Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex DP remarried

111 replies

Happyclapper18 · 03/07/2022 09:03

To expect my ex DP with whom I share care of our 2 DS's to tell me that he got married? We do not have a good relationship and speak as little as possible but this seems to me to be relevant information.

OP posts:
courtrai · 03/07/2022 10:06

You don't say that the Ex told the DC to keep it a secret though? Did he or did they just not want to tell you?

BattenburgDonkey · 03/07/2022 10:06

@SkeletonFight no it isn’t it’s about thinking he should have told her he got married. It’s in the first line of the OP

To expect my ex DP with whom I share care of our 2 DS's to tell me that he got married?

BattenburgDonkey · 03/07/2022 10:08

She hasn’t actually said he asked them
to keep it a secret, and has implied she’s asked the kids to keep it a secret that she knows

As far as he knows, I don't know. Like you guys say, he would feed off any reaction.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/07/2022 10:09

Read your update about him emailing from his honeymoon. Confirms it’s the sort of dynamic I was imagining. Ignore those posters trying to be contrary and saying “oh you might disrupt the day” or “you seem too invested” / “why are you so upset” etc

It’s generally people who haven’t been divorced/ co parenting with someone difficult/ abusive / narcissistic (not diagnosing your ex but this type of person) who say that.

My advice is still to cut as many ties as you can.

Im a bit envious in a way as I have to contact my exh about my son who is still only 8. So a long way to go there!

BalloonsAndWhistles · 03/07/2022 10:11

Happyclapper18 · 03/07/2022 09:03

To expect my ex DP with whom I share care of our 2 DS's to tell me that he got married? We do not have a good relationship and speak as little as possible but this seems to me to be relevant information.

Not really, presumably you knew he had a partner? Just let him get on with his life.

tomatopsste · 03/07/2022 10:14

DenholmElliot1 · 03/07/2022 10:00

He was sending emails to you when he was on his honeymoon??? Thats not a marriage thats going to last.

So when on honeymoon you can't send an email about your child? Really?

courtrai · 03/07/2022 10:15

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/07/2022 10:09

Read your update about him emailing from his honeymoon. Confirms it’s the sort of dynamic I was imagining. Ignore those posters trying to be contrary and saying “oh you might disrupt the day” or “you seem too invested” / “why are you so upset” etc

It’s generally people who haven’t been divorced/ co parenting with someone difficult/ abusive / narcissistic (not diagnosing your ex but this type of person) who say that.

My advice is still to cut as many ties as you can.

Im a bit envious in a way as I have to contact my exh about my son who is still only 8. So a long way to go there!

How do you know he was on honeymoon? My own honeymoon came months after the wedding. Why the comment about new wife having 3 small children? You seem a little too invested in what's going on there.

It sounds to me as though he's cracking on with his life and I'd suggest you do similar

Original poster
Happyclapper18 · 03/07/2022 10:16

Exactly, it's more about making them keep the secret. He gets no hassle from me and, in better times, I told him, I was very happy he had found someone else. So the argument about me possibly disrupting anything would definitely not be his reason. He lied to me alot during our 20yrs together so I guess this isn't surprising.

I think it's more of a power thing in his demented world.

OP posts:
Phobiaphobic · 03/07/2022 10:16

SkeletonFight · 03/07/2022 10:04

Her point is him getting children to lie to their mother. It is an appalling thing to do to any woman.

Show quote history

It's an appalling thing to do to any kid.

rwalker · 03/07/2022 10:17

If you want nothing to do with him don't understand the need to know. Move on he has

SkeletonFight · 03/07/2022 10:17

BattenburgDonkey · 03/07/2022 10:06

@SkeletonFight no it isn’t it’s about thinking he should have told her he got married. It’s in the first line of the OP

To expect my ex DP with whom I share care of our 2 DS's to tell me that he got married?

I still think he should have told her. Couples with minor children often still have joint financial arrangements and this could impact on a teen staying with him.

SkeletonFight · 03/07/2022 10:17

Phobiaphobic · 03/07/2022 10:16

It's an appalling thing to do to any kid.

Show quote history

Yes you are 100% correct.

SmileyPiuPiu · 03/07/2022 10:19

Happyclapper18 · 03/07/2022 10:16

Exactly, it's more about making them keep the secret. He gets no hassle from me and, in better times, I told him, I was very happy he had found someone else. So the argument about me possibly disrupting anything would definitely not be his reason. He lied to me alot during our 20yrs together so I guess this isn't surprising.

I think it's more of a power thing in his demented world.

Did he make them keep it a secret? If so then yes that is weird and cruel and also a bit odd when the part of the point of marriage is declaring your undying love for someone.

SkeletonFight · 03/07/2022 10:19

courtrai · 03/07/2022 10:15

How do you know he was on honeymoon? My own honeymoon came months after the wedding. Why the comment about new wife having 3 small children? You seem a little too invested in what's going on there.

It sounds to me as though he's cracking on with his life and I'd suggest you do similar

Show quote history

Again the 3 small children could potentially affect the 15 year old. He wouldn't be the first man to ditch his first family for a new one. A mother's instinct is always to protect her child.

SmileyPiuPiu · 03/07/2022 10:20

SkeletonFight · 03/07/2022 10:17

I still think he should have told her. Couples with minor children often still have joint financial arrangements and this could impact on a teen staying with him.

Show quote history

Their financial arrangements are nothing to do with her. Not unless they move in together and it affects maintenance

BattenburgDonkey · 03/07/2022 10:21

SkeletonFight · 03/07/2022 10:19

Again the 3 small children could potentially affect the 15 year old. He wouldn't be the first man to ditch his first family for a new one. A mother's instinct is always to protect her child.

Show quote history

The 3 children were already in existence anyway, but they don’t live with this guy, or the teen so it’s not likely to affect anything. Regardless it’s not the OPs business what financial arrangements are, and again it’s not what she was worried about.

Original poster
Happyclapper18 · 03/07/2022 10:21

Thank you Gertrude you are 100% right. Its also that my every action is monitored yet he can get married and not even mention it. I'm now wondering if he's planning on moving away as this would disrupt DS15 schooling.
Good luck with your situation ❤

OP posts:
courtrai · 03/07/2022 10:22

Happyclapper18 · 03/07/2022 10:16

Exactly, it's more about making them keep the secret. He gets no hassle from me and, in better times, I told him, I was very happy he had found someone else. So the argument about me possibly disrupting anything would definitely not be his reason. He lied to me alot during our 20yrs together so I guess this isn't surprising.

I think it's more of a power thing in his demented world.

So he expressly told the children not to tell you? Your post didn't make this clear

SkeletonFight · 03/07/2022 10:23

SmileyPiuPiu · 03/07/2022 10:20

Their financial arrangements are nothing to do with her. Not unless they move in together and it affects maintenance

Show quote history

You have misunderstood my point. If he is paying for his children currently and he gets married to someone with 3 children then it could impact his ability to pay for the first children. It's not "their" as in the new wife - it is any arrangements "they" have regarding their children.

SkeletonFight · 03/07/2022 10:24

BattenburgDonkey · 03/07/2022 10:21

The 3 children were already in existence anyway, but they don’t live with this guy, or the teen so it’s not likely to affect anything. Regardless it’s not the OPs business what financial arrangements are, and again it’s not what she was worried about.

Show quote history

Ditto - it is not "their" financial arrangements. It is any between first wife and him.

Original poster
Happyclapper18 · 03/07/2022 10:24

No I didn't......dont think I would be pleased if I was the new wife especially as it was completely unnecessary.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 03/07/2022 10:25

Unfortunately he was emailing my while on honeymoon with some ridiculous complaint about DS having dinner too late when I work till 7. I did not reply!

So how did he know about this unless they told him? I'd assume a 15 or 17 yo could manage to make something to eat for themselves?

SkeletonFight · 03/07/2022 10:26

@Happyclapper18 he sounds like a right prick. Look after your children and be glad you are not with him any more. Ignore all the noise he creates.

BattenburgDonkey · 03/07/2022 10:28

@SkeletonFight your response to me doesn’t make sense.

Original poster
Happyclapper18 · 03/07/2022 10:32

In a sneaky move to get some junk food before I got back to make dinner, DS15 phoned his dad to ask him to send an Ubereats McDonald's. I was furious and told him that was in no way acceptable and to never do that again.

OP posts: