Colleague offered help to a man friend and told inappropriate

[lunavista]

Ok so my colleague (work friend) told me this story in total mortification and I am trying to help.

She has a male family friend she has known for ages. He's married with a child. His wife is travelling to see her dying mother and he's staying back with their child. They often text to say hello etc and when she heard about his wife, she offered to come over for the weekend and help with the child. He then told her that it would be inappropriate for him to have a woman that's not related to him stay at his home in his wife's absence. She is absolutely mortified and doesn't know how to respond. I a personally think he's been a muppet. I asked if she has a good relationship with the wife and she said she doesn't think she approves of their friendship. My colleague is single if that's relevant .

I honestly can't see a problem with her offer. AIBU?

"Even my best friend of 40+ years doesn’t offer to move herself in when DH is away with work."

But if she did, would you find it weird? I just gave the example of my colleague's mum.

Yeah, you're the woman, aren't you OP?

I don’t think there is any doubt about that

If you think someone's mum moving in is the same thing as a random opposite sex colleague moving in for the weekend then I cant help you because this is just laughably ridiculous. I would be FURIOUS if I was away with my dying mother and a female work colleague tried to move in with my husband during that time under the guise of trying to "help".

Exactly! It was a bizarre "offer" and I'm not surprised he firmly turned it down. Of course it was inappropriate! How can your colleague think otherwise?

This.

One of these things is in no way like the other.

She was hysterical at his telling her it wasn’t appropriate? Seriously? Who needs that level of drama?

Why would he even need help?

I bet she sure as hell wouldn’t offer to help mum if dad was away 🙄

But of course, we must rush to help the menz. Inappropriate? Why wasn’t his response, “I can look after my own child 🤣”?

Or the second, I suspect far more likely, your friend is a massive rescuer / saver who is ore about the ego boost fro being seen to be overly helpful (missing that it's almost always intrusive, stressful and about as much use as a chocolate teapot)

Yep, this sounds about right. She’s probably the type who loves being the one to roll up, take over and sort out everyone’s (non-existent) problems, patting herself on the back for being so kind and caring.

I really like this guy.

He was straight with you, firm and clear from the outset.

Your was very “off” and quite frankly bizarre to make the offer but at least she “got it” in the end

whereas the OP needed the assistance of hundreds of anonymous mumsnetters.

i honestly wonder how these people get on in life and work and raise children

It says in the OP that she's single!

I have a really close male colleague. We’re really great friends, call each other outside of work, check in when the other is ill kind of a thing.

We’ve been to each other’s homes, our spouses have met on these visits etc.

I would never ever offer to go to his house specifically because his wife isn’t there. It’s odd.

Equally, my husband would raise an eyebrow if he was away for a weekend and I had my colleague staying.

I also find it insane that she would rush to help him parent his own child.

Surely you can see the difference between a grandma offering to help out her daughter (or son-in-law) to some random woman wanting to play "auntie" to a child while her mum (who doesn't appear to like the woman much) is away!

Weird thing to want to do , Nah he’s done the right thing, his wife’s travelling to visit her dying mother and your friend is expecting to stay over in her male friends home for weekend to help look after the man’s child, yeh right! I bet she is

Very inappropriate.
Why do they text to 'say hello'?
She needs to work on learning socially acceptable boundaries. Especially where another woman's child is involved.
Why would he have needed "help"?
Not so sure his wife would've been all that impressed a stranger 'helping' with her child.

Your “friend” is overstepping the mark. Of course it’s inappropriate for him to have a single, female work colleague stay at his house while his wife is away and actually quite predatory of your “friend”. What makes her think he can’t look after his kids on his own?!? Well done to him for not allowing this to happen. Please tell your “friend” to stop hanging around married men.

This doesn't make any sense, as it has no relevance to OP's "friend".

Who isn't the mother of the man in OP's story.

Your friend is definitely overstepping, and he was right to say no.

This

Anyone else think it was the OP that made the offer

And when she told her friends they said she should be mortified

but she disagreed so came to get support from mumsnet, but it rather backfired

Does anyone remember that storyling in Emmerdale where the mad woman wanted Ashley the vicar?

Yep!

It makes no sense that this "colleague" would be hysterical about it now either- and why is the dad a "muppet" according to the OP for respecting his wife's boundaries and wishes?

Just madness.

Yeah I think that too @Ohthatsexciting

Also this -
Of course it’s inappropriate for him to have a single, female work colleague stay at his house while his wife is away and actually quite predatory of your “friend”.

It's all a bit Single White Female.

I'm glad your colleague is mortified, as she should be. She should never have offered! What's next? Offer to keep the bed warm while the wife's away?!

wear her clothes to keep them fresh