DH didn't help little girl

[Whatshisface]

My DH was in a shopping center.

He was about to go down an escalator, but in front was a man on his phone and what he assumes was his 3/4 year old daughter.

The man was still talking away on his phone, his daughter was a step or two behind him when the dad got on the escalator.

The daughter hesitated and just stood at the top; DH then is next to the little one, who reaches out her hand to DH --- my DH didn't take it, but instead got on the escalator himself.

The man then shouted up to the girl 'stay there, stay there' as he had to walk to the opposite end of the center to get to the 'up' escalator.

DH said he looked up and a woman had stopped to stay with the little one.

I was really mortified DH hadn't either 1) taken her hand to take her down with him, or 2) stayed with her until her dad came back.

But DH said, as a male, and it being a little girl, he 100% didn't feel comfortable with either scenario.

Did he do the right thing?

I'd have instinctively taken the little one's hand and been reassuring and kind to her, taking her to her dad at the bottom. and would have resisted telling the dad what an idiot he his

I agree with this. Most men are not walking around with bad intentions but will be judged so I completely understand where your dh is coming from.

Yes, you may have taken her hand and that would have been looked on as fine, but unfortunately it's very easy for a man so much as looking at a child that isn't his to be misconstrued. It shouldn't actually be the case IMO, and it doesn't keep kids any safer to assume all men are Up To Something with kids, but that's how it is sadly.

@EnterFunnyNameHere what a shame. You did an amazing thing for that child. That’s all that matters. Your boss is a fool!

I don’t care what people ‘think’ I’m doing. I ‘know’ I’m doing the right thing by a child. Nothing else matters.

I think it's really difficult for men to intervene. Many years ago, my late husband drove out of our road on to the main road. On the other side, standing near the wooded bit of the local cemetery was a tiny girl, 2-2 and a halfish, sobbing her heart out. Husband screeched to a halt and I ran across (she started across the road and I was terrified of her being run down) She couldn't really speak for crying but I eventually established with much pointing that Mum was in the cemetery, so took her hand and went in through the trees. A scared looking young boy appeared and said he was her brother, so I sent him to fetch their Mum, who appeared a few minutes later (distraught, poor woman)

I know that never in a million years would my husband have been able to do this. He said if he'd been alone he would have crossed the road, waited with her and flagged down the next car containing a woman.

Yes I see it as nearly all crossed out too. This often happens (to my view anyway). It's really annoying.

It's such a minefield these days, if a man wants to help a child in this situation. I completely understand why your DH didn't take the child's hand. I'm sure if she had been about to tumble down the escalator, he would have intervened, but that isn't what happened.

I remember my eldest disappeared in Tesco when he was about 3. In the time it took for me to lift a bunch of bananas, he had wandered off. I ran around frantically trying to find him for what felt like a lifetime. A man appeared with DS beside him and said 'I'm guessing this is yours'. He then made a point of letting me know that he was shopping 'with his daughter' (who was trailing along looking very bored!), presumably so that I wouldn't link he had dishonest motives. He did a good thing, but sadly felt he had to explain himself. Needless to say, I was very grateful to him.

This time, but no thanks to him!!

he could just have easily looked up & seen her sprawled on the escalator, blood dripping from her head!

Yep, totally agree with this.

@Pyewhacket So if he holds her hand and takes her down the escalator to her waiting father, what could possibly be construed from that?

In a risk assessment, I think moving her from the top of a moving escalator, with her dad waiting at the bottom of the escalator, is better than leaving her at the top as a lesson in stranger danger

I totally disagree. Taking her down the escalator is towards her Dad, who was presumably still on the escalator when this happened. Even if he was at the bottom, you are traveling in the direction of the Dad.

Taking the child AWAY from the escalator and her father could be easily misconstrued and is exactly what a predator would do. I would have kept a very sharp eye on someone moving her away, particularly out if her dad's eye sight.

Youre really not helping the situation.

stopping good men helping doesn't stop bad men hurting kids.

besides most children hurt by men are family/friends, not strangers trying to stop them hurting/killing themselves.

This.

YourDH could have shouted for the dad, and perhaps stayed to make sure she didn't step on, but he was right not to take her hand. As a woman, I would have taken it, but I wouldn't expect my DH to.

@MermaidMummy06 That is shocking! What an awful thing to say.

Actually, the kid's dad left the child at the top of the escalator, by herself.

In an ideal world, he would have taken her down and berated the dad for being a dick - this isn't an ideal world. He probably should have called down to the dad, then brought her down, but I totally understand his thinking.

Oh do stop being so sensible!

it's nice to know there are still some normal people around!!

"If anyone saw a strange man near an unattended child then he could have been labelled a peado and it would have ruined his life."

This seems hysterical. Most right-thinking people would accept the explanation. There were people around. There are cameras. Has anyone ever had their life ruined for helping a child?

Exactly @SlashBeef
I really hope there are more people like this out there than people like @MermaidMummy06
Shocked by the callous attitude of some ‘mummies’ on here.

a 3 year-old falling down an escalator could sustain a life-changing head injury you know, this was serious danger. Perhaps you’re not very good at risk assessment?

They certainly have a high risk of their hair getting caught and their scalp being torn off.

I wouldn't let a small child step on to an escalator unaccompanied if I could prevent it.

@AllHailKingLouis

Sorry it picked up the wrong quote, I was replying to one of the ones about the strike through!

What a sad world we have made when a child is left in danger because the hysterical believe that every man is out to abuse children. Our society is a mess.

its a difficult one and a broad situation I have often discussed with my partner; he feels the same in that he would be reluctant to intervene.

I have advised him that if he ever comes across a child lost / in distress, that he stays with the child until he can attract the attention of a passing female and ask her to stay, while he goes and seeks help/raises the alarm.

Most men are good people with nothing but honest intentions, just imagine if a child was abducted because said good man couldn’t involve himself and walked on by?!

A child went to grab his hand, he refused and was onto the escalator and then realising the situation turned around and saw a woman with the child.

Are we really saying when someone is on the escalator they should try and run back up it? Which one assumes is pretty dangerous?

All the other stories about seeing kids about to run into road are slightly different as the person who can intervene isn't on a moving escalator at the time.

I would be angry if my DP left a little girl in danger.

I don't understand the mentality of people who have helped someone in the past, received a bad reaction, and so won't help anyone ever again.

Who cares if you get a dirty look, if you did the right thing and protected a child?

One bad experience doesn't mean all future interactions will be the same.