DH didn't help little girl

[Whatshisface]

My DH was in a shopping center.

He was about to go down an escalator, but in front was a man on his phone and what he assumes was his 3/4 year old daughter.

The man was still talking away on his phone, his daughter was a step or two behind him when the dad got on the escalator.

The daughter hesitated and just stood at the top; DH then is next to the little one, who reaches out her hand to DH --- my DH didn't take it, but instead got on the escalator himself.

The man then shouted up to the girl 'stay there, stay there' as he had to walk to the opposite end of the center to get to the 'up' escalator.

DH said he looked up and a woman had stopped to stay with the little one.

I was really mortified DH hadn't either 1) taken her hand to take her down with him, or 2) stayed with her until her dad came back.

But DH said, as a male, and it being a little girl, he 100% didn't feel comfortable with either scenario.

Did he do the right thing?

I'd have instinctively taken the little one's hand and been reassuring and kind to her, taking her to her dad at the bottom. and would have resisted telling the dad what an idiot he his

Now with social media, the real story doesn't even matter. Pictures or clips get posted with no context and the internet goes on a witch hunt and person gets vilified and harassed. You never know who is taking a picture or video and where they will post it and what they will say about it. The clickbait headline is all it takes to ruin someone's life in a viral picture or video. People know what draws in views.

Your DH was right. It's unfortunate, but true. There are just different un-spoken social rules concerning strangers children. Especially when it's not an emergency situation.
For instance, I've always told my two, if you're lost in a shop, go and speak to a grown-up behind the till, or in the shop uniform. Or if you can't find one, go and talk to another mummy with children.

It was a potentially very dangerous situation. Young children can be severely injured or occasionally even killed on escalators. It's far more common in under-5s.

DH would have helped the kids, probably wouldn't have thought about it. But he did used to be a primary school teacher so I think more normal for him.

That story haunts me. I've never forgotten it.

Surely stopping and calling out to the dad was the best option here?

I can understand your dh worries. Many years ago when my dds were little we came across a small child obviously lost and crying. I approached him asking if he was OK and he started screaming at the top of his voice. Good for him he was alert to stranger danger so I just waited a little way away to make sure his adult would appear. Eventually they did but it made me feel sad I couldn't have reassured him.

This thread is so sad. Why should the OPs DH not have helped a little girl? I live in Ireland so not sure if that makes a difference but I’d even expect my DS14 to help the little girl down the escalator. I don’t think every man walking around is a raging paedo and I couldn’t give a rats about social media either. The child’s safety was more important in this scenario, not the DH’s perceived notion that he couldn’t help a child out for fear of being banished to hell. Christ on a bike.

I agree. Negligent parents are usually the most hysterical about other people helping their children. I think it's because they don't see the danger or don't care about it and (rightly in many cases) view their child needing help from a stranger as being a reflection on their own parenting. So they go on the offensive to deflect their own fault in the situation. Whereas decent parents would perceive the danger in the situation and realise they were at fault and that the stranger's intervention had prevented a potentially harmful situation. The only response I have ever had for someone trying to help my child (even if I didn't immediately perceive it was necessary, knowing his capabilities) is gratitude.

Of course your DH did the right thing. And why are you so over-wrought about some else's child on an escalator who was with someone anyway?

His life could be equally ruined if he’d done nothing and turned back to see the child seriously hurt, knowing he could have prevented it.

I refuse to believe standing next to a child whilst shouting down to her father ‘excuse me your little girl didn’t make it onto the escalator, do you want me to bring her down or wait with her’ in full public view would have led to a social media witch hunt - but surely if people were going to take pictures of that and send them viral, they’d be just as likely to do the same to find the callous man who walked past a child in danger and didn’t help, even when she reached out to him for help. Luckily in this situation no harm was done, but if it had have been I’m pretty sure he’d have been more vilified for that.

I can fully understand why DH didn't want to hold the hand of a girl he doens't know or stand with her.

I'm shocked you can't.

I’ve noticed that about parents as well, I stayed with a little boy once who approached me in my local shopping area and asked me if I knew his mum, he was lost and his mum probably told him to approach a woman with a pram if he ever gets lost, anyway I waited with him and when his mum came she literally just screamed at him, didn’t acknowledged me at all, no thank you, nothing. 😕 I would still help obviously but I do think some parents get angry as they want to deflect blame for losing their child.

I wouldn't have hesitated to take her hand. Over the years I've picked random toddlers off the floor in parks when they've gone flying, lifted up a child at soft play that couldn't reach something, that sort of thing. No one has ever looked sideways at me, parents have said thanks for helping etc.

It's just not the same for men. People look at them with more suspicion. DH wouldn't dream of touching another child unless possibly it was a life or death situation and I don't blame him for it.

I don't think the shooting is deflecting but more of a fear/panic/stress response. They probably thought back later and felt guilt and regretted not thanking you.

Talk about doubling down Winter

you were unnecessarily harsh to other posters - at least have the grace to admit it.

and I could read the whole thread just fine, on the app. Does take a few minutes to catch up though so maybe do that before firing off replies half-baked

Bloody hell, get the violins out.

So much drama over a total non-event.

"Nobody has ANY obligation to help under any circumstances. It’s nice if people help. But ‘not helping’ isn’t a crime. It’s the parents’ fault if anything happens to the kid."

So depressing.

As a woman I wouldn't have held her hand but I would have stayed with her, but I think it's much trickier for a man. Just the mention of someone taking an unknown child's hand in a shopping centre immediately puts pictures of James Bulger being led away in my head. I'm surprised he didn't call to the man though, I would just suggest to him to do that next time.

I've heard other men say this. First rule of this kind of situation is apparently to get a woman to take over because they aren't seen as potential paedophiles and abductors.

I have seen posts on here where the complaint was "a stranger (female) spoke to my child" If a man spoke to the girl and had her stand away from the escalator so that others could get on, there would be the odd poster saying that was wildly inappropriate

Eugh why is your post crossed out, Ive seen 1 words before but whole paragraphs are pointless and annoying.

Ffs no, there's no issue with men helping out children that need help!! Jesus christ what a world.

And could none of these people doing the vilifying and taking the videos have helped the child themselves? Why were they all watching to see what one man did?

I see the display as OP says

OP he did the right thing.

I am a woman and I would not have done that either. What an idiot bloke the father is. I am not sure what I would have done.

This has been done to death and is anyway quite obviously a mistake.