To not want to work.

[kahase72]

Hi. I’m a housewife currently. I have 3 DC, youngest 15. I’ve been out of work for about 18 years to take care of my DC. My DH wants me to go back to work now theyre more independent but I don’t want to. We don’t really NEED money, but it would be nice to have it. AIBU to not go back?

Im very glad to hear it because you are coming across as quite paranoid.

The OP has not returned folks, nothing to see here.

Well as wind-up threads go I think we can say this one was an unqualified success.

Yes indeed!

But the point is that younger children may need a SAHP for childcare reasons. To try to argue that a 15 year old needs anywhere near the level of attention and care a 2 year old does is just stupid.

so stupid to try to make lists out of anything to sound busy : making huge bowls of teenage food, prepping Christmas cards, putting one foot in front of the other and breathing fresh air just keeps me so busy! Give over. Also emotional support to teenagers does not require you being at home all day long.

you should do this so that you and your dh can have a varied and interesting chat about things other than dc once retired.

Why would not working mean you only have the DC to talk about? People do have interests and hobbies and things to talk about that aren't just career and child based. I quite like to talk about psychology and philosophy and religion and word issues with my partner, or the TV shows we are watching, or books we have read... None of those things require working to talk about. Tbh, I can't think of anything more boring than talking about work! My partner works in security, I don't really need or want to hear about all that.

That should read world issues. I like to have a go at learning languages as well, so we quite often talk about languages. Mythology. DIY. Animals. Can't say work has ever been top of these lists for convo.

Yes the clearing up goes like this, he does the cooking so it is fair that I clear up, I do the cooking well that's my day so I should do the clearing up. I do love a stroppy teenager, even more fun when you aren't their parent. It is a treat to have someone else do dinner a couple of times a week, DH is disabled so he can't help really. I will miss him when he's off to uni next year.

I do think learning how to look after themselves is important and I've told him that being able to cook a nice meal is a very attractive trait. My sons are all good cooks and certainly aren't the sort of husbands who leave everything domestic to their wives.

I don’t want to come in and hear about what Tesco has on offer or the latest school gate drama. I’d like some interesting conversation and some awareness of what’s going on in the world. I don’t get that at home.”

You don't need to work to know what is going on in the world. The internet, the news, and newspapers exist. My grandparents don't work and they seem to know what's going on perfectly well.

Forgot to add, if you think teenagers need emotional support wait till they're 40 and going through a divorce. Now that is demanding.

Truly baffled by the idea that you need to work to he able to hold an interesting convo.

Lots of baffling things on here, yes you should be able to have an interesting conversation without a job, you should also be able to have a job when your youngest is 15 because although they definitely do need support most of it is evenings and weekends as they will be at school during the day.

Agree...it's crazy! I also don't understand people who get bored if they don't work. There's plenty of things to do... exercise, read, bake, arts and crafts, gardening, decorate to name a few

I also don't understand people who get bored if they don't work. There's plenty of things to do... exercise, read, bake, arts and crafts, gardening, decorate to name a few

Yeah, neither do I. There's always something to do that is fun and isn't working.

I agree. My husband is a trained chef and although he hasn’t worked in kitchens in over twenty years, it’s very attractive that he doesn’t view me as a source of food (in fact I’m much worse at cooking than he is). The teen - not quite cordon bleu but will pitch in with pastas/ basic meals.

Which leaves me space to do the fun stuff like the Sunday roast (love cooking roasts! ) and the Christmas baking. I tend to only bake at special occasions because we eat it all and it’s not really low cal (he runs ultra marathons and when I’m not as up to my eyes studying as this year I compete in a sport so we do try…)

Is the 40 year old divorce worse than the early 20s thought this was it break up?

Bizarre that all some people really do seem to believe that all that makes them 'stimulating' is their job.

Do people like this really exist?

Imagine if all couples talked about was their work. Lol.

That would have been fascinating for DH and I when I was working. Nothing I love more than a good old natter about the FT100. And he always loved to be regaled with stories of people self-harming. Just what we needed if an evening.

Lol at that poster who thinks all SAHMs talk about is what they bought in Tesco.

FYI to that poster - of all the couples I know where there is a SAHM (too many to mention), I know of only one divorce. ONE. Most of them met their husbands at uni or shortly thereafter. None of them met the DH at work. All are highly educated. These women are far from the drudges you seem to need to depict them as. If you think they are spending their days doing housework, you have another thing coming.

Sorry to hear about your mother but you can hardly extrapolate one relationship to apply to the billions of families with SAHMs who are absolutely fine. Chances are, your F would still have had an affair if your mother had been the business woman of the year. Why blame her for it? Do you think men with wives who work don't have affairs? How many times do we hear the script - "Oh she was never there for me ..., Woe is me .... All she talked about is the office .... if only she'd listened more to MY problems ..., me, me , me ..., What could it do ... she pushed me away... always working ..., the secretary was the only one who cared .., "

Ffs. Stop blaming women for some men's pathetic behaviour. Talk about misogyny. Urgh.

@RJnomore1 Oh the 40 year old divorce is worse, you know the other party well, there are upset GC, the angst about housing. I found my own divorce so much easier.

😱

I work P/T and my SAHM friends are much more interesting. They have hobbies and interesting lives whereas the women I work with who work FT have no lives outside of work. They go down the pub on a Friday night and talk about it on Monday.

Noe that’s dull.

There's plenty of things to do... exercise, read, bake, arts and crafts, gardening, decorate to name a few

Yes great, except that in the current scenario, OPs DH has asked her to go back to work and they could use the money. If DH decided to leave me solely responsible for financing the family while he did arts and crafts, I would not be terribly amused.

Yes great, except that in the current scenario, OPs DH has asked her to go back to work and they could use the money. If DH decided to leave me solely responsible for financing the family while he did arts and crafts, I would not be terribly amused.

I don't think she was commenting on that, though. She was commenting about the people who say they would be so bored without work, saying she doesn't understand it. Not every comment has to be about the OP is convo develops, you can comment on what other people have said.

I think it’s that realistically most grown adults don’t want to fill their days with crafts projects & reading followed by humbly asking hubby for £10 for a new lipstick and making huge bowls of food for emotionally supported teenagers and their friends. They need outside challenges and the control and independence of earning their own wages.

Those of us who work often also find time to read, exercise, socialise etc. It’s not trudge to the office and trudge home.

Although I’ll just never get it as I couldn’t tolerate being with a man who didn’t work as he wanted to read and do arts & crafts while I worked full time. I’d feel really resentful, so that situation would simply never work for my family. Then on the other hand the cringey comment upthread about ‘asking hubby for £10 for a lipstick’ and ‘bringing kids up to look for traditional family units’ would feel like absolute rock bottom to me rather than something to strive for!

Same here! My sahm friends are really dynamic and interesting! One sold her business to become an sahm and she still derives an income from it. Another does amazing voluntary work which takes her abroad to speak in different European countries. Another has learned how to deep sea dive and is working her way through the certicates. They are all extremely intelligent and I would say, massively impressive people and have plenty to talk about. It's really insulting to say that all they have to talk about is the Tesco shop!