Flat-chested mean comment from supposed friend

[Stardust35]

Before going on a work night out I was already feeling anxious/panicky (social anxiety). Despite telling my husband that I really didnt want to go, I pushed through to join, thinking it would be okay when I got there. Before leaving I put on a new dress that I felt confident in, did make-up nicely etc. Then whilst out, I complimented a supposed friend on her dress. Another colleague said she was jealous about her boobs filling the dress, and wished she could. Then supposed friend said, "you do have boobs unlike [me] who really does have a flat chest."
I'm a b cup. I'm already inwardly self-conscious and felt totally shit about myself from that comment. Every one else sitting nearby looked taken-aback that she said it. Am I wrong to still feel upset now?

When I was about 21, I was wearing pyjamas with no bra and my mum looked at me and said that really doesn't look good. I felt so humiliated and always felt self conscious when intimate with a man wondering why he would want to be with someone who has barely an A cup.
I don't go out without wearing a padded bra.

My eldest has a stunning figure and very small chest. She looks great and looks amazing in and out of clothes. Wish I looked like her.

I'm in my 50s and there are no ideal figures. Men and women like all sorts. Athletic, curvy, whatever. Just like some women like guys who are muscly and others like a dadbod.

She probably hates her boobs and hated someone mentioning them so said something stupid and rude as she was upset. I have big boobs and I wish I was I size b so it possibly wasn't even meant as an insult. X

I remember a work colleague going on about how tiny I am. I 5 foot 3! She looked like an arsehole

Agree!

I'm an A cup and it's only in recent years I've grown to embrace this, without concealing with padding or push up bra. I can go braless or otherwise wear bralettes and crop tops.

Only as a teenager did people ever attempt to compare breast size

I’m flat chested (but have a good figure otherwise) and the only people I know who make comments like this are jealous of how I look.

They need to find something they’ve got that you haven’t and the only thing they can think of is boobs. Pointing it out in front of other people is their way of boosting their own esteem.

Hold your head high OP, it’s definitely her issue.

didn't expect an insult either!

It's not a shameful or bad thing to have small boobs, though, it's only an insult if you can't help but hear it that way. Decide to do what you like about your friendship, OP, but there's nothing "wrong" with the size of your boobs (whatever it is). Please give up on that belief if you hold it.

What happened to you is quite common. Busty women consider themselves superior, whether they say it loudly or not. They like to show off their breasts, like your "friend", not only to attract male gaze, but primarily to show dominance to those "less endowed" women. By flaunting their cleavage they show you - "see, I'm sexy, men look at me, not you, I am more worthy as a female".
If they are not actively body shaming smaller chested women, they are being incredibly patronising to them. There is current thread about how they "hate having big breasts". One small chested woman suggested a well fitted bra and got slapped as how dare she give bra advice to women with bigger breasts (!!!):
"It strikes me that you are somewhat unaware of how you come across when you believe that a group of women with big boobs need your advice on a well-fitting bra."
That's the way it is. Busty women will always think of those with smaller breasts as inferior and not see anything wrong in body shaming them.

I was a b cup in my younger days and was tiny. I had so many negative comments
It's sad how common it is! Why do people think it's ok to shame others for being tiny? Nobody would say loudly 'oh my god, you look fat!. But the other way round it's so common. Why?!

🤨 I do hope you meant to say 'some' busty women....

I have many large chested friends and family members, I assure you none of them feel superior due to the size of their chest.. That's absurd.

Also, I have small breasts, I get a significant (unwelcome) amount of male attention. Men like a variety of things, most like boobs of some size big or small, and an awful lot of men couldn't care less and just want the booty 😆

ALSO what men want and how much attention a woman gets does not make the woman feel superior, I've literally never witnessed that (apart from amongst teenagers I guess). When out, if I'm getting all the grubby men staring at me, I don't feel superior, I feel a bit grossed out and embarrassed.

There are just so so many things wrong with what you've said...

I don’t understand why everyone is saying OP’s “friend” is “just jealous”. As if to justify her - poor thing is jealous and insecure. The truth is she is super confident and smug. She genuinely considers herself superior to women with smaller breasts.

It’s a classic illustration of how the pecking order and hierarchy works. The big breasted queen bee / alpha female is worshipped by everyone, smaller chested women compliment her (while putting themselves down - oh I wish I had boobs like yours), men stare at her cleavage. Queen bee feels entitled to give opinions on who’s flat chested and who isn’t.

That’s the reality. While most women keep their opinions to themselves, busty women think of themselves as BETTER than their “less endowed” friends.

You should have. If she does it again, point out her thighs or stomach. She'll probably cry, but she deserves it. What a bitch.

I don't think many people with large chests automatically feel superior. One feature alone doesn't make someone attractive. Overall figure, slim or not, attractive face and hair are probably more important, in my opinion.

Mean woman! Why would she do that?! I have small breasts and over the years have had several comments on how small my breasts are - always from women!! It's a mean spirited, bitchy thing to do. Recently I had a colleague ranting at me in front of other colleagues saying "Why the hell do you wear a bra?
You really don't need to. Poor you, there are so many nice tops and dresses you can't wear because you have no breasts." Unbelievable! Everyone looked awkward. I do have breasts but that's not the point! Now I'm 47 I actually appreciate my small breasts. They're still perky and not heavy enough to sag!

I don’t understand why everyone is saying OP’s “friend” is “just jealous”.

It's just a platitude, of course the friend isn't actually jealous.

(Though maybe she will be in a couple of decades when gravity hits.)

But the “friend” called her “flat-chested”. The reality is that these days unless you have oversized breasts you are considered flat chested. Are B cups flat??? Are natural proportionate breasts on someone in size 6/8 not considered normal anymore? This trend of “real women have curves” is still doing well. Women are made to feel they have to have big boobs or get implants or wear push-up bras. A lot of busty women say they show cleavage as if they DON’T show it, it makes them look frumpy and unflattering. 😕 The only way to look attractive is to have big boobs and show cleavage. Then you can be the queen bee and look down upon women who “have less than you”.

I broadly agree with this. I don't believe all larger breasted women are like this by any means, but I think it's difficult to ignore the general preference for bigger boobs in this country. I understand that plenty of women with large breasts find them an encumbrance. Both my MIL and SIL had reductions because their heavy chests were making their lives a misery. But far more women have breast implants. This is often driven by the notion that bigger breasts are somehow more 'womanly', which is complete nonsense. Mine were always small and I wasted so much time hating them and wearing push up bras (bloody Wonderbra ads!) If anyone told me I was lucky, I didn't believe them. I thought other women with smaller breasts were fine, because at least they were in proportion, whereas I wasn't. What a waste of my time and energy! I only stopped caring when I got to around my late thirties. I'm in my fifties now and they're a bit bigger because I'm generally bigger. But I don't have any particular feelings about them one way or the other.

The person who used to be your friend is an utter twat.

I used to have smaller boobs (always pretty heavy chested though) and now I'm a 38E I'd do absolutely anything today go back to being a C. I'd love having small boobs. No back pain, no rashes and boob sweat 24/7 and wouldn't even need to wear a bra!

And for what it's worth, when I think about what I'd find attractive in a woman as a partner, small boobs are definitely top of my list! I bet you are absolutely gorgeous!

I'm small of chest. But any time I hear a comment about small breasts I can't help but break into a smile because I think of this advert:

Exactly this. All my friends who are very fast runners really are flat chested, some barely even need to wear a bra.

I am a B cup. That is not flat chested!

busty women think of themselves as BETTER than their “less endowed” friends

they do, my mum has "friends" who are obsessed with their large boobs. She isn't flat chested either, she's also a B cup. But they go on about how men prefer large boobs. That wasn't my experience, before I got met DH and married I had no problem attracting men with my B cups!

This thread has taken a strange turn! With some posters assuming that women with certain body characteristics all think in the same way. That's insane. And not bourne out by the evidence.

I've found that a lot of women are insecure about their appearance and want what they havent got. I remember being a late teen and worried my boobs were tiny and my mate with big booba confessed she would kill for my boobs as it really affected what she could wear (cover them up in a high neck top and they actually look bigger, shirts were a pain etc and she was absolutely sick even at that age of men looking and talking at her (large but not abnormally so) breasts. She seriously looked into breast reduction surgery.

Anyways the lady might have been jealous and said it out of spite. She might be a bitch and likes to play on peoples insecurities and is not jealous at all. She might have just got no filter and it was thoughtless rather than with any intent. Either way its rude to comment on someones appearance unless you are being complimentary (eg pointing out that someone is short or has massive hands or something) - even if its factually correct and not meant maliciously a lot of people wouldnt want the attention and scrutiny that such comments inevitably bring

Exactly what I thought - some women with big breasts might love it and feel superior. Others might hate it and hanker after small breasts. My cousin had a breast reduction - she really disliked her ample blossom. Some might have mixed feelings. I have small breasts and sometimes I absolutely love them and sometimes I wish I had larger breasts. Whys everyone assuming that women with big breasts all feel the same?

On the contrary, my friend is an aerobics instructor with a beautiful figure including small boobs, and she looks amazing in just a cheap summer dress thrown on with no bra. My boobs make anything like that impossible, and generally just spoil the line of a lot of clothes. I envy her her figure, boobs and all.

Queen bee because of big boobs?! Hilarious. You sound incredibly bitter!

Queen bee because of big boobs?! Hilarious. You sound incredibly bitter!

To be fair, she wasn't addressing you specifically. It's probably something she's noticed before. There's all types of women who think they're better than others for any number of reasons. Belittling your friend by calling her flat (come on, are we 13?) is giving off 'queen bee, keep her in line' vibes in this scenario.