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Original poster

DH didn't help little girl

602 replies

Whatshisface · 02/07/2022 06:39

My DH was in a shopping center.

He was about to go down an escalator, but in front was a man on his phone and what he assumes was his 3/4 year old daughter.

The man was still talking away on his phone, his daughter was a step or two behind him when the dad got on the escalator.

The daughter hesitated and just stood at the top; DH then is next to the little one, who reaches out her hand to DH --- my DH didn't take it, but instead got on the escalator himself.

The man then shouted up to the girl 'stay there, stay there' as he had to walk to the opposite end of the center to get to the 'up' escalator.

DH said he looked up and a woman had stopped to stay with the little one.

I was really mortified DH hadn't either 1) taken her hand to take her down with him, or 2) stayed with her until her dad came back.

But DH said, as a male, and it being a little girl, he 100% didn't feel comfortable with either scenario.

Did he do the right thing?

I'd have instinctively taken the little one's hand and been reassuring and kind to her, taking her to her dad at the bottom. and would have resisted telling the dad what an idiot he his

OP posts:
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justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 11:00

"None, after the fact, but that wouldn't stop the immediate hysteria, would it?"

What a cowardly position. I will never understand someone more scared of some hypothetical 'hysteria' than a child falling down an escalator.

Scoobydoobywho · 02/07/2022 11:01

Why do you think it was on your husband to help the child down the escalator. That was her Dads responsibility which he failed miserably at. We always make sure our kids are either in front or to the side at young age.

Luckypoppy · 02/07/2022 11:04

Rd to b

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 11:05

Scoobydoobywho · 02/07/2022 11:01

Why do you think it was on your husband to help the child down the escalator. That was her Dads responsibility which he failed miserably at. We always make sure our kids are either in front or to the side at young age.

One day, if you make a mistake that puts your child at risk of harm, you might be pleased that other people don't think like you, that they help and act to protect your child.

It was not 'on her dh' as she was with her dad but surely it's incumbent on all of us to act like decent humans? 'Oh look a toddler about to fall down the escalator, oh well, dad should be watching out for her.' I'd be disappointed by dp too. It's not the character trait you hope for in a partner really.

TedMullins · 02/07/2022 11:05

BigFatLiar · 02/07/2022 09:01

Wow, I wouldn't think twice about helping but I'm a woman.

Women are assumed to be maternal and loving and would be taking care of the child (we all know on MN that all mums are like this). Women do take/hurt children, men take/hurt children, other children take/hurt children.

Most people are actually pretty caring as far as kids go. As it was the dad who had wandered off not paying attention he'd probably been ok with the husband bringing the girls down the escalator.

Honestly, as a woman I’m genuinely shocked to see so many people think it’s instinctive and would have taken the child’s hand. That wouldn’t have been my instinct at all. I probably wouldn’t even have noticed this happening, and I wouldn’t have thought a child standing by an escalator was imminent danger. I’d have ignored it and gone about my business, not as an active choice, but the instinct to get involved just isn’t there. If the kid was about to stick their fingers in the escalator, then yes, sure, I’d pull them back. But just standing clearly waiting for their dad? Nope

NotMyDust · 02/07/2022 11:05

Iwantmyoldnameback · 02/07/2022 10:55

Why didn't he stand with child and shout to the father? I'd be furious if my husband told me he'd ignored a child like this.

yup agree! I think always do the morally right thing and sod the potential consequences.
What an odd society we have when someone feels they can't step in to 'save' a child!

Arenanewbie · 02/07/2022 11:05

a parent who doesn't give two shits about a child on top of the escalator is hardly going to buy you a thank you card.

@beautyisthefaceisee Spot on !!!

Benjispruce4 · 02/07/2022 11:07

@beautyisthefaceisee we all make mistakes.
Its for the child’s safety to help, not for a thank you.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 02/07/2022 11:08

Commended for walking past a very young child by herself at the top of an escalator? I wonder if mn would have commended him if she'd fallen down it and died, or been seriously hurt. What a prince.

Where’s the blame for her father - the actual parent - in all of this?

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 11:09

Arenanewbie · 02/07/2022 11:05

a parent who doesn't give two shits about a child on top of the escalator is hardly going to buy you a thank you card.

@beautyisthefaceisee Spot on !!!

So judgmental. Maybe your dc will reach adulthood without you ever making a mistake, having a lapse of judgment or being preoccupied.

Regardless, helping a child shouldn't be dependent on how grateful (or not) you think the parent will be.

sundaydayisnotmyfundayday · 02/07/2022 11:10

It wouldn't have occurred to me that it would have looked dodgy until after the fact. The danger of the child being hurt by the escalator is far greater than the chance of you being assaulted for trying to help.

But then I did once see a crying child on the street being ignored by half a dozen adults near to him (waiting at a bus stop) so I pulled up in my car, asked him if he was ok, he told me he was lost so I had him get into my car and drove him to school (he was in the same uniform my son wore) and I genuinely had no thought about how dodgy it must have looked to the world until the kid was in my car and we were on our way 😬😂

As it turned out the little boy aged 7 had just come here from another country and he and his mum had been given a school place across the city. She usually got the bus with him but that day his younger brother was ill so he went alone. The bus driver must have had some sort of issue because everyone had been told to get off quite some way from the kids actual stop. Hence he was lost.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 02/07/2022 11:12

If I was a man I wouldn't have touched her either.

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 11:13

"Where’s the blame for her father - the actual parent - in all of this?"

It goes without saying that her father was at fault. OP started the thread to talk about her dh's response so that is what most people have addressed.

Do you really think it's ok to watch a child die or get hurt, as long as you can say afterwards that it was the parents' fault?

I don't think my conscience would be ok with that one.

Characterbuilding · 02/07/2022 11:15

The same thing happened to me at a train station. My toddler son let go of my hand just as I stepped onto a very tall escalator. I was beside myself. I was afraid he might turn back and end up under a train. No one male or female stopped with him as I frantically raised the alarm and ran up the escalator to come back down and get him. Other passengers male and female seemed to acknowledge he was there but no one intervened. I would always stop to help a child and would expect my teenage boys to do the same. I think anyone vulnerable should always be helped.

smileandsing · 02/07/2022 11:17

He was right not to touch her, he could have been accused of all sorts. Imagine you saw a strange man (or woman) leading your young child by the hand.
He could perhaps have shouted to the man she was with though as he clearly didn't realise right away.

In this scenario it's very different for a woman to stop and help. But even then you have to be careful. I've stood with lost kids in a supermarket or shopping centre and chatted calmly to them while trying to find out where their parents are, and locating a staff member who could take care of them and put a tannoy announcement out. I didn't touch them, but just stayed with them to make sure they were safe. I'd hope someone would do the same for my child.

cannibalvalley · 02/07/2022 11:18

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 10:53

"It so sad but he made the right choice it's very difficult for a man to defend himself from accusations ."

What accusations could possibly be made in a shopping centre, with people around, her dad in sight/calling distance and cameras?

Anyone too scared to help a child in danger is a coward. Would you want someone to help your child if the alternative was death or harm? If so, you do the same then.

This.
Lots of people though are cowards and would rather see a child seriously injured.

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 11:20

"He was right not to touch her, he could have been accused of all sorts. Imagine you saw a strange man (or woman) leading your young child by the hand."

Well he would have been leading her onto the same escalator that her dad was already on, just ahead of them.

I'd like to think my response would be embarrassed but thankful.

KissThaRain · 02/07/2022 11:20

I wild t have Jed the kids hand either - good on your dh for not doing so either.

if child’s father had called out before I stepped on the escalator and I was near the child then I’d have waited with them

beautyisthefaceisee · 02/07/2022 11:20

It would still involve him walking hand in hand with a girl though wouldn't it?

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 02/07/2022 11:21

beautyisthefaceisee · 02/07/2022 11:20

It would still involve him walking hand in hand with a girl though wouldn't it?

The same girl who will, in a couple of years, have ‘stranger danger’ drummed into her.

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 11:22

This thread is a depressing read in terms of moral integrity. So many people who wouldn't help, wouldn't notice, would be proud and pleased if their dh ignored a child in danger. I can't imagine arguing for leaving a child in danger tbh.

BashfulClam · 02/07/2022 11:24

we were in asda once and there was a young baby crawling at the bottom on the flat. Escalator on its own. DH ran down the hesitates then said to me ‘ehm coukd you pick her up’. Such a wee beautiful child and no parents in sight. I got hold of a staff member and after 10 minutes a couple came ambling along with the bloke saying ‘where is she?’ Idiotic parents she was just a little baby, if she’d been mine I’d have been Frantic (she also wouldn’t be crawling around unattended when there were two parents). Men have a fear of being seen as in appropriate around children.

Spidey66 · 02/07/2022 11:26

He was right, but should have stayed with her.

A few years back I was in the amusement arcade at the seaside while on holiday. A little boy of about 3 approached me and asked if I'd help find his mum. Of course I said yes, and held his hand while we wandered round looking for her. It was clear I was trying to help. I was asking him what she was wearing, did she have a hat on, is that her over there etc. We did find her after a couple of minutes and I explained he'd asked me to help. But I'm a middle aged woman, it seems more OK. Shouldn't but does.

Ps the mother didn't thank me for helping her child though 🙄

HaveringWavering · 02/07/2022 11:27

Scoobydoobywho · 02/07/2022 11:01

Why do you think it was on your husband to help the child down the escalator. That was her Dads responsibility which he failed miserably at. We always make sure our kids are either in front or to the side at young age.

The Dad was an idiot and the situation was 100% his fault, but he was already off down the escalator and unable to do anything. OP’s DH was right there and able to prevent her coming to harm, but he didn’t do that. But he men were at fault, but independently of one another.

Vikinga · 02/07/2022 11:28

He should have stayed with the girl whilst shouted up at the dad to make his intentions clear. He should then have crouched to the child's level.

That father is an absolute idiot who shouldn't be left in charge of children.