Prom Queen??? Really??

[FraeYah]

My niece was voted Prom Queen. She is a really lovely girl, kind and clever, and I wrote something lovely on the FB post.
But, come on. Why are schools promoting this nonsense? I'm not objecting because it's an American idea, and not because its aimed at girls (there was a Prom King...and a Prom prince); but because it's completely unnecessary and about as relevant as Miss World. They could have had a fun celebration in fancy clothes for everyone, without having to run an outdated "popularity contest" pitting children against each other.

Wait, did someone just say that the Prom King and Queen were the two students who were wheelchair users??

My DD just had her prom and did have a great night. I got off easier than most, in that she found a second hand dress she loved and I just had to pay to get in altered and dry cleaned (still nearly £100 though- lots of people paid £300 upwards). Then hair, make-up, nails etc. I am a single parent, no grandparent contributions etc. and it has been quite a lot to absorb cost wise when it all adds up. Some of the dresses/suits on show must have been heading way above the £500 mark.

It is easy to say you do not need to pay this but the reality is so many parents do and unless you are the most self-assured 16 year old it is going to cause anxiety about 'fitting in'. I work with impoverished young people and they already have a crap time compared to their peers through no fault of their own. Most 'choose' not to go- but the reality is they make this choice knowing the stretch on finances and as an already entrenched survival mechanism. We live in a very 'mixed' area so a huge variety in incomes and social status.

Add to that the school policy for attendance. There is the cost off the ticket and photos (free if 100% attendance, then sliding scale). Also based on not having too many comments/isolation. Again children from difficult backgrounds in which a family places no importance on attendance, cannot afford correct uniform, equipment or for what whatever reason is not in a place to make sure the child has the right pen/their planner every day are not in the same starting place. So it is not a bit of fun for a lot of children, mostly those whose life chances have been compromised since birth.

As for the 'prom king and queen thing' - absoultley not needed and seems a weird thing to do. They did it at DC's prom but no one knows who chose them and as soon as they found about about it, DD and friends said ' we are just all going to take the piss out of that'. Ended up it was a couple who have been together since 13 and when I talk to DC and friends from from what they say about them one seems an obsessive control freak who has major issues if the other speaks to a member of the opposite sex!

Yes, that was me. I moved two years ago and my youngest children moved schools during the beginning of lockdown. When they started the new school properly the teachers held a vote for various responsibilities for the school leadership teams, including prefects, playground monitors, reading helpers for the nursery/reception children, bully busters etc. I asked my children if they got voted for anything and they said the entire class voted for the two children in wheelchairs for every single role. It made it a bit awkward for the teachers as obviously they couldn’t perform every role. And they got voted for prom king and queen. Someone commented on my post saying ‘how patronising’. I’m not sure if they were referring to me or the kids? I’m just saying how it was and pointing out it’s not always the ‘prettiest and most popular’ competition. The kids just thought they were being nice 🤷🏼‍♀️

Prom Queen. Rose Queen. May Queen. They are all the same kind of thing, Prom Queens are just the latest incarnation but not as churchy.
Way back yonder when I were a lass and way before Proms crossed the Atlantic, I was in the Rose Queen's retinue.
I vaguely remember that meant I got to follow her carriage on foot wearing a long yellow dress with flowers in my hair.
Looking back I think I probably only got chosen because my Grandma was a tailoress and made all the dresses. Though why I didn't get the top job is a mystery to me😋
I wasn't traumatised at not being the headline act and no therapy was needed.
It was just a bit of fun.

My son has his school prom end of next week. Headteacher would not agree they could have it at local hotel but insisted it must be held at school. She has organised a chip van to come and sent a letter home advising parents not to spend lots of money on expensive outfits. She has suggested smart casual is appropriate but no sports wear. My son is furious. He said some of the girls were so disappointed they were refusing to go.

So many kids can't wait for the fancy dresses and suits and limos, but how can you do that now when it's unaffordable. Girls dresses have become hundreds, plus nails hair etc. i couldn't afford that, so they should tone it done so all kids can go and have fun

@Florenz do schools have American football teams whose last home game is in October?

If not, then you can breathe a sigh of relief.

Prom kings and queens in my local high school have been students in the special Ed department for at least two decades now, or students who have overcome huge adversity, or students who have led campaigns for various improvements events in theschool, etc.

Students in the UK who are treating this as a validation of conventional popularity are way behind.

Clearly the UK is a dog eat dog alternative universe.

Is that a good thing it's changed from a popularity vote to a sympathy vote . I'm all for inclusivity doing everything to support every individual but if every award is going to the 'most disabled' person does it not become patronising ?

We didn’t have Prom Queen but we had a prom at my all-girls grammar school in 2002.

I don't see how it's "unfair" on the unpopular kids. Only one person wins so its "unfair" on the other 249 kids? It's not like they read out a list of hope many votes each child received.

We had a prom King and Queen at my prom in 2007 so it's not exactly a brand new trend.

I also remember our year book had a section with "best couple", "best legs" (male and female), most likely to be prime minister, most likely to be famous etc. chosen by vote of the whole year group and a residential trip I went on had similar "awards" at the end (I think chosen by the teachers). I don't recall anyone being up in arms about it at the time as it was just fun, but maybe the parents were seething about how American and unfair it was.

It's fun for the popular pretty kids that win. For that moment. But not fun for those that dont win. Over time kids start building up to it 2 to 3 years beforehand with all the catness involved. It also fuels insecurity even for winners. Proponents may say they dont just look at physical attributes but most of these include or even prioritize looks and popularity not necessarily kindness as they may say. We have a world too materialistic, too insta and one that fuels competition and insecurity so much we've developed serious health and social problems unknown and unimaginable 50 years ago. Let's not add even one more stick to the bonfire

Why are the girls refusing to go? Because it's not at a hotel? Because the headteacher wants it to be affordable every parent? Because they can't dress up in expensive clothes? What does it mean if any of these are the reason for the kids being unhappy with the headteacher's approach?

Because all the kids in the US don't treat is as a validation in the conventional way? How very evolved of American kids

Precisely.

It's no longer the 1950s.

The snark here when it comes to American traditions says a lot more about culture and society in the UK than it does about the US.

What does it mean if any of these are the reason for the kids being unhappy with the headteacher's approach?
It means the kids are less up themselves and more open minded than a lot of posters here.

This is pure snobbery. Call it a summer ball, the dresses/hair/nails/limos will be exactly the same!

Well if snobbery is having a party without a shit, offensive popularity contest, I'm all for it.
(I'm not against the dressing up but I doubt very much the tacky limos would make an appearance.)

We had may ball back in 1996. Its not a new thing.

This

In Northern Ireland they have had "proms" since my day!!

So 30 years ago. But we called it the "formal". In ROI they have a "debs" (debutants) ball.

So it's not a new thing or an American import. I was at an all girls school tho so no prom queens!

Yes, debs have been a huge thing in Ireland for probably a century, maybe longer, and the limo horror here is rather quaint considering the fact that entire Irish towns turn out to see off the young people in limos and party buses and borrowed sports cars, all dressed to the nines and that's just the lads...

It's patronising of the kids. A sympathy vote. Like those kids in wheelchairs are their pets. It sounds like one of those horribly sentimental things that gets put on Facebook.

They're young. They probably don't get it yet. But it makes me wince, and wonder how those kids in wheelchairs have been 'othered' throughout their time at that school and why that hasn't been addressed.

We had prom King and Queen at my school leavers prom 15 years ago. It was a bit of fun and none of us are mentally scarred from it

Yes, but this is MN where anything fun (especially if it is imported from another country) is frowned upon.

The snark here when it comes to American traditions says a lot more about culture and society in the UK than it does about the US.

Yep.

Gosh it must feel wonderful to be recognised as so unpopular that you get the sympathy vote for prom.

Was trying to think how to make this point but AHKL said it so much better.