To despair that so many people have appalling table manners?

[Redpanda99]

Maybe I am just old fashioned, but when did it become acceptable for people to make loud slurping and lip smacking noises, chew with their mouths open, talk with their mouths full, scrape their fork against their teeth with every mouthful...aaargh!!! Whatever happened to good table manners? How can people eat and drink so noisily with no consideration for the people they are with? Surely it can't just be me who finds it disgusting? It gives me the rage!

Funny, I was thinking about this only today. My BIL has disgusting table manners. He eats with his mouth open, clinks his fork against his teeth, leans over his food and even burps. It’s like eating with a farmyard animal. In general, he’s a good-hearted, kind man (which obviously matters much more), but his manners are grotesque (he’ll take his shoes and socks off and put his feet on my parent’s coffee table, for example).

When I was a kid (in the 1980s), people were red hot on table manners. If I went to a friend’s house, it was drummed into me “to eat nicely” and then say “thank you for having me”. We weren’t a wealthy family who had dinner parties or anything like that btw. We were just ordinary, suburban working class.

When people run down the young, I’m always a bit sceptical. I doubt the young are any better or worse than they were fifty years ago. But I must admit I’ve noticed a decline in table manners, especially among young girls. It’s so unattractive. I don’t mind ditching some of the silly taboos (like elbows on the table) but ffs don’t eat like a pig at a trough, don’t eat with your mouth open, don’t make loud smacking sounds with your lips and learn how to hold a **ing knife and fork. Watching a beautiful 20-year-old woman hold her knife and fork like a clumsy toddler is pathetic (and ugly).

Personally, I hate bad etiquette, the worst offenders are those who drink pints whilst in a restaurant. Pisses me off. I just think some people have no awareness of where they are, it's embarrassing.

Is that you Hyacinth? 😄

I'm struggling to see what is bad etiquette about drinking a pint of beer/Coca Cola/other drink with your meal.

Good table manners are important. They've helped me to feel comfortable dining with people far grander than me. I don't enjoy eating with people with poor manners. It's not a posh thing as I'm not from a posh background.

It doesn't, however, it feels like bringing the pub into a dining experience.

Personally at gatherings, and events I like to read the room, then follow the accepted norm, having etiquette means I can eat at Polo, and in Rural Russia/Lithuania, with the in-laws, who do not use cutlery.
That way I'm accepted and don't cause offense. It's like when you greet someone, customs differ from around the world, it's best to be AWARE, and do as the Romans do.
When I met my in-laws, I had to tuck my shirt in, no skinny jeans, give reverence to močiutė, eat how they ate, and basically not be a plonker. I was being judged and scrutinized.
And you must do this to be accepted.
blogs.transparent.com/russian/vodka-drinking-etiquette/
Traditional drinking was a scary experience, in the beginning, but now I'm usually in the last man standing group.😂
Without my intense parental guidance as a young child, I'd be none the wiser.

Some haven't got a bloody clue, like Sil, I might seat her and others at a trough.
Judgment is about standards, some have, some don't. It is wilful ignorance.

Aintnosupermum ·

It would be a lot easier if school had proper sit down meals where there was a member of staff eating with the children. I’m doing my part at home but it’s made very much harder when I’m the only one doing it.

Something else for teachers to fit into their ridiculously heavy workload. We fought for years to have our lunchtimes free. It would have to include teachers to have a reasonable ratio of staff to children.

it feels like bringing the pub into a dining experience.

I guess we eat at different types of places from you - often in pubs or Indian restaurants where drinking a pint of beer with your meal is perfectly acceptable.

It doesn't, however, it feels like bringing the pub into a dining experience.

God, you're serious! 😧

No pints in a restaurant!? I think that's hilarious. And if you know Zimbos, which your posts says you do, I dare you to try to convince a Zimbo man that a pint is not appropriate! But then there was someone on here the other day who was being mocked for liking white wine so I guess the world is full of people who have silly little rules.

Having said that, I completely agree that lots of people don't bother to teach their children how to behave and seem to think that making their children happy in the moment is more important than anything else. I spent the weekend at a variety of events for children and while, of course, the vast bulk of families and children behaved fine, there was a small but noticeable minority at each event where children and/or parents behaved in an extraordinarily entitled and rude way. I was exhausted by it by the time I got home on Sunday and told DH that I can't be doing all weekend of this sort of activity again!

I eat almost all my food with my hands most of which I grow, I couldn’t care less about table manners to be honest I can’t believe people fill they’re lives worrying about this stuff. We have such a short time on this earth I wish people would live and let live.

feels like bringing the pub into a dining experience.eels like bringing the pub into a dining experience.

That's just utterly ridiculous.

Surely you aren't seriously suggesting that it is rude to have a beer with your food in a restaurant?? Plenty of pubs are also restaurants and will serve you a beer with the food if you want one.

My elderly mother likes a half pint of ale with her meal if we go out to eat. Is that also uncouth?

I'm currently in Spain (Mediterranean coast) and large beers with food is pretty much the norm in the restaurants here.

If you hate seeing cutlery in the "wrong" hand then yes, you are old fashioned and judgemental.

I don't know about judgmental, but here's some news for you. Some people are left handed. That means they write with their left hands. I know, weird.

It also means that some people use their knife and fork the other way round. It is not wrong. And some right handed people use their fork with their right hand if they don't need a knife for that particular meal or part of meal (like me).

Most "manners" are simply affected nonsense.

However, eating with your mouth full and making lots of noise is a bit disgusting. Fortunately I don't eat with people who do that.

I use my fork in my right hand and also use my cutlery correctly, thank you very much.

I don’t know anyone who does any of this🤷‍♀️

The op would hate our house. We set the table with the cutlery the ‘wrong’ way around as everyone in the household uses it that way. Both DH and I are right-handed but grew up using cutlery this way, and dcs have followed this naturally. Perhaps it’s genetic?

There are also bottles of beer on the table quite often…

There aren't many excuses for noisy, messy eating but I realise I do some of things people here are pissed off about.

I'm usually one of the first to tuck in once food has been served, but this is very specifically because I hate eating cooling/cold food. It has to be hot or I just won't eat it. My in laws spend ages faffing around before every meal trying to be the most polite by not starting first. I've given up trying to fit in with that because I got fed up with miserably eating cold food.

There's another factor to it, which also applies to children sitting at the table (for no good reason) until everyone else has finished. Growing up pretty much the only time we ever spent with our father was the nightly dinner table. He wasn't a very nice man. I ate quickly and was desperate to get away from the table to avoid him. Sitting there while he told us all what to think as he took ages with his meal gave him more of a chance to find a reason to berate or beat us. I don't treat my children like this but I also don't insist they wait for everyone else to finish eating before disappearing - as long as they're polite about it - because I can't find any good reason to do so and because it gives me the shivers.

However my father, a stickler for manners, also eats appallingly badly - mouth open, food flying everywhere, a misophonist's nightmare. I find it pretty unpleasant to be around but the fact is he can't help it. He was involved in an appalling accident before I was born and his jaw was smashed up. The doctors put it back together but he can't use it properly. He can't open and close his mouth or eat in the same way as other people, it's a case of getting around his limitations. I can see how some of the snobs on here would take this but what would you suggest he do? Only eat in private?

Why are people who think good table manners are important being called snobs?
That's bloody ridiculous

It's tricky to know who to quote.
As children we learned how to dress a table, seating arrangements, how to sit, order of the course's, how to converse, etc, etc.
You could not be excused either for a toilet trip or leave it when you had finished. You had to wait.
It was an event visiting the grandparents, family and friends, she put so much effort into preparing the gathering.
This was my dad's side, my mum's side were the complete opposite 😂😂.
A pretty similar feel to visiting the wife's Russian/Lithuanian family back in her home, lots of traditions and customs.
Good fun.

I don't like people drinking pints round the pool either.😂😂😂
Pints are for after the meal away from the table.
I hate people who eat on the go as-well.😬😂
And finger sucker lip smackers.

DP does say I can be an insufferable snob.
But it's not the driver, it's about some aspects of life being the best, finest, being enjoyed etc.
We have a massive table in the kitchen, it's the hub at gatherings.

Why are people who think good table manners are important being called snobs? That's bloody ridiculous

I think there is a difference between good manners - eating with your mouth closed, not talking with your mouth full, not slurping your soup, and pointless etiquette - holding your knife and fork in opposite hands, putting salt and sauces all over your food instead of on the side of the plate.

DP does say I can be an insufferable snob.

And you don't think they have a point?

YANBU. But it often isn't taught to people. My own parents didn't teach me how to use table manners and I had no idea how to use a knife and fork until a grandparent taught me! I wouldn't say mine are amazing but they're passable. I will put my elbows on the table at times if nobody is beside me if it's comfortable as that's just such a nonsense tradition for the sake of tradition.

There are friends I simply can't eat with because of the way they eat. Licking and sucking their fingers makes me physically cringe. I turn down invitations to eat with them as seeing what they do turns my stomach and makes it hard to enjoy the meal.

I agree OP. The number of people who can't hold a knife & fork correctly also winds me up. I was taught dinner manners at home by my family & at school by my teachers - sadly this no longer seems to be common practice (in the UK at least).

ut it's not the driver, it's about some aspects of life being the best, finest, being enjoyed etc
If its about life being enjoyed, the drink of your choice sitting by the pool or with your meal sounds like it ticks that enjoy life box. Not being allowed to go to the loo if you need it at mealtimes sounds awful.

My friends husband eats with his elbows out flapping around, shovelling food in his mouth and it gives me the ick- he’s otherwise a pretty cool sophisticated guy- always surprises me

As children we learned how to dress a table, seating arrangements, how to sit, order of the course's, how to converse, etc, etc.
You could not be excused either for a toilet trip or leave it when you had finished. You had to wait.

Bloody hell, glad I didn't grow up in that house!