Fed up of Judgy comments to DS

[Fattyandconfused]

DS is 12 weeks.

DP has always been obsessed with clothes. Looking smart, designer gear… the lot.

so when I got pregnant I knew we’d have a very well dressed little boy. He has a lot of high end clothes

but for some reason my friends ALWAYS have something to say about it.

always the “you have more money than sense” or “he’s a baby you are ridiculous” or “oh god” followed by eye rolls or bringing other people over “LOOK WHAT DS NAME IS WEARING NOW”

Most of the stuff is from outlets, so end up being a similar price to next baby clothes. But I cant be arsed to tell people that. People also don’t realise that DS wears clothes from charity shops, hand me downs etc. I feel like if I started justifying it by saying “oh well it only cost xxx and his trousers are charity shop” it makes me seem like I’m embarrassed. Im really not.

who wouldn’t want their DC to have the best of everything?

we aren’t in debt and it’s something DP loves to spend money on. People waste money on drink/drugs…

i dont really care what they think, but just get bored of these stupid comments. WHO CARES?
id love to know some responses that basically shuts it all down without me sounding like I’m getting aggravated by it.

People probably say this sort of thing because babies are generally a bit samey... They want to make chit chat about the baby, but there are limited things to talk about. It's quite likely you're reading too much into their comments.

Ok I wasn’t expecting Ralph Lauren and Gant from your OP. You’re hardly spending loads on them. Your friends are being weird; he’s not in expensive high end labels.

People say judgy comments because they judge. But let's be clear at 12 weeks old they are judging you not your DS.

If they make a comment about say 'Oh your 12 week old DS is wearing a Gucci top' say 'Yes it's fab, it was only £3 at TK Maxx.........' Just style it out.

I presume most people are thinking 'For gods sake, why are they spending all that money on fancy tops when they are only just going to wee, poo and be sick in them and wear them about 3 times before they grow out of it?'

OP, the reason IMO you are getting a hard time on this thread is the way you seem to be talking about the issue

1. As @saraclara mentioned, when people say they want the best for their child, this usually refers to their emotional and mental well-being. I want my child to know he is loved, to have a rich and fulfilled life etc etc. whilst I don't doubt you want those things for your son, your continued focus on the materialistic side of his upbringing will draw the conclusion that this is also your focus with him.

2. Your continued comments about giving him everything he wants again focuses on the material. The reason posters are bringing this up is that if you never say no to a child, if they constantly get everything they ask for, then they will never understand the value of these things, nor learn to appreciate them.

They will also risk growing up focusing on 'things' rather than forming friendships etc and will inevitably compare what they 'have' with what others have. Posters are warning you that 'spoiling' your child in this way may lead down a slippery slope.

To the question in hand, I would also suggest perhaps sitting with your friends and honestly saying how it makes you feel: reiterate that these clothes are often hand me downs etc but PLEASE AVOID using words like 'the best' as this implies that you think your friends don't dress their children in 'the best' and actually sounds as judgy as some of the comments they are levelling st you.

If you don't want people to notice then why put him in labels?

This.

Being a parent you will get comments no matter what! Just smile and show you aren’t bothered.

Just don’t mistake dressing your baby in designer as ‘the best’ well it might be to you but I’d rather save the money for when they’re older. You’re dressing him for your enjoyment and that’s fine.

I saw your reply to someone else, you wouldn’t give your child whatever you can afford just because you can afford it as they’ll grow up to expect it.

If you haven't learnt by now that you don't get to order people what they can and cannot post about on a thread on MN, then MN isn't for you.

He doesn't "want" anything apart from cuddles & milk op. He's 12 weeks old.

It’s all very subjective tho, what your idea of the best wouldn’t be considered the best to a lot of new mums. Organic cotton, merino wool, bamboo etc are far better quality than a labeled item that could be picked up at the market as a knock off. If this is what’s important to you , go for it !

By the way, the judging never stops. At the moment it's about clothes, later it will be something else.

@EvergreenForest makes very good points. Don't conflate material possessions as giving 'the best' for your DS.

I want my child to have the best of everything. Best clothes. Best hobbies. Best life. No exceptions

What if your child doesn't want those as they grow up? Is the poor kid going to be told off if he develops a hobby that you don't think is "the best"? How far are you taking "Best clothes"? Tailor-made suits and school uniform?

I want my child to have the best of everything. Best clothes. Best hobbies. Best life. No exceptions.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

as someone who grew up with absolutely nothing. wondering where my next meal was coming from… I will forever give my children what I never had

But @Fattyandconfused there's a middle ground which I would argue is best between not being able to give them everything & then giving them everything they want.

The problem is that you and your partner equate "the best" with "clothes with designer logos" and they really aren't necessarily the same things. You would be doing your child a favour if you bring him up to be able to detect the difference between designer goods and those with real quality. If you really want the best for him, you will bring him up to realise that what people wear actually has no importance at all, what is important is what sort of person they are.

This thread is so bitchy! I can’t see why it’s angered some people so much.

I think OP you might say to your friends that their comments upset you and they should mind their own business? I’m happy to see my friends and their babies couldn’t give a toss what they’re wearing. You do you.

I can’t afford to buy my house twice. Should I have not bought it?

i find that certain clothing tends to be a conversation starter. I think designer clothing on babies falls into this category. I think it’s because it gets worn for such a small amount of time and babies themselves have no concept of branding and marketing.

how about you just tell your friends that you like to dress your son this way, and you find their comments irritating? They maybe offended by your reply, but at least it will shut them up.

To answer your questions:

Who wouldn't want their DC to have the best of everything?
Nobody, but not sure the best of everything would extend to materialistic appearance of my child.

WHO CARES?
Well clearly you do, hence the need for this post** where you're very defensive, yet still trying to give off "who cares" vibes.

Suggested response?
No idea, but based on your current ones on this post I'd say you'll probably end up losing friends with your aggressive attitude towards something that should just be brushed off.

I wouldn’t know whether the Babygro your baby was wearing was from a supermarket or a designer shop TBH, unless it had a logo on it. They get puked and poohed on so I think paying ££££ for clothes for a baby who will also grow out of them in a matter of weeks is a waste of money. But it is your money so who cares?

I don’t think it is jealousy, just pragmatic. I also think that perhaps your friends think you are showing off. We are talking about a baby here, not an ornamental doll.

When your baby becomes a toddler please don’t be that parent who never allows them to get messy because they might spoil their clothes.

They won’t comment (other than positively) because Boden and JL aren’t adorned with brand logos.

Having logos on show does not make clothes ‘the best’.

I don’t drink or smoke either and I still wouldn’t spend money on designer clothes for children, outlet or not.

There’s a child in my DC’s infant class who shows off his designer trainers, pointing out the logo on them that makes them ‘the best’ to his friends. How’s he learnt this at 6?!

Other people's view on what is "well-dressed" on a 12 week old may well differ considerably from yours.

Having logos on show does not make clothes ‘the best’.

This. In fact I would generally says it's the lower quality stuff that has a big brand all over it!

@Fattyandconfused they are jealous or purw judgemental people. Do they have any nice things to say about baby? Do they only observe his clothes but not his personality, how cute he is, etc.

Who calls another person to point out in judgy way what friend's baby is wearing? Not the affectionate friends, who are happy to see you and baby.

Who wouldn’t want their DC to have the best of everything?

Cheap designer brand name clothes from outlets is far from 'the best' its usually exceptionally tacky (was a big marker of the chav movement) and most likely over priced sweatshop crap created to play on the poor and insecure who think dressing with 'expensive' brand names will allow them to fake their way through life even though the outlets are their to sell cheaper 'smart price' versions to the non rich and famous.

Dress your kid however you wan't, it's fine but dont go around thinking you're better than those kids in unbranded clothes because you kids has a designer name tag.

Also you clearly care, people who focus so much attention on looks are looking for praise the fact you havent got it and came on here aggravated by it look for ways to not appear aggravated by it shows you care and protest far too much about it.

@Fattyandconfused what are ‘best hobbies’ ? So curious!