DH didn't help little girl

[Whatshisface]

My DH was in a shopping center.

He was about to go down an escalator, but in front was a man on his phone and what he assumes was his 3/4 year old daughter.

The man was still talking away on his phone, his daughter was a step or two behind him when the dad got on the escalator.

The daughter hesitated and just stood at the top; DH then is next to the little one, who reaches out her hand to DH --- my DH didn't take it, but instead got on the escalator himself.

The man then shouted up to the girl 'stay there, stay there' as he had to walk to the opposite end of the center to get to the 'up' escalator.

DH said he looked up and a woman had stopped to stay with the little one.

I was really mortified DH hadn't either 1) taken her hand to take her down with him, or 2) stayed with her until her dad came back.

But DH said, as a male, and it being a little girl, he 100% didn't feel comfortable with either scenario.

Did he do the right thing?

I'd have instinctively taken the little one's hand and been reassuring and kind to her, taking her to her dad at the bottom. and would have resisted telling the dad what an idiot he his

Psychologist:
“So, how are you coping with witnessing that accident last week where the child ran past you and got killed by running in front of a bus?”

@butterflied:
”Oh, no problems at all, barely give it a second thought, after all it’s not like it was my fault she ran out”.

My instinct would have been to help the child but I have to admit, as a man I would be terrified of being accused of being up to no good. I hate seeing kids hurt/distressed but unfortunately we now live in a world where a man’s vicinity to a child gets questioned even if he’s only trying to do the right thing. Still, for me, the child’s safety comes first so I’d probably have stood beside her and made some kind of commotion to get the father’s attention rather than just standing there looking shifty.

I don't think he was unreasonable. He just reacted as he said. He had a very quick decision to make and made the wrong one. It's a difficult choice in the moment.

It all happened very quickly. There were other people behind your DH, perfectly feasible that one of them could have been her mum (who she was holding her hand out for) so I wouldn’t have automatically taken her hand either? Yes, I’d have hesitated (which your DH did) and as you’ve said someone else waited with her.

If there hadn’t been anyone else around then I WOULD have taken her hand and shouted to her dad.

Yes. Because that's exactly the scenario here. But keep winding yourself up.

No-one was injured.

Quite. But you know, facts are such pesky things.

I agree so annoying, it used to be used a lot on Mumsnet a few years ago but thankfully not many people seem to do it any more.

OP you husband made a split second decision not to take the hand of a stranger's child. I wouldn't necessarily have taken her hand either as I would have assumed as the dad had let the child at the top of the escalator that the child's mother was coming up behind. Really just forget about it, it's not like she was in actual harms way and he didn't help.

Unfortunately your DH did the right thing. We all know from the press and certain factions of hysterical (and yes I use that word on purpose) women that men all men are a danger to children and all females.

my DH stopped a little boy from running headlong into a glass shop front a few years ago and was screamed at by the parents (who hadn’t been watching) complete with the father full on facing up to my DH until a female member of staff got in the way and pointed out that his child would have been hurt if it wasn’t for my DH.

Maybe it is time to go back to another country where people are sane! My mum lives overseas & I used to live there, maybe it's finally time to say enough us enough of the way the U.K. is going.

when it gets so bad a man is more worried about 'what it'll look like' to help a child in a busy shopping mall, than to stop them maybe getting hurt, we really know we've fucked up the messsaging.

Pointless post if you have nothing to offer the OP.

@Whatshisface Your DH was probably worried that the man would accuse him of kidnapping his little girl.

Yes, I think a lot of it does come down to do you have experience of small children or not? Pre-DC, I wouldn't have known what the right thing to do was but, as a parent, I know you just grab them first and get them to safety if the situation demands it. I think many dads would also do this and I can't imagine the male nursery workers at my son's nursery ignoring a small unknown child because they were afraid of the repercussions. So maybe it is just about having experience with young children.

But you have expressed a general principle - “I would not hold the hand of a child I don’t know”. It’s you who expanded your analysis beyond the specific scenario in the OP.

And, in any event, a 3 year-old falling down an escalator could sustain a life-changing head injury you know, this was serious danger. Perhaps you’re not very good at risk assessment?

But if you’re in fact saying that you WOULD get over your selfishness and stop a kid running into the road, thank fuck for that.

Your post is out of order. The little girl was sensible and perfectly entitled to reach her hand out for help.

Perhaps she has fear of escalators or perhaps dad obviously wasn't paying attention... I've done it myself and my child has wondered off. All scenarios are common.

I've had to help an adult stranger on an escalator before she didn't ask me I could see she was panicking and I offered help.

The kid obviously was unable to use the escalator like you have stated other wise she would of just come down!

I would rather my child ask a stranger for help tbh than my child just stand there.

No it’s only the last line. PP is just being argumentative

No they aren't. For me 6.5 paragraphs are scored through

For what it's worth, it's not limited to men.

As an older teen girl working in a shop, I was walking from the area where a wine bottle had been dropped (glass everywhere, one staff member left standing guard) when a little kid came running helter-skelter towards it with no shoes on.

I reacted on instinct and sort of dropped down in front so they barrelled into me instead. Despite the kid being fine (no crying or anything) and this being less than 3m from an obvious load of broken glass, the mother got right in my face to shout about "how dare I touch her child" and I got a disciplinary from my boss as a result! For the record, the mum was well too far away to grab said child and hadn't even noticed the danger to try and yell to stop them.

So yeah.... I'd probably still intervene if I though there was significant danger, but aside from that I'd keep my beak out I'm afraid.

I'd have instinctively taken the little one's hand and been reassuring and kind to her, taking her to her dad at the bottom. and would have resisted telling the dad what an idiot he his

Oh fgs op, you really don't see the difference between a woman taking her hand and a man doing it? Or are you doing the faux confusion thing? My dh stopped by a child once that seemed to be lost, the parents were actually near by apparently watching but the child was teary and didn't know that. They approached my dh very accusingly, that is the last time we will be minding anyone's business. I wouldn't want my dh to stop either, he probably would have called to the dad rather.

Same

It is different for a man in this situation.

I'm sure if there was no one else close me he would have helped.

The child was in danger and presumably there were lots of witnesses around. If a child tried to run unto the road would he make the same decision.

I think it was a tricky situation for him with just a split second to make a decision. I'd have probably taken the little girl's hand but I wouldn't criticise someone for not doing so with such a small time frame to make a decision. The child's parent is 100% at fault here.

He would hardly have been leading her away if her dad was at the bottom of the escalator waiting for her and could see her at all times? Merely escorting her down. What a sad world when children can't be helped by a stranger with the assumption they are all paedophiles or murderers !!

I think people jumping to the “child dying” situation are being a bit disingenuous. I certainly wouldn’t have time to think of accusations if I saw a 4 year old girl going to run across a busy road - but that’s not the situation OP described

Yes but the debate has moved in. Some people are saying they would not help a child in any circumstances.

And the point is that real danger is not always as obvious as “running in front of a bus” so better to err on the side of caution.