Prom Queen??? Really??

[FraeYah]

My niece was voted Prom Queen. She is a really lovely girl, kind and clever, and I wrote something lovely on the FB post.
But, come on. Why are schools promoting this nonsense? I'm not objecting because it's an American idea, and not because its aimed at girls (there was a Prom King...and a Prom prince); but because it's completely unnecessary and about as relevant as Miss World. They could have had a fun celebration in fancy clothes for everyone, without having to run an outdated "popularity contest" pitting children against each other.

My son went in for Prom Queen. Not sure who made the final decision but he didn't win, however he and his mates still maintain he was the 'student's choice'. That was nearly 15 years ago when diversity etc was barely mentioned. He would probably win now!

Yes it isn't just that one moment it is the culmination of 12 or 14 years of education where you have never been the popular/sporty/attractive or whatever kid and it ends with the ones who have been the popular/successful/team captains validated yet again as you look on.

I know a teenage boy who is clever, good looking, sporty. Through his time at senior school they have done a thing where they pick one kid at the end of sports to be the useless one (I won't say what they call them but it isn't nice) and they have that title until the next session. When I've said how unkind it is he's always said things like people on here have said, "It's a joke, no one takes it seriously, don't be so miserable etc." Well one week he got it and his view has totally changed.

As someone with a child who was useless at sport I spoke to a PE teacher one day about the fact that I felt they had no idea how it felt to be the kid who constantly had the mickey taken as they can't catch a ball or always come in last at the cross country. He said I was wrong, the kid who always comes in way behind the other on a cross country race is clapped on and cheered and everyone gathers round to watch him finish. I said had he ever thought that however well meant that was had he ever thought how it felt to be puffing and blowing, red in the face and listening to the cheering, clapping, whistling and was he sure it sounded supportive or might it just sound like people making fun of him? He went quiet and couldn't answer me.

Some things are just needlessly cruel. Let kids enjoy their prom/disco/ball/party but don't make it so some feel failures because they never win anything, can never afford to dress like the cool kids etc.

YANBU, leavings parties are great but why do the whole queen/king thing? This puts unnecessary stresss onto something that should be about relaxing and having fun. Glad this wasn't a thing for my nephews, thely literally just had a disco and made fun smartshow 3d slides with photos to laugh at each other kindly.

it is very much a state school “thing” the entire prom nonsense

Really? All the private schools in our small city have end of term leavers balls/proms pretty indistinguishable from the state schools. Though weirdly theirs were before the GCSEs which seemed daft to me but guess they had their reasons.

certainly my childrens private schools aren’t doing and not a whiff of a demand for them and not heard of any of the other ones around her either

Have friends in 4 of the local private schools - they are all having proms. Seems rather miserable not to have a party after the hard work of GCSEs and to say goodbye to school and teachers.

perhaps it’s more of a geographical thing?

oh they celebrate but tends to very different to a “prom”

ie game or quick cricket and a bbq with some sneaky drinks and a fair bit of snogging

One of them goes to a private school very close to the beach.

so it was was a bbq and party on the beach

but no daft prom dresses or the like

Sounds toxic.

Why is it “daft” to wear a dress and go to a party? Sadly many of us do not live next to a beach 🙄. Dread to think what’s going on in those sand dunes utterly unsupervised

Well Abingdon Boys* had a rather large marquee and bumper cars in their grounds on Saturday night. Lots of black tie and daft prom dresses to be seen.

So it appears not all private schools got your memo about proms not being the done thing.

*other private schools are available.

Me too!

But they’ll be outside, in clothes that everyone feels comfortable in, not having felt forced to buy something, and no drama re who is going with who, who look good / crap etc

Which is why I went on to say perhaps it was a geographical thing

yes, I’m sure geographical is what you meant.

Doesn’t prom have it’s roots in debutante balls, which began in London? So it was exported, evolved in the US from an event designed solely for the aristocratic classes, and was re-imported in its new form (that still highlighted social hierarchy). I’ve noticed a lot of Brits seem to have a special hatred for the Americanisms they gifted in the first place.

Anyway, while proms may not be needed, they are something that kids wanted, and I don’t see them waning in popularity.

Yeah 😁 the implication that it’s the oiks with their dreadful “daft” dresses and terrible customs whilst Hollister clad wholesome private school children frolicked naturally on the beach was not lost on me!

I went to a private school in London, one that was, and is considered, a good school. I remember there was much lobbying for prom in my final year. We didn’t have one, but according to a quick google, they do now.

it’s a misconception to think private schools are prom free zones.

I think you are confusing 1950s America with 2020s UK. You don't need a prom date, very little drama and I can guarantee that as much effort goes into the private school 'beach babe' look as it does to go to the Prom. Clothes may even cost more.
You sound an insufferable snob

No “who is going with who” drama Dd at a girls school! They loved getting dressed up for a disco in a hotel. Pretty universal attendance some girls went in suits etc all fine. Don’t get the sneering attitudes. Seems sad to begrudge young people having fun.

As someone with a child who was useless at sport I spoke to a PE teacher one day about the fact that I felt they had no idea how it felt to be the kid who constantly had the mickey taken as they can't catch a ball or always come in last at the cross country. He said I was wrong, the kid who always comes in way behind the other on a cross country race is clapped on and cheered and everyone gathers round to watch him finish. I said had he ever thought that however well meant that was had he ever thought how it felt to be puffing and blowing, red in the face and listening to the cheering, clapping, whistling and was he sure it sounded supportive or might it just sound like people making fun of him? He went quiet and couldn't answer me.

This is such a sad thing to read. Do you think maybe he couldn’t answer you because he didn’t quite know what to say to someone suggesting children shouldn’t be allowed to support their peers? That is your agenda and you shouldn’t be projecting it. What’s the option there?

@whumpthereitis - debs (short for debutantes balls) have been a thing in Irish schools for many, many decades now.

I suspect the rise in popularity of prom has its origins in a mish mash of American TV and an Irish population in the UK who would all have had a debs dinner dance when they left school (at 18) in Ireland.

It’s not a bit of fun - it’s awful if you are not a popular kid. the prom queen in my school bullied me for 5 years.

I always thought it was an English export that’s quite a few centuries old, at least in regards to the earliest roots of it. Had a quick google and it seems to be the case:

time.com/5737250/debutantes-history/