This has only just dawned on me..

[HowWillIKnow247]

I'm heavily pregnant - baby is due any day now.

Although we've joked about it, it's only just really dawned on me how DP and I will never have the life again we do now, where we can just casually decide what we want to do in the evening or at weekends.

We've had fertility treatment for years and this is a much wanted baby. We are both over the moon and are so excited this is finally happening. We're so looking forward to everything we'll get to do as a family.

But it just dawned on me .. are the days gone where we just say "fancy going cinema this weekend?"

When I mentioned this scenario to DP, the response was "well we can't really because we can't take a baby into a cinema".

It's made me think about all the other things we do and places we go quite spontaneously.
(We've been together 10 years so it's always been just us and the dog).

Are there things you still do like this that haven't been changed so much after having a baby or did everything just completely change and you can't remember what a cinema looks like?!

Your life changes massively and will never be the same again! You’ll always have to prioritise someone else over you! We rarely have dates together and my son is nearly 4 but we do try every few months to go to weddings/events/concerts whilst someone has him overnight. It’s hard to be spontaneous or have a set routine either for a long time when you first have a baby. However….I wouldn’t change my life, I would feel incomplete with my boy

Life is all about change. Becoming a parent is a massive change, but it also opens many doors, and lots of the changes will be positive.

Time to embrace watching films at home!

You will get your old life back in time. Your priorities also change when you have a baby.

@mam0918
To be honest we only go to the cinema about 5 times per year. I suppose the cinema was just an example of a spontaneous trip out that doesn't need much thinking about at the moment.

We like to go out for meals.
We go out on walks a lot with the dog. We like parks and national trust places etc.
when we do go out for meals, it's never really late and we're usually home before 9pm! So in some ways those things might not change all that much. We shall see..

Two things that really help are:

a) getting used to leaving your baby with someone else, even if that's just DP in the first few weeks, then best friends, siblings, grandparents etc, even just for an hour. Ask around for reliable babysitters - you don't even have to go out the first couple of times - just have uninterrupted bath and nap. If you don't do this, then the leaving of little ones who have always been with you gets much much harder (for you, the baby is likely to be fine!)
b) to help with the above, introduce bottles - if breast feeding, the sweet spot is about 6 weeks when you should have got BFing well enough established and be just about in enough control to find time to have expressed a bit. A baby that can both be carted around with you and BFed anywhere, but will also drink from a bottle so can be left for a bit longer is the most versatile!

Do bear in mind that some dogs really mope when there's a new baby in the house and so you might have to spend time boosting her morale.

Using a sling means there's more terrain available for walkies than with a pushchair, but check you can bend far enough to pick up poo!

Yes me and DH worked nightshifts before our oldest was born, DH worked nightshifts after his birth while I attended night classes 2 nights a week and SAHP the rest and our DS had a nocturnal (5pm to 5am) routine up until nearly 3 years old when he started nursery and DH switched jobs to day shift and I started university.

Much to the horror and bafflement of those that expect every kid to be the opposit and up at 6am and in be by 6pm.

Kids adapt to things really well, we still went to the park, resteraunts, the beach and the local playzone owner would even open late just for us (they where friends with DH mother and just offered us keys to come and go).

And yes we still got plenty of sun and our DS is not lacking healthy 'day' exposure (its nearly 7pm now and the sun is still lovely here and wont go for ages yet) like the horrified ones love to claim.

Its very British to expect a rigid strict routine and we didnt need one until we had multiple children really (and thats only due to school times etc...).

That all sounds totally doable with a baby still so don't worry too much.

And if you have supportive family (I know unfortunately not eveyone has access, if your relaxed enough their are baby sitters too) then Im sure they will be happy to watch baby 5 times a year if you want to go see and adult rated film etc...

@shiningstar2
That's lovely. We will. Thank you. And yes I will come back and let you know! 🌸

@toomuchlaundry
We go to national trust places. Parks. Trips are often in the uk so the dog can come with us.
How do you mean keep them separate? In the house?

Yes, he can definitely tell something is going on already. We have lots of the baby's things already around the house so he can see them and get used to them.
He was sat looking at the Moses basket the other day.
Usually he jumps on the bed in the spare room and rubs himself all over it but for the last couple of weeks, we have had baby clothes on the bed and he hasn't jumped on to it at all.
When it's our clothes he will still jump on and throw the clothes around. So I think he knows.

It'll be interesting to see what he's like when the baby is here.

And it is vital to keep baby and dog apart, including in the house. That means one of you between dog and baby at all times.

You'll either have to carry the baby with you, or put either dog or baby into a playpen or behind a stairgate or in another room if you need to answer the door or be elsewhere in the house. It'll be second nature in no time!

You will need to be even more careful when the baby becomes a self propelling toddler though, and train the DC from the off to leave the dog alone (esp when eating or sleeping, or if wanting to be alone eg in basket) I wouldn't trust a child to be safe round a dog until mid/late primary age, and even then only with a good natured and reliable dog

I have four DC and up every day between 5 and 6am. Youngest almost 5yo. You get used to it.

Congratulations - it is loads of fun. My eldest is almost 16!😱

It's the thing o hate most about parenting. My life isn't my own anymore. I found it very difficult to adapt. DH and I used to do loads of stuff together and it kept us really close. He's my favourite person to do stuff with and now we have to do it all separately, so we mainly just don't bother.

Do you see how differently each reply has been op?
different emotions,family,parenting,jobs,time zone.
So you are yoyr own guide here.you are your own little DNA bubble.so start ad you mean to go on and start positive! So the little adaption that mean you get the time.or feel you have.even if it's 5minutes to breathe in a cupboard don't expect too much bit don't in dreading it either.otherwise you'll drown in the changes.wjen it isn't like that.
When young you stopped watching cartoons for hours,stopped seeing in-laws so much,attended school,started liking boys and mushrooms lol.you had a job or studied hard,you liked soaps and then documentaries,your changed how you walk.live.shop. such shifts have already occurred in your life.half of them u priced because time just went as time does.ro your next step.
This is simply your next step.bw it one of the biggest.but you aren't losing, your gaining a new set of things.stop seeing what you'll lose start thiking of all you will have.
You can still go for meals,days out.national trust is THE perfect baby places.
You might have to plan but planning doesn't have to be feel ed with such military undertones.its just different.
And some people love it.some hate it.some find it annoyingly easy and some can really find it tough.
So go in knowing you've done all you can but what if it's ok.what if it's better than.
Just time.changes and moving forwards.

There are aspects of pre baby life I really miss and hopefully one day we'll have our 'freedom' again. It has been hard on our marriage at times and the tiredness makes it sometimes very difficult.
On the otherside of the coin I've enjoyed so much new stuff that I would have never experienced without my kids. Now they are getting older we can be more spontaneous. Seeing life through the eyes of children can be so incredible. You will definitely find ways to adapt. And you will enjoy new things.
The only thing I really miss is finding a job whereby I'm not restricted by school times and childcare issues, going out to get drunk on a whim and massively expensive holidays because you can only book holidays in school holidays.

I remember having this period of ‘mourning’ my old life after DS was born, I think it’s only natural to miss that carefree spontaneous part of your life because nothing is spontaneous with a newborn! It gets easier though and things become a new normal

I used to take my son to the cinema when he was a baby. Have milk/dummy on hand and you’ll be fine. He never disturbed the film and slept though it most of the time. Be aware though that you aren’t allowed to watch anything above a 12A even though baby doesn’t understand the film 😆

I agree with this - babies grow up as you say, and even while they’re small they can be taken on planes, to restaurants, into shops, to attractions, etc.

You can definitely take them to the cinema, and childcare is also a thing!

Hello, I am also an IVF mum and I just wanted to say this feeling is totally understandable. It’s a massive life change. Doesn’t mean you can’t do things, it all goes in phases. Lots of places run baby cinema events where you can go and see a film you want to see, and take the baby along. I have happy memories of watching Jurassic World whilst breastfeeding and eating snacks, it was brilliant! At the cinema I went to they brought drinks and cake to your seat too.

I also wanted to say don’t beat yourself up for feeling like this, just because this is a long awaited baby, it doesn’t mean you aren’t entitled to feel nervous, scared, any one of a million emotions about it! And be kind to yourself once the baby is born too. Having a newborn is really hard. In the beginning I used to feel so guilty for not enjoying every second, but miracle babies cry too, give you sleepless nights and push you to your limits. I found it really helpful to give myself permission to find it difficult. It wasn’t all difficult by the way, much of it was - and still is - amazing! Find support from other new mums too. Sending big hugs! Your life will change, but in the most amazing, exhausting, frustrating, crazy and wonderful way!

I found having a dog to be far more limiting than children are, to be honest. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I love taking my little ones to the cinema. They are quiet and I can sit down for 3 hours 😂 give it 3-4 years tho!

You can still be spontaneous with a baby.

One of the best days I remember was when DC1 was a couple months old. It was raining and we decided to go to this random Moroccan cafe and had these amazing spicy hot chocolates. I just breastfed DC at the table.

Then we walked home through the rain and friends came over in the evening and we made pancakes.

It’s a huge change but just embrace it.

Haven’t been to the cinema in years. Unless it’s a day the kids are in crèche and we’ve gone during the day! I think that’s happened once. So yes your life is about to change massively for a while anyway until you feel comfortable getting a babysitter… but it still takes lots of planning to go out so no spontaneity I’m afraid. I guess that’s a little downside to having kids but there’s loads more good times ahead of you that will balance out that little downside!

Lie ins.

I miss them

even though DS is now a hulking great teen who needs a cattle prod to wake up now, the last 17 years has conditioned me.. I’m awake at 7am regardless

the baby screening is brill, I did that with him when he was 6m in Portobello Road!

whatshisface Gurumurthy from C4 news was behind us whinging about all the noise… erm… the showing is called Electric Scream for a reason…