DH didn't help little girl

[Whatshisface]

My DH was in a shopping center.

He was about to go down an escalator, but in front was a man on his phone and what he assumes was his 3/4 year old daughter.

The man was still talking away on his phone, his daughter was a step or two behind him when the dad got on the escalator.

The daughter hesitated and just stood at the top; DH then is next to the little one, who reaches out her hand to DH --- my DH didn't take it, but instead got on the escalator himself.

The man then shouted up to the girl 'stay there, stay there' as he had to walk to the opposite end of the center to get to the 'up' escalator.

DH said he looked up and a woman had stopped to stay with the little one.

I was really mortified DH hadn't either 1) taken her hand to take her down with him, or 2) stayed with her until her dad came back.

But DH said, as a male, and it being a little girl, he 100% didn't feel comfortable with either scenario.

Did he do the right thing?

I'd have instinctively taken the little one's hand and been reassuring and kind to her, taking her to her dad at the bottom. and would have resisted telling the dad what an idiot he his

Wow aren’t you a charmer.

CCTV everywhere in shopping centres. What exactly was he scared of being accused of?? It’s not illegal to help someone down an escalator

This. I completely understand why he didn't. I'm surprised you don't.

It's a very sad world where an adult hesitates to help a frightened child in a crowded place. The least he should have done was stay with her.

Poor little girl.

Ah this happened to my little girl in IKEA once. A guy scooped her up and came down with her. She was smiling with him all the way and I was very grateful and embarrassed I'd let it happen! It never crossed my mind to think he could be a weirdo. He was literally bringing her to her mother, not doing a runner with her!

She hasn't & no it's not.

As a man he is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.

No one is damned for genuinely helping a child. How ridiculous.

Has the op confirmed whether she and her dh have children?

that is important

a man with no children and very limited and possibly no experience would likely not know what the heck is the right thing to do in this situation

It’s so sad but your DH did the right thing.

If anyone saw a strange man near an unattended child then he could have been labelled a peado and it would have ruined his life.

In future I would have stayed with the girl and shouted down to the man like ‘excuse me’ - not only to try and get his attention but also let the others around me know.

I know one time I was at a theme park and a man asked if I could stand with the child whilst he went and found staff as he didn’t want to be seen hanging around her.

I always remember a man walking in ASDA with a child.
In his words he was headed towards customer services but it’s right next to the entrance so people saw him and the police were called.
No one knows the truth but if he is innocent then being labelled a peado for trying to be helpful but must be horrible!
I can imagine in the future a child needing help and him not helping which is even worse.

BTW I can see your text absolutely fine. It’s only the last line that has a cross in it and it’s still fine to read.

No, just the one line & it's not irritating

some people are just grumpy control freaks who think they own the Internet.

What the hell are you on about??

I avoid touching children who aren't mine and especially those that aren't guarenteed to have reasonable, calm parents.

Quite often I've loitered near a doorway in a shop near a free range toddler. The toddler is likely to turn back or a parent to collect. I would not let a toddler leave where the risk level escalates. Staying and monitoring that the situation is about to resolve in the next 10 seconds means that the child is not going to have further issues and I can leave with my nose/ ear drums intact.

Regrettably I was once in a busy shoe shop when a heavily pregnant woman nicely asked a boy of about 8/9 to move off a seat so she could try shoes on. The boy amicably obliges and stands nearby. Seconds later the mother approaches and unleashes an absolute raging torrent of foul mouthed abuse. The entire shop was dumbfounded and fortunately the mother grabbed the son and dragged him off after finishing her tirade. No one intervened because the intensity of her rage invoked a freeze reaction in all.

The problem is the prevelence of parents who do not want anyone to talk to or deal with their child and who will make life unpleasant for anyone who interacts. We don't know who those parents are and it deters intervention.

I astonished anyone thinks like this. You'd want to be in a relationship with the sort of man who'd let a child get hurt when he could have stopped it to save himself from a difficult conversation?

Exactly this, what was he thinking. And only the last line crossed out for me.

They definitely are. I agree with @925XX

I feel sorry for the little girl but this is her dad’s fault, not your partners.

I feel like there has to be a parallel thread alongside this one in which people are asked “Would you be happy with this man helping your child in this situation?”.

I am absolutely shocked at the stories of people shouted at and accused when they helped a child. What the fuck has the world come to that the basic response is to assume malicious intent? The idea that a shop could be “brought into disrepute” by a female staff member taking the hand of a lost child- what insane school of management taught that? I’d be unimpressed if she didn’t.

I have to say I don’t blame paedophiles for the dilemma in which OP’s DH found himself (“some bad apples spoiling things for everyone, you can’t be too careful”). I blame tabloids stoking hysteria.

So, who here would have been angry with OP’s DH for taking their child’s hand?

Sad state of affairs that we now can't help anyone, for fear of repercussions.

That’s a very good point @Stompythedinosaur .

The problem is the prevelence of parents who do not want anyone to talk to or deal with their child and who will make life unpleasant for anyone who interacts. We don't know who those parents are and it deters intervention.

There are also parents who will think you are a callous bastard if you don’t want to engage with their adorable children in cafes etc. The whole thing is a minefield.

He did the right thing. The dad knew where she was and could see her. I stood with a little girl last week in the beach as she was hysterical that she couldn’t find her mum. I got on her level and calmed her down while she looked around for her mum. The beach was packed. After about 5 minutes the hysterical mum came running over. Rather than say thank you she grabbed her daughter and gave me a dirty look and walked off. I felt uncomfortable and I’m a woman!

Yes my instinct would have kicked in to protect the child. Your DH’s instinct was different.
A similar thing happened to me. My 6 year old hesitated at top of escalator and I hadn’t realised as had bags in my hands. The man behind me just took her hand and brought her down. I was so grateful to him and he was so calm and instinctive. I was grateful that he didn’t second guess himself. I think DH would do the same as he is a father.

He wouldn't have been 'leading her away' he would have been in an escalator a few steps behind he mr FUCKING useless father. He wasn't leading her off to the dimly lit car park FFS

As a woman I mind my own business too. I certainly wouldn't hold the hand of a child I don't know. You risk a torrent of abuse, some parents lose their shit at what they deem interference. It's not worth it having to explain myself.