To not want to work.

[kahase72]

Hi. I’m a housewife currently. I have 3 DC, youngest 15. I’ve been out of work for about 18 years to take care of my DC. My DH wants me to go back to work now theyre more independent but I don’t want to. We don’t really NEED money, but it would be nice to have it. AIBU to not go back?

YANBU for not wanting to work, given the choice I’d much rather do what I wanted when I wanted too. Not get up before the sun rises, not have high daily stress levels etc etc.

But your DH would like you to contribute financially now, which is more than reasonable.

Don’t seek to make more money even as the cost of living increases?

Why are you asking about new projects up thread?

Why actively seek to keep under the level you would be able to contribute financially to the country for the rest of your life and try to present it as a virtue?

why come on a thread asking about wanting to not work and go on repeatedly about how workers are in a terrible position when you work anyway through choice (and not like people like comedycook who are really struggling to try to earn)?

Lol at everyone so pressed about this.

Total non-issue outside MN.

I could never be married to someone who didn't pull their weight. I have seen many a thread where posters cry "LTB he's a cocklodger!" when the DP is unemployed, so obviously many on here feel the same.

I could give up work tomorrow, we don't need the money but I would love for my DH to be able to retire as early as possible.

Nice work O.P wind them up and watch them go! Not even bothered to come back.

No she isn't, she said her family income is alright and she didn't say she was struggling.

I asked for WFH ideas because I like to keep my income streams diverse. It's not the same as working, being employed. I'm not employed, and I enjoy the things I do otherwise I wouldn't do them.

I'm here because I have lots of free time.

Yes life is much less stressful when one half of a couple is at home doing all house/kids stuff. It's a better life.

Is it really? You have clearly never been the main earner, knowing that you are solely responsible for the roof over your family's head. Compared to that, honestly washing my own socks is really not that stressful.

I’d much rather not be working either, I preferred being a full time mother than going back to the grindstone and dealing with all the crap that goes with office politics etc after 16 years of being my own boss at home. Needs must though and I have to work. I’ve now found a nice balance with zero hours contracts in non-office environments (so done with that) so if I have days I don’t want to work I don’t have to, it makes me feel I have control of my work life.

if they can afford a breather for her it might be a good way to help her change gears and get ready for a new path.

A breather from what? The OP hasn't worked for 15+ years!

Assuming the job makes enough money to live on and is secure then I think having a wife at home doing everything must be a pretty cushy life. Just working and just being at home are both pretty manageable. The difficulties come when you have to do both roles.

I’m here because I have lots of free time too and yet if I told you what I actually do you’d think I’m lying about that.

I guess some people are more adaptable than others too but the hardest most stressful time I had was when my dh was made redundant and I was solely responsible for generating income. He did everything at home and with the kids during that time and also repainted the whole house 😂 and fortunately got work quite quickly but the pressure of knowing it was me her for keeping the family afloat if he didn’t was in no way comparable to cleaning the bathrooms or rushing round collecting kids/cooking/after school activities at the time.

Why on earth does the OP need a "breather" of a year to make a career choice?

In that time she could have been back in the work force making NI contributions to her pension and regaining her confidence by actually working.

If she was in a professional career and wanted to return to that , there are a number of organisations keen to take on returners and put them through relevant training in return for staying with them on relatively low wages for a couple of years.

Being a sahm really worked for me. I was able to go to every sports day, every event that happened during primary school years, helped out with school days out, helped out at the school with young kids reading, took my kids to school and home again, baked cakes and pies from scratch and cooked fresh meals every day, house always clean and tidy, laundry always up to date etc. Once I went back to work there was no more baking, the house got messier, the laundry got backlogged, the dinners weren’t always cooked from scratch etc. It did reinforce to me that being a full time parent and homemaker really is a ‘proper’ job.

Doing a good job at raising children and keeping a household running is work. Sure you can do a bear minimum version of it- a lot of people do that because their focus is their paid work.And some people do a better job than others, while you can be a great parent and work full time outside the home there are plenty of parents who wish they had more time and energy to actively parent their children. If you don’t believe that it’s real work, I suggest you spend time reading the threads on here of people, usually women, who are almost solely responsible for housework, child rearing and are also working outside the home. A lot of them are at breaking point, because it’s essentially like having two full time jobs, they are even considering leaving their partners/breaking up their family because they are so understandably resentful of having to do it all.
Of course there are ways people can parent full time which wouldn’t be a lot of work, but anyone I’ve seen do it takes it’s very seriously and does a great job at it, they have time to actively guide and teach their children so much.
It sort of blows my mind that people think there’s nothing to full time parenting/childcare, it makes me feel sorry for the childcare professionals they use to care for their own children. Do people think being a crèche worker or child minder is a doddle? Seriously? It’s a tough job and a tough job to get right, do people think they are just on their phones all day occasionally glancing up to check if one of the children hasn’t keeled over? There’s a bit more to it than that, if you spend a few years as a full time stay at home parent you’d probably see it the same way.

😂True! Maybe it’s a journalist just trying to generate some content? The level of passion on this topic is hilarious to me

@BellePeppa yes I completely agree. I've been a sahm for more than a decade. Always available for every event. House clean, laundry up to date, meals cooked...house running well. I'm now working two days a week. Doesn't seem like much but I'm shocked at how quickly my house deteriorates and I get behind in what I'm doing. Schools are so demanding and there's so many events to attend. I honestly think if I was working full time, I'd have a nervous breakdown. I'm not being flippant by the way. I genuinely couldn't cope.

I was able to go to every sports day, every event that happened during primary school years, helped out with school days out, helped out at the school with young kids reading, took my kids to school and home again, baked cakes and pies from scratch

lovely. But as a main or occasionally sole earner, having the other parent helping out at school and baking cookies does not really have such a stress-relief effect as people seem to believe.

This thread isn’t about sahm during child rearing years though is it?

It's rather sad the disrespect SAHM get on here.
The name calling is awful.
I say that as someone in a high flying career too.

You could go to university. There are so many interesting careers now. Many of the are WFH.

It’s just a suggestion, @kahase72 said they didn’t want to go back to work, I was suggesting this as a possible alternative, that might feel like a good compromise for both her and her husband. Lots of people work really hard as a full time parent, maybe you wouldn’t- fair enough- but a lot of people do.

i have to say I don’t get why some people are so upset by this, OP ask if they’re being unreasonable, I agreed with a previous poster that you can’t actually decide to live off someone else’s income against their will but suggested there may be a compromise they can reach that would leave both happier in the long run. Why do you seem so aghast? I genuinely don’t understand it

I wish people wouldn’t use the term ‘full time parent’ as if the rest of us are part time parents. Every resident parent with kids is a full time parent.

@BellePeppa I’ve always worked outside the home. I bake and cook all meals from scratch. Laundry also gets done, and the place is tidy. It’s not demanding work. I often get up early and put dinner in the slow cooker or bake before going to work. You don’t need to be at home to do it.

I work in a very male dominated area. Of the men who regularly play away or leave their wives, I don’t know one who has a wife that works. As one said to me “I don’t want to come in and hear about what Tesco has on offer or the latest school gate drama. I’d like some interesting conversation and some awareness of what’s going on in the world. I don’t get that at home.”

someone posts a made up scenario about a SAHM "not wanting to work."

Cue hundreds of posters who feel the need to tell the world about their jobs - "Oooh I'm soooo fulfilled." "Ooooh I'm soooo interesting...,"What a stunning role model I am..." "I just do it all, I do.."

Even if the OP was genuine - which this one blatantly is not - what do any of your jobs have to do with her or her situation?

The thread is hilarious.

said they didn’t want to go back to work, I was suggesting this as a possible alternative, that might feel like a good compromise for both her and her husband.

How is OP not working for one more year 'a compromise'?

If it gets her to a job she enjoys I’d say it’s a perfectly fine compromise after 18 years. In fact I suggested something similar a hood while back