Ex DP remarried

[Happyclapper18]

To expect my ex DP with whom I share care of our 2 DS's to tell me that he got married? We do not have a good relationship and speak as little as possible but this seems to me to be relevant information.

Would he have reason to fear you would spoil his wedding?

you are giving off “weaponise” vibes.

Depends on how old your DCs are, my DD was 17 when I got remarried and was more than able to tell him herself.
If I enter into communication he uses this to Harass and continue emotional abusing me so no I didn't tell him myself.
Had DD been much younger I would have sent a factual emailing stating that I will remarry on such and such a date,

Did he not tell your sons? We’re they not invited to their own father’s wedding?

If you don't have a good relationship then I wouldn't expect him to tell you. What does it change? Perhaps children's inheritance but that's not something you can do anything about.

Ideally ex's who share children's would have a good relationship or at worse respectful so big events are communicated however if the relationship isn't good then why have an expectation you would be told?

Don't react as he may enjoy any reaction..just ignore. I wouldn't tell my ex and don't expect him to tell me either.

I am delighted he's married as I was hoping it would stop him still being verbally abusive to me but that doesn't seem to have happened. He has narcissistic traits and I don't engage with him at all apart from logistical arrangements with our DS 15yrs. Try and do that with DS directly to even avoid that.
It is just that it is relevant to my DS's and its not their place to keep it secret or to tell me. My DS 19yrs let it slip out. I was fine with it, although surprised as they don't, and still aren't living together as the new wife has 3 younger children. They still live 30 miles away.

Very similar situation Lonecatwithkitten.

Given their ages and your lack of contact with him there’s no reason he’d have told you. You obviously hate him so why would he share his personal news with you? He told the DC and they told you. No harm done.

Why do you think it's "relevant"?

The DC knew - and it's interesting that they only told you by accident. Why do you think they hid it?

As far as he knows, I don't know. Like you guys say, he would feed off any reaction.

I won't tell my exH when I remarry, I didn't tell him when I got engaged. DD might tell him off she sees him.

It's not really any of your business.

I don't hate him even though he has given ne plenty of reason to. I always tried to be amicable for the sake of DS's and have never critisised him to them but he seems to have made them scared to mention anything.
I left him due to his abusive behaviour and he's never been able to accept that he can't control me anymore.

It is just that it is relevant to my DS's and its not their place to keep it secret or to tell me. My DS 19yrs let it slip out. I was fine with it, although surprised as they don't, and still aren't living together as the new wife has 3 younger children. They still live 30 miles away.

Maybe they didn't tell you because they weren't interested in any negative comments?

Why would there be a reaction?

I have 2 DC with ExH with whom I have a dreadful relationship. If I ever remarry I wouldn't consider telling him. When DP and I moved in together I didn't tell him (they were 14 & 16 at that time) as I saw this would generate nothing but more animosity and unwarranted opinion. Should the DC choose to tell him that's up to them

Your kids are 15 and 19 and you and your ex barely speak. Absolutely no reason why he should tell you he’s got married. What difference does it make to you whether he’s married or not?

He told his children.
You don't need direct contact with him as the children are old enough to communicate themselves.

You don't need to know though. His children know, as long as he didn't tell them to keep itna secret then I don't see the issue. Its completely utterly nothing to do with you. It has no affect on any maintenance. She isn't their new mother. There's nothing that has changed for you.

Why do you need to know - is it relevant to anything?

You said yourself you keep contact to a minimum so why would he tell you. Your kids are old enough.

he's never been able to accept that he can't control me anymore

Why do you want to know about his marriage then?! Surely you would rather your lives were entirely separate?

Like you guys say, he would feed off any reaction

If that was the case, he would have told you. The fact that he didn’t suggests that he doesn’t want to have to deal with any ‘reaction’ at all, let alone feed off it.

Your kids are old enough, it doesn't effect you or them directly really. YABU. Maybe it's time to move on op in the nicest possible way.

If that was the case, he would have told you. The fact that he didn’t suggests that he doesn’t want to have to deal with any ‘reaction’ at all, let alone feed off it. I agree. It's the total opposite of wanting a reaction. He didn't even feel bothered enough to tell you.

I didn’t tell my exh and he didn’t tell me. I did tell him when my DH moved in as our shared dc’s were little but he didn’t do the same when he moved in with his DW so I took his lead and we only communicate about the dc’s. Tbh I didn’t feel he needed to know - it makes no difference to him and when he got married I didn’t care! At the ages your dc’s are and given your relationship I can’t see a reason you’d need to know.

What reaction?

My XH didn't tell our DC that he had remarried. They were early teens and walking through town when a friend of my ex stopped them and asked them if they liked their new stepmother.

They said they hadn't got one and were gleefully told that their father had got married. It's not as if he lived miles away, probably half a mile. They were upset (and didn't like their stepmother).

When he married the third wife, he had a huge wedding and invited them.

What communication do you have now? You surely don't need any?