To not want to work.

[kahase72]

Hi. I’m a housewife currently. I have 3 DC, youngest 15. I’ve been out of work for about 18 years to take care of my DC. My DH wants me to go back to work now theyre more independent but I don’t want to. We don’t really NEED money, but it would be nice to have it. AIBU to not go back?

@Comedycook to be clear I’m not talking about sahm - I’m talking about when the kids are older like the op. Most SAHM go back to work and the whole value of childcare debate has been done to death.

Family money for the family unit which the husband now wants the OP to contribute to and she now can.

Well yes and I have gone back to work part time. I hate working. Regardless of having kids, I'd never get bored at home. Can't believe some people would be. I'm more than happy to read and cook all day every day!

Are you in a position to find a job cooking? I do think it’s awful when people are stuck in jobs they hate, I’m not without sympathy. And realise I’m lucky to love mine so much.

To a place where my family's income would make ten pounds so negligible that handing it out for a lippy would be reasonable?

Yeah course I do, wouldn't you?

@Ohthatsexciting We have no children by choice. I used to work so my savings are from that and inheritance. We aren't rich but live far below our means so money is not really an issue, if my husband wanted to give up work he could but doens't want to yet. We are in our 40's.

I've never had a job I've enjoyed. All paid work just makes me really anxious and miserable. Even when I was single and straight out of uni I hated working. When I was a child and people asked what I wanted to be when I was an adult, I'd say I wanted to a housewife...no joke!

We don't use the NHS really. We have private health plans and are very healthy, low stress and a good diet really contribute to this.

But I still have no issues with SAHMs using it. I wouldn't actually exclude anyone from using healthcare.

That poster wasn’t talking about having £10 for a lipstick. They were talking about the fact that your post makes it sound like you are looking to get to the point where you have to ask your husband for £10 for a lipstick. No, I wouldn’t want to get to that point ever. If I want something I go into town and buy it, off my own card using my account filled with my own money. I don’t ‘ask’ anyone for the money. Whether it’s ‘reasonable’ or not to buy it is my own decision.

I think most people wouldn’t want to be asking their husband for £10 to buy a lipstick.

What do you mean you don’t need the money. If you mean because dh wages cover you both. If so yabvu. That is NOT the same as not needing the money. Presumably he has a good job but likely means a lot of pressure. You could easily take some of this pressure off. You should have worked 10 years ago when your Last dc went to full time school. You sound very lazy tbh.

It’s a real shame that you’re having to be stressed and anxious and miserable just to go to work though.

Presumably he has a good job but likely means a lot of pressure. You could easily take some of this pressure off

I imagine her being at home has taken a lot of pressure off him. If he suddenly had to do housework, cooking, ferrying teens everywhere, shopping and laundry on top of his job, he'd been even more stressed.

So you do realise public services are much more than the nhs and you don’t use any of them?

(btw healthy lifestyle is no guarantee of anything, it may increase the odds but that’s all)

You forgot to add the old chestnut of "life admin" that people also like to use to justify not working.

😂

Exactly. Taking ALL the pressures of housework of one of you is highly effective.
Financial pressure is not life's only pressure.

We use them very little I suppose, in favour of supporting local businesses. We don't use schools but we pay small local community groups for group activities and we drive so don't use public transport much, but use taxis a fair bit. We don't burn houses down or bother the fire services or police.

"Life admin"😅. Stop the world I want to get off!

Drive on roads do you? Live in an area with street lights? Get your rubbish collected or use the recycling centre? Expecting some sort of state pension in old age? 🤷🏻‍♀️

anyway it’s all a moot point for you as you are choosing to work. You keep pointing it out.

True but I don't pay tax, but our family does.

But you work. So you don’t “not want to work.” You May not want to work for someone else but it’s not the same thing.

Ill assume when you actually manage to hit the income level you will pay the tax you owe and that’s not an admission of tax fraud.

Generalisation much? Jesus Christ.

I could think of nothing worse than being home all day.

I love stretching my brain, earning my own (fairly substantial amount of) money, having an identity other than wife and mother and have huge job satisfaction.

Each to their own...so long as one can financially sustain themselves.

I stay under the threshold and don't seek to make more money, ever, but the same money in less time.

Each family does what works best for them at a specific time, there is no right or wrong, but the OP originally said before disappearing completely, her husband wanted her to return to work now the kids had grown up so that’s a different situation and could cause problems in a marriage if resentment builds.If a partner/spouse no longer wants to support you financially or thinks you need to get back to work for other reasons (mental health/self confidence etc) then you probably need to consider it.

Well, if you read the end of my post you’ll see that I’m suggesting she do the same for him once she gets working again. I thought it would be reasonable to assume that almost all of the raising the children and the housework fell to her during her time as a SAHM so while she may not have been paid for it- she may well have been constantly on duty all this time in a way that’s not typical for the full-time paid work parent, in this case her husband. I discussed a “gap year” (never mentioned staying home forever) because I think it’s likely OP is a bit burnt out and if they can afford a breather for her it might be a good way to help her change gears and get ready for a new path. Also if she takes her time to chose a career in a thoughtful way there’s a good chance she’ll get on a better path with better pay.

I personally would be suggesting the same if her husband had spent that whole time as a stay at home parent, but then I don’t considered paid work to be the only kind of valid work. In my opinion, if there was any justice in the world, caring work would be as valued by society as being a management consultant or a hedge fund manager. I certainly think a person who does a good job at raising children is likely to be adding more value to society as a whole, and I know management consultants and hedge fund managers who would say the same.

I don’t think OP said that she is a SAHM because she refuses to get a job, a lot of couples, men and women, feel strongly that they don’t want their children to be mostly raised by underpaid strangers. If I could afford it, that’s possibly the conclusion I’d come to myself, so while it’s not an option for me I don’t look down on people who make that decision at all.

I stay under the threshold and don't seek to make more money, ever, but the same money in less time

I also earn under the tax threshold. I don't claim benefits obviously and dh pays tax as his salary is over ten times what I earn. Everyone has different priorities. Time is more important to me than money. I value small things over material goods. Reading in the garden, baking a cake, taking a nap all mean more to me than having more and more material possessions. Unfortunately society is set up very differently and we are conditioned to want more and more. I don't