DH didn't help little girl

[Whatshisface]

My DH was in a shopping center.

He was about to go down an escalator, but in front was a man on his phone and what he assumes was his 3/4 year old daughter.

The man was still talking away on his phone, his daughter was a step or two behind him when the dad got on the escalator.

The daughter hesitated and just stood at the top; DH then is next to the little one, who reaches out her hand to DH --- my DH didn't take it, but instead got on the escalator himself.

The man then shouted up to the girl 'stay there, stay there' as he had to walk to the opposite end of the center to get to the 'up' escalator.

DH said he looked up and a woman had stopped to stay with the little one.

I was really mortified DH hadn't either 1) taken her hand to take her down with him, or 2) stayed with her until her dad came back.

But DH said, as a male, and it being a little girl, he 100% didn't feel comfortable with either scenario.

Did he do the right thing?

I'd have instinctively taken the little one's hand and been reassuring and kind to her, taking her to her dad at the bottom. and would have resisted telling the dad what an idiot he his

Good grief. Why on earth did he bother running if he wasn’t going to pick her up?

All these poor defenceless men.

This really isn’t normal.

Normal men (and women) act first and save the child (unless it endangers their oen life). Anything less is cowardice.

Would you want someone to help your child if the alternative was death or harm?

Sure. That’s not what happened here though. The child was completely unharmed, let alone alive. Your argument is weak if you need to use such an extreme example.

Haven't RTFT, have the usual suspects turned up to froth about OP saying "center"?

I wouldn't take a child's hand that I didn't know. I'd probably wait with them until the dad came back though.

The father of the girl was an idiot, and I fully understand why your DH didn't hold her hand. Most men are terrified by now of being accused of inappropriate behaviour.

The child was unharmed because someone else helped her!

For those who believe that we should all intervene whenever we see vulnerable children exposed to risk. Here is an extreme but cautionary tale about someone impacted by a 'genuine human error'.

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2022/jun/21/man-arrested-for-stealing-sausage-rolls-killed-himself-after-police-labelled-him-a-paedophile

"Temple did not know of the error when he gave the papers to his then girlfriend, the court heard. When she then began spreading the incorrect information, Temple was subjected to verbal and physical abuse and his home was attacked, the court heard.

He also reported threats and assaults to the police, the court heard. But visits by police welfare officers to Temple’s home only fuelled unfounded suspicions about him, the court was told."

I suspect that the poor soul was likely functionally illiterate and the events that followed were extreme, but it's not just the rich and famous who get cancelled.

Unfortunately it's a complete minefield. Sad really.

But a child who learns to take the hand of the nearest grown man is not safe, is she?

YABU a bit. Whilst I do think it would have been nice for him to have helped her, I can understand why most men would not want to touch a little girl - not even gently grabbing her hand to help her. Would have been worried about the parent screaming at him or attacking him for touching THEIR DAUGHTER. Or even worse, labelled a pervert/pedo.

I am not a MRA, but a lot of men are afraid to do ANYTHING that means they get too close to children or women they're not supposed to be near, lest they get labelled something nasty. So I think YABU @Whatshisface

Unfortunately children do die on escalators. Thankfully this child was ok but no excuse to leave a child alone to cope.

Oh another time I was in the shopping centre. I was heading for a down escalator. But in front of me there was 3 siblings, the oldest looked about 7, carrying a baby. Then behind was a small child about 3. The 3 year old started panicking on the escalator. The 7 year old couldn't deal with her due to carrying the baby. I managed to hold the 3 year olds hand to keep her safe. The parents were about 25 feet from the top of the escalator nattering and not even noticing. Fortunately at the bottom of the escalator there was adults who knew the kids, but I was all ready to storm in and tell the parents off for not supervising their children near an escalator.

Wanted to add, I would imagine this father of the little girl isn't a very nice person anyway, if they left their small pre-school age child behind them on an escalator, so they very likely would have kicked off. Even though THEY didn't give a shit, they would still attack someone else who did!

Its sad but totally understand his reasoning. I think in future in that situation again, maybe he could look around and ask a woman for help explaining why

"But a child who learns to take the hand of the nearest grown man is not safe, is she?"

In this case, it was the least worst option.

I suppose her dad could have shouted 'good girl for remembering our chats about stranger danger' as she fell to her death.

I mean, come on, there's got to be some common sense applied.

As a society, particularly at the moment, we demonise men, mock movements like #notallmen, paint women and girls as defenceless victims living in a world of threat from men and then wonder why decent men do not want to be seen intervening (as with the PP story about the baby). Maybe when we start treating men like we treat women (like the PPs about telling their children to find a woman, because obviously she's safer and can't possibly be bad) , men will want to help and intervene.

I don't blame men for not wanting to intervene. I really don't. It's not individual cowardice, it's a problem we have created as a society, and ultimately that wee girl copped for it as many do.

justfiveminutes are you being deliberately obtuse or can you really not

Well that’s where we differ.
While it’s nice for people to help I don’t think it’s a moral failing if they don’t do so. Some people have the instinct to jump in straightaway.
Some people don’t.
It’s very easy to sit here and have a theoretical discussion about what you would do. But you never know until you’re in the situation.

Would be I be a bit ??? If my DP hasn’t helped in a situation where he 100% could have (not this). Yep. Would I be ‘mortified, angry’ or have a very strong reaction to it? Nope. That’s a very black and white reaction.

Precisely

See what a man might not wish to seen hanging around a strange child (hit send to soon somehow).

YABU, he couldn't have helped in this situation and it all worked out okay with a woman helping instead.

"Sure. That’s not what happened here though. The child was completely unharmed, let alone alive. Your argument is weak if you need to use such an extreme example."

Did you read about the two children who fell from an escalator this week, and that one of them died?

It was a different scenario but escalators are dangerous for little children. She was three and stood at the top of one. Saying 'she didn't fall down it though' (maybe just because someone else did help) doesn't detract from the possibility that that could have happened.

Maybe when men stop killing and raping us, we women and girls will stop painting ourselves as victims.

It doesn't look all crossed out to me. Just the last line and a half

No, but unfortunately, DH is not responsible for that in any way shape or form. Her parent is. Hand wringing about how he should have saved the day doesn't make that any less true.

I assume it wasn't just DH and the child, so what about all the other people around her?

I also assume it would be pretty hard to fall top from bottom on a busy escalator.

I once grabbed the hand of a tiny boy who was charging full tilt towards a main road. He did not want to be detained and was screaming. Thankfully, it was not too long before his mum and nan came running up in tears - I was glad that they thanked me and did not accuse me of abduction.