To despair that so many people have appalling table manners?

[Redpanda99]

Maybe I am just old fashioned, but when did it become acceptable for people to make loud slurping and lip smacking noises, chew with their mouths open, talk with their mouths full, scrape their fork against their teeth with every mouthful...aaargh!!! Whatever happened to good table manners? How can people eat and drink so noisily with no consideration for the people they are with? Surely it can't just be me who finds it disgusting? It gives me the rage!

We were out to dinner last week and there was a table of, I'd guess 16-year-olds, opposite.

There were 6 of them and not one of them could eat with their mouths closed. It was like a group of cows chewing the cud - utterly revolting.

Really bad English there, but you get my drift.

Completely agree!!

I wondered the same thing. 😆

I've said it before and I'll say it again - it makes no sense to even have an opinion about which hand people hold their knife and fork.

Sure, it's gross to talk with your mouth full, chew with your mouth open, slurp and scrape. Elbows on the table I dislike (for no good reason really but my own mother used to tell me off for it!) but in non-formal settings it doesn't bother me.

The other stuff I always pick my children up on. And my husband, who (genuinely not joking) I told on one of our early dates that I couldn't continue a relationship with a man who chewed with his mouth open. Lucky for him, he was able to stop doing that

Should you eat pizza with a knife and fork, or are fingers acceptable? What about fish and chips? Where should the dessert spoon be placed when laying the table? Must I wait for the host to begin eating, or am I expected to dig in as soon as my plate is in front of me?

Table manners seem to vary according to context. I find the whole thing fascinating. Can’t get worked up about it though.

Of the things mentioned on this thread, tilting a soup bowl away from you has a good practical and safety reason - if it slips or you drop it you don’t get a lap full of hot soup!

I think it does sometimes make a difference which hand for knife and fork, because the majority I've seen who use their dominant hand for a fork face the tines up and use it like a shovel, often accompanied by slurping, chomping, lip smacking, talking with mouth full. DF is left handed and uses his cutlery the 'wrong ' way round but still tines down no shovelling, no issue with that.
We had a very long day today, DS ate dinner as soon as we got home, DH and I decided to wait until he was in bed and just have some light supper. DS came down to get some water and told us we shouldn't be eating our dinner on the sofa. I was secretly a bit pleased, it means proper meals at the table are the norm for him. We do wait for everyone to sit before we eat and he does ask if he wants to leave the table before everyone is finished, he's only 3 so if we're lingering I don't expect him to just stay seated if we haven't got company, but I think it's polite to ask. I grew up very working class so I don't think this is snobbery it's how I was raised, you respect the time and effort of the cook and use a meal as an opportunity to talk as a family.

Gawd! I hope I don't slurp too much but my daughter had made a big pot of Italian style ham and bean soup tonight. There really is no genteel way to eat such a delight. Obviously you dont want to see people acting like pigs at troughs, but it seems a bit daft to get worked up about place settings and what hand you hold a particular piece of cutlery in

Just to point out that being in a ratio of one adult to two children at home there is probably a better chance of being a good role model for table manners than one adult and 20 children at school, especially if those children are desperate to get outside and play with their friends.

It does help children especially neurodiverse children when they see the standards that their parents are aiming for in wider society, otherwise it just seems that their parents are nit picking.

Not all children have the opportunity or ability to just pick table manners up by osmosis from home.

We even take a table set camping, but it's still a losing battle for a child with poor co-ordination, senistive to pressure, and a fragile, perfectionist temper for being corrected. It would be wonderful if more food successfully made it to his mouth via cutlery than ending up on the table/ floor/ his lap.

Went out with some friends for a meal recently and I realised that I was speaking with my mouth full 🥴 but we were chatting, so what are you supposed to do 🤷🏼‍♀️
Im cutting up my food and putting it in my mouth, then I get asked a question and they are all waiting for an answer. I feel so bad when I think about it.

Depends on the violation. Elbows on the table is a completely arbitrary rule and not in the least bit worth caring about. But making actively annoying chewing/slurping sounds is bloody annoying.

Some homes can't even accommodate a dining table these days. Size of them is pathetic and they are called family homes.

My DSS holds his knife and fork like a caveman with elbows right outwards. I probably sound like such a snob but it just looks so awkward to eat and we’ve tried to show him how much easier it is to cut things if you hold the utensils in the correct way. Trouble is, he them goes back to his mum’s and our hard work is undone 🤷‍♀️

Can anyone explain why so many people, especially women and girls, now hover a hand in front of their mouths while eating? I find that weird and distracting. It’s almost as though they’re hiding they’re eating but don’t realise that they’re making more of a ‘thing’ about it. Sometimes I just want to tell them to put the hover-y hand down and eat like a normal peron. I don’t though because I have manners. 🤐🙂

Waiting until everyone has their food is important to me and I sometimes have to nudge DH if we’re out with friends. Cutlery in wrong hands isn’t … I eat left handed. Talking with mouth full or chewing open mouthed is horrible.

I think you’re doing your kids a disservice if you don’t set a few rules at home. They need to know how to behave when they’re older and eating out.

I have a friend whose kids (late teens) are always first up at a buffet, piling their plates high with no regard for anyone else. Would grab the last slice of pizza without asking if anyone else wants it … embarrassing at that age.

Why is it still ok to bully lefties about cutlery? I thought we knew better than to try to bully the left handedness out of people!?

Chewing with mouth open, etc. is gross though.

Class has nothing to do with table manners. Anybody can learn how to eat correctly without irritating others
Nothing to do with not having a table either, people can eat properly at a picnic, BBQ etc

Manners are about considering other people. If the way you eat makes other people uncomfortable then it’s bad manners. I’ve never heard of ‘the wrong hand’ and can only imagine it’s some Victorian left over prejudice against lefties. The rest: shovelling up food, chewing with your mouth open, talking while chewing, leaving the table as soon as you’ve finished, the things that make it unpleasant for other people eating with you, those are bad manners.
I have a friend who’s teenage son mashes his food with his fork before shovelling it up, makes me want to vom.

Having just come back from holiday, I was struck by the number of people who simply can’t hold a knife and fork correctly.

You put less food in your mouth at a time so when you need to talk it's easy to swallow quickly. Or you just wait until you've finished your mouthful!

I'm not sure it ever became acceptable, just that it is not challenged as often.

Fore me the worst is starting to eat before everyone is sat down and then gobbling up the food

I don't think people keep their elbows on the table whilst actively cutting up their food - that would take some pretty impressive contortions! They rest them there when not using cutlery (finger foods or before/after eating) or just the unused arm if using only one piece of cutlery (eg soup).
If it's extremely annoying sitting next to someone with their elbows on the table, perhaps your table is a little small for the number of people seated? Regardless of your views on the habit, it would cause you no practical issues at our dining table as there is plenty of space between each setting.