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Original poster

DH didn't help little girl

602 replies

Whatshisface · 02/07/2022 06:39

My DH was in a shopping center.

He was about to go down an escalator, but in front was a man on his phone and what he assumes was his 3/4 year old daughter.

The man was still talking away on his phone, his daughter was a step or two behind him when the dad got on the escalator.

The daughter hesitated and just stood at the top; DH then is next to the little one, who reaches out her hand to DH --- my DH didn't take it, but instead got on the escalator himself.

The man then shouted up to the girl 'stay there, stay there' as he had to walk to the opposite end of the center to get to the 'up' escalator.

DH said he looked up and a woman had stopped to stay with the little one.

I was really mortified DH hadn't either 1) taken her hand to take her down with him, or 2) stayed with her until her dad came back.

But DH said, as a male, and it being a little girl, he 100% didn't feel comfortable with either scenario.

Did he do the right thing?

I'd have instinctively taken the little one's hand and been reassuring and kind to her, taking her to her dad at the bottom. and would have resisted telling the dad what an idiot he his

OP posts:
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EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 02/07/2022 10:39

ruMpunchh · 02/07/2022 10:37

Eugh why is your post crossed out, Ive seen 1 words before but whole paragraphs are pointless and annoying.

It's a site glitch and not something OP did.

PetraBP · 02/07/2022 10:41

No, he did the right thing. I’ve always told DD that if she’s in trouble she should try and find a woman with children of her own to help.

Men who are aware like your DH are to be commended.

My DH will watch from a distance if a child appears to be in distress and has, before now, approached women with children to ask for help discreetly with a “that child appears to be in distress- do you know them?” method. The woman with children has always then gone over and provided assistance to the child.

I think caring men who are in that situation should use the same method as it protects them, protects the child and protects society as a whole.

beautyisthefaceisee · 02/07/2022 10:41

MissMaple82 · 02/07/2022 10:37

Ffs no, there's no issue with men helping out children that need help!! Jesus christ what a world.

there shouldn't be, but there is.

PetraBP · 02/07/2022 10:42

Obviously if a child is drowning or being attacked, there should be no problem with a man jumping in to help. That’s different.

beautyisthefaceisee · 02/07/2022 10:43

I actually think it's a good thing that a child isn't taught to take random men's hands.

The comparison to drowning in ponds is ridiculous.

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 10:44

"Men who are aware like your DH are to be commended."

Commended for walking past a very young child by herself at the top of an escalator? I wonder if mn would have commended him if she'd fallen down it and died, or been seriously hurt. What a prince.

Imaginary · 02/07/2022 10:45

I think he did the right thing.
I'd probably hesitate to touch someone else's child (unless that was necessary to save the child from danger, e.g. falling), and I'm a woman.
He could have said a nice word to her, that her daddy would be back soon or something.

LaughandGiggle · 02/07/2022 10:45

I would have helped but my teacher DH wouldn't have felt comfortable doing that. It's sad that he wouldn't have felt able to help but that's the society we live in.

The only person responsible for leaving the child in a vulnerable situation was the Dad. He should have been watching the child properly. If she'd have got hurt, that would have been on him.

Your DH did the right thing.

PetraBP · 02/07/2022 10:45

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 10:44

"Men who are aware like your DH are to be commended."

Commended for walking past a very young child by herself at the top of an escalator? I wonder if mn would have commended him if she'd fallen down it and died, or been seriously hurt. What a prince.

No, commended for keeping an eye on things from a distance without putting himself at risk of being misunderstood.

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 10:46

beautyisthefaceisee · 02/07/2022 10:43

I actually think it's a good thing that a child isn't taught to take random men's hands.

The comparison to drowning in ponds is ridiculous.

No it isn't it's exactly the same. The child drowned because a man saw her wandering by herself and was frightened to approach her. Later, she drowned in someone's garden.

She offered her hand, dad was in sight. Stranger danger is just a convenient excuse for not helping.

rwalker · 02/07/2022 10:46

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 07:58

Correct to care more about what people think than a child's safety? Lots on here agree with you. We've got the society we deserve it seems.

Show quote history

It so sad but he made the right choice it's very difficult for a man to defend himself from accusations

It's very much presumed guilty .

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 10:47

"No, commended for keeping an eye on things from a distance without putting himself at risk of being misunderstood."

Well he didn't do that. He walked past her, ignored her hand and got on the escalator himself.

Pure luck that someone else helped her. Was he going to get help or run back up if none came? No he wasn't.

AliasGrape · 02/07/2022 10:48

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 02/07/2022 10:38

And could none of these people doing the vilifying and taking the videos have helped the child themselves? Why were they all watching to see what one man did?

Show quote history

Well quite, and in this case there fortunately was a woman just behind who was able to help.

I’m not even particularly saying the DH did the wrong thing if he did indeed feel he was going to be vilified and accused of all sorts.

My issue is more that the supposed existence of hysterical people willing to vilify an innocent man for trying to prevent a young child falling down an escalator is being presented as reason to ignore said child and leave it to chance whether they get hurt or not. Like that’s presented as the only possible solution to that. I’m sure hysterical idiots willing to vilify him do exist, But like I said they’d be just as likely to blame him for not helping too had the worst happened.

I don’t think the answer is to shrug and not do the right thing just in case you get accused of something untoward. Surely we don’t all just accept ‘oh well yes people are hysterical about the threat of pedophilia so we just have to accept that and men can never help a child in danger, that’s just how it is’.

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 10:50

"If she'd have got hurt, that would have been on him."

No, it would have been on him and anyone who could have helped but didn't.

Shrugging and saying 'it was her dads fault' as you walk away from a hurt child, knowing you could have helped or prevented it, is ridiculous.

AliasGrape · 02/07/2022 10:51

And on balance, my life would be far more likely to be ruined by seeing a child seriously hurt when I could have helped, than by someone being a bit arsey with me in a shopping centre and accusing me of something that was demonstrably untrue (since I would have only ever have been standing near a child or helping a child back to their parent, in a public place, with cctv able to show this, and I would have shouted to the parent to make it clear what was happening).

beautyisthefaceisee · 02/07/2022 10:52

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 10:47

"No, commended for keeping an eye on things from a distance without putting himself at risk of being misunderstood."

Well he didn't do that. He walked past her, ignored her hand and got on the escalator himself.

Pure luck that someone else helped her. Was he going to get help or run back up if none came? No he wasn't.

Why would he?! Why on earth is this now all on DH?

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 10:53

"It so sad but he made the right choice it's very difficult for a man to defend himself from accusations ."

What accusations could possibly be made in a shopping centre, with people around, her dad in sight/calling distance and cameras?

Anyone too scared to help a child in danger is a coward. Would you want someone to help your child if the alternative was death or harm? If so, you do the same then.

5128gap · 02/07/2022 10:54

He shouldn't have touched her. If he was the only adult around he should have stayed with her, but as it was, there was a woman right behind, and a woman is more appropriate to watch a stranger child than a man, so not intervening was fine.
DP (m) saw a child fall the other week ( no parent in sight) and called me over to help her. Which Imo was the right thing to do. If there was no one else there he would have helped, but its very risky and the option of last resort sadly.

beautyisthefaceisee · 02/07/2022 10:54

People are very black and white on MN, and it's madness.

A different situation but the moral is the same.

My friend once intervened when a young woman was being pushed in a bar and shouted at by her boyfriend. She went over, asked hte girl if she was OK. the boyfriend punched her in the face and broke her jaw.

The boyfriend then left, with the girl stepping over her on the floor as she left with her boyfriend. The girl testified FOR her boyfriend in court.

I understand that's a different scenario, but what PP's arent understanding is wht could potentially have happened as her DH walked hand in hand wiht a young girl he doesn't know across a shopping centre.

I'm not even sure if I as a woman would have 100 percent taken her. a parent who doesn't give two shits about a child on top of the escalator is hardly going to buy you a thank you card.

beautyisthefaceisee · 02/07/2022 10:54

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 10:53

"It so sad but he made the right choice it's very difficult for a man to defend himself from accusations ."

What accusations could possibly be made in a shopping centre, with people around, her dad in sight/calling distance and cameras?

Anyone too scared to help a child in danger is a coward. Would you want someone to help your child if the alternative was death or harm? If so, you do the same then.

None, after the fact, but that wouldn't stop the immediate hysteria, would it?

Floella22 · 02/07/2022 10:55

We lost our dd in a supermarket for a few minutes. She was 5.
A teenage lad brought her back to us. He was holding her hand.

I was extremely grateful and didn't think anything of him holding her hand to bring her back.

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 10:55

"Why would he?! Why on earth is this now all on DH?"

I was replying to the comment saying he should be commended for watching from a distance.

It's not all on dh. I defended him upthread for having to make a quick decision. But he is the focus of the thread.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 02/07/2022 10:55

Why didn't he stand with child and shout to the father? I'd be furious if my husband told me he'd ignored a child like this.

justfiveminutes · 02/07/2022 10:58

"I understand that's a different scenario, but what PP's arent understanding is wht could potentially have happened as her DH walked hand in hand wiht a young girl he doesn't know across a shopping centre."

That wasn't the situation at all.

Dad on the escalator. DH at the top with the girl 'oi mate, do you want me to bring her down?'

Or dad on the escalator 'oi mate I'll wait here while you come back for her.'

No leading anywhere.

abblie · 02/07/2022 10:59

Yes he did

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