Ex DP remarried

[Happyclapper18]

To expect my ex DP with whom I share care of our 2 DS's to tell me that he got married? We do not have a good relationship and speak as little as possible but this seems to me to be relevant information.

My only reaction is that I think it would be appropriate to tell me but maybe I'm wrong. As far as my DS's are concerned I have just said that I am very happy for him.

Would he? Because he hasn’t told you, and asked the almost grown up kids not to tell you, so it sounds like you hunting for reactions here. It’s none of your business, he’s entitled to move on with his life however he wants, your kids are old enough for you to not need to no. Move on with your life! YABU

I agree. Unless an emergency why do you need to communicate at all?

It's completely irrelevant to you though. You don't owe him such info and he doesn't have to give it to you. You probably didn't even enter his mind, he's told his kids.

Why?

You don't like talking to him?

Your DSs both knew?

You need to know? Why?

I'd say he doesn't have to tell you and your kids are old enough to relay the information. However if he told them not to tell you that's unfair on them.

As I say, just logistics but even that is mostly done through DS15. I have to run dates for holidays etc past him though as he often works away. I keep it just minimal but he will send long abusive messages about anything that he deems inconvenient.

I suspect that the fact that OP didn't enter his mind is what is irking her.

My only reaction is that I think it would be appropriate to tell me but maybe I'm wrong
No maybe about it 🤷‍♀️
Surely the teens are in charge of their own relationship with their father now?
I loved the point at which mine reached that stage.

That's really annoying. I'd be more annoyed by that than that I didn't register as a person to be told about the wedding. If anything it's a good thing he didn't even think of you.

You have answered the question in your own post Op. Perhaps he thought you would cause trouble, invent an illness for the children so they couldn't attend, forget that they had an event they absolutely have to attend totally accidentally on that very weekend. Let it go. He lives with someone else, it makes little practical difference if they are married or not.

Far from being irked, I long for the day when he forgets my name. Unfortunately he was emailing my while on honeymoon with some ridiculous complaint about DS having dinner too late when I work till 7. I did not reply!

Considering you obviously hate him, and your DC are far from being little kids. One is already of "being independent" age, and the other isn't far off... I'm not THAT surprised he didn't tell you. Even more so when he's not even living with the new wife.

Your whole thread is about being irked!

He was sending emails to you when he was on his honeymoon??? Thats not a marriage thats going to last.

Any reaction you give will be deemed incorrect in his eyes tbh

It seems very uncomfortable for your teenagers keeping secrets should never be allowed or encouraged by parents my son tried to keep dads secrets ended up in therapy because of it I tell him and say don't tell your dad I will its not your place to tell him it's mine I think he gets it

I'd expect to be told afterwards, not before. If communications are as limited as you describe, I would have said nothing beforehand, out of fear you'd disrupt the ceremony.

They don't live together and I never have disrupted the day. Way off the mark. That is definitely more his style.

It would have been good manners to have said so especially as you have a child who is still a minor. The despicable thing is telling your children and making them keep it secret. I wouldn't say anything though as someone like that obviously has scant regard for decency.

What?!

I think it would be normal to tell you. Not that he HAS to tell you, but it would be a normal thing to do.

The only thing that makes me think “ok maybe not” is the age of your DSs, as they can pretty much manage their own relationship with him, but even then it’s not healthy for him to say “keep it secret”. 15 is quite close to being an adult, but crucially not an adult.

Think of it as another way of being free of him I guess! You really don’t need to talk to him at all with your DS being 15 and would be quite reasonable to block him on everything except maybe email - not because of this but because of the verbal abuse. 15 yo can make his arrangements with Dad himself - I know my 13 yo could and usually does, although I also have a younger one which requires me to be in touch with exh.

Her point is him getting children to lie to their mother. It is an appalling thing to do to any woman.

Reported, apologies, wrong thread.

I assume you didn't know he was on honeymoon at the time?