and quite nasty. Enjoy your food and pull the stick from up your arse.

This thread is all from a particularly British viewpoint. I have some extended family from Morocco... knives and forks are redundant, lip-smacking and loud praise are required.

I remember years ago that there was an advert for some Italian food (can't remember what) that showed a group of people having a lovely, informal meal and breaking all the rules - it was fab and showed how utterly rigid and ridiculous our ideas around table manners are.

Yes, noisy eating and talking with your mouth full is grim, but worrying about stuff like elbows on the table is just daft. I tend to lean towards thinking that rigidity around this sort of thing actually goes past the point of good manners and into Hyacinth Bucket type behaviour - making too much effort to be smart shows that you're not...

But then again, I have a strong preference for informal settings/socialising so probably my own prejudices creeping in.

What makes my teeth itch is people who think it's ok to fart or belch during meals or when eating.

I don't want to smell your digestive fumes when eating

Says a sanctimonious right handed person in a right handed world!

Do you think their left hand should be tied behind their back k to "cure" them

That's what happened to my dad.

Not eating properly when you are perfectly capable of doing so is inconsiderate to other diners
But you crack on with your rudeness 🙄

I'm also left handed, I eat fork in my tight and knife in my left. That's correct for me, I don't need to follow the right handed world. If people don't like it, they can not eat at the table with me?

Why any one would be irritated by my cutlery etiquette I don't know!

Says a sanctimonious right handed person in a right handed world
I'm a sanctimonious left-handed person in a right-handed world. Never felt the need to use my cutlery the wrong way round. Nor to write with an exaggerated clawed round hand over the top of each line.

Misophonia is real.

No elbows on the table actually derives from sailors.

tables used to be hung from the ceiling so that as the boat rocked the tables would remain straight and if you put your elbows on the table it would upturn everyone’s dinner.

back on land this developed to ‘only sailors/workmen put their elbows on the table’ and was indicative you were working class.

I'm right handed and have my fork in my right hand as do most people I know. Why would I use my left hand which is no way near the use of My right to feed myself?

One of the most dumbest rules I've ever heard.

Slurping cools the food down and shows appreciation to the host.

Lockdown is to blame for everything!!

Not in my culture it doesn’t, it is considered very rude.