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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up of Judgy comments to DS

526 replies

Fattyandconfused · 01/07/2022 23:35

DS is 12 weeks.

DP has always been obsessed with clothes. Looking smart, designer gear… the lot.

so when I got pregnant I knew we’d have a very well dressed little boy. He has a lot of high end clothes

but for some reason my friends ALWAYS have something to say about it.

always the “you have more money than sense” or “he’s a baby you are ridiculous” or “oh god” followed by eye rolls or bringing other people over “LOOK WHAT DS NAME IS WEARING NOW”

Most of the stuff is from outlets, so end up being a similar price to next baby clothes. But I cant be arsed to tell people that. People also don’t realise that DS wears clothes from charity shops, hand me downs etc. I feel like if I started justifying it by saying “oh well it only cost xxx and his trousers are charity shop” it makes me seem like I’m embarrassed. Im really not.

who wouldn’t want their DC to have the best of everything?

we aren’t in debt and it’s something DP loves to spend money on. People waste money on drink/drugs…

i dont really care what they think, but just get bored of these stupid comments. WHO CARES?
id love to know some responses that basically shuts it all down without me sounding like I’m getting aggravated by it.

OP posts:
Easilystartled · 02/07/2022 08:33

You’re entitled to spend your money on whatever you want.
But you’ll get judgy comments because most people will think that expensive clothes for a tiny baby is a waste as they wear them for so short a time and generally poo/throw up on them.
You can’t decide what other people find acceptable and you can’t demand that they keep their opinions to themselves. So your choice, ignore comments or change clothes.

Walkaround · 02/07/2022 08:35

Designer clothes are not “the best.” There is a difference between loving designer clothes and dressing accordingly, and wanting “the best” for your child. The former is just personal preference, the latter has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with a parent’s obsession with designer clothes.

Hardbackwriter · 02/07/2022 08:38

This thread is so snobby and unpleasant - and so full of posters who clearly do think they're superior getting off on berating the OP. The people using the term 'chav' in particular - you may think you're better than the OP because you meet your middle-class ideals better but you're actually incredibly ignorant and letting it show.

Tillsforthrills · 02/07/2022 08:40

Its no one’s business OP. Quite a few of my friends were like this with their babies, it’s sad that you have to deal with silly comments.

Just say - thanks for the concern, I’ll pass it on to DP.

HollowTalk · 02/07/2022 08:42

butterflied · 01/07/2022 23:51

What do you mean, best hobbies?!

Hobbies that are better than anybody else's of course!

diamondpony80 · 02/07/2022 08:43

I don't see designer brands as giving your baby the "best" in clothing. Not when they're too young to care, and they probably only get 3 or 4 wears out of a piece of clothing.

Maybe your friends think you're judging THEM because their kids are not wearing the "best" designer clothes? Your attitude certainly seems to be that some clothes are better than others based on the price. Does it make you feel like you're a better parent for giving your child the "best"? That's what it might seem like to your friends.

glittereyelash · 02/07/2022 08:45

Ignore the comments people always have something to say when you have a new baby. I make a lot of choices that wouldnt suit others but it works for my family. There's no need to emphasise that you want the best for your child every parent does but everyone has a different idea of what that means.

Trixiefirecracker · 02/07/2022 08:47

HollowTalk · 02/07/2022 08:42

Hobbies that are better than anybody else's of course!

Show quote history

I don’t understand, which hobbies specifically are those? I need examples! Is horse riding better or worse than rock climbing? 😂

FarFarFarAndAway · 02/07/2022 08:48

There's a lot of sneering on here which is way less attractive than a cute RL polo shirt on a 12 week old! Do things your way OP. No issues from me, there's a huge inverted snobbery around clothes and appearance (e.g. desirable= tatty stained organic handwoven top much better than clean clothes, mop of curls unbrushed with snotty nose much more authentic than washed face with cropped hair). These are all social signifiers but weirdly people get cross if you point this out.

Do things your way, it's cute you and your husband are doing something together that makes your little boy the centre of your world, which is how it should be.

Lalalolol · 02/07/2022 08:49

@Kite22 @saraclara so no comment on her friends eye rolling while critiqing baby's clothes.
It would be a bit more helpful if we don't take things out of context to put OP down. Best of everything can be best of everything including clothes they can afford and deem good, good education, etc. within their means. There are plenty of entitled people who didn't grow up westing designer clothes. I think it's very harsh of Sara Clara to predict child will turn into an entitled adult.

Obviously op is frustrated with lack of warmth and constant criticism by friends, so there is no need to put her down further. She is a new mum and last thing she needs is putting down by friends and from a parent support forum.

CallOnMe · 02/07/2022 08:49

I think it’s ridiculous when people dress their small children in designer clothes - the only reason they do it is to try and impress other people which is madness!

Your friends are letting you know that you don’t need to dress him up to try and impress them.

Someone who wears lots of obvious designer clothes are very insecure and it definitely sounds like your DH is. I just hope he doesn’t pass this on to his son.

They say you can always tell when someone doesn’t have a lot of money - because they’re always trying to ‘show’ they’re well off by the clothes and jewellery they wear.

Dress your child however you want but don’t let your DPs need to impress people rub off on your son as this can cause him problems as he’s growing up.

GreenOlivesinGin · 02/07/2022 08:49

I think all these attacks on the OP are very unfair. OP came on here to ask how to deal with comments and instead so many people pile on judging her choices. On what basis?? And then are upset when OP replies to these judging comments... Yes of course people are entitled to disagree with how OP dresses her kid but that was not the original question or the point of their thread.
OP, instead of an reply that may be defensive or aggressive , maybe an idea is to embrace it, have fun with it, and try to diffuse it through humour - maybe reply with a joke about it ("oh from the Chanel 2022 collection of course", and then tell them it's actually from a charity shop). It's unusual for people to spend so much on their kids' clothes so it's natural your friends may find it surprising, but it does not need to be a "big thing", and if you seem relaxed and jokey about it then they will hopefully calm down too.

Lalalolol · 02/07/2022 08:50

Sorry for typos

TheKeatingFive · 02/07/2022 08:51

I think all these attacks on the OP are very unfair. OP came on here to ask how to deal with comments and instead so many people pile on judging her choices

Her reference to her designer clothes being 'the best' for her baby was a bit inflammatory in fairness.

Lalalolol · 02/07/2022 08:52

I think it's time we have a moderator. Website is called Mumsnet, supposed to be a support group.

Hardbackwriter · 02/07/2022 08:54

CallOnMe · 02/07/2022 08:49

I think it’s ridiculous when people dress their small children in designer clothes - the only reason they do it is to try and impress other people which is madness!

Your friends are letting you know that you don’t need to dress him up to try and impress them.

Someone who wears lots of obvious designer clothes are very insecure and it definitely sounds like your DH is. I just hope he doesn’t pass this on to his son.

They say you can always tell when someone doesn’t have a lot of money - because they’re always trying to ‘show’ they’re well off by the clothes and jewellery they wear.

Dress your child however you want but don’t let your DPs need to impress people rub off on your son as this can cause him problems as he’s growing up.

So just to sum up, you think it's ridiculous for other people to wear designer clothes but you also think that clothes matter so much that you can read someone's entire personality and its flaws if they do wear designer clothes? Do you realize how silly (and uptight) you sound? And have you considered not putting so much thought into what other people wear - maybe just concentrate on yourself, try reading a book?

ClinkeyMonkey · 02/07/2022 08:54

I have never understood people's desire to comment on stuff like this. If I clocked a designer logo, I wouldn't say anything. I have my own opinions and nobody needs to hear them unbidden. If you're happy with what your baby is wearing, you need to be thick skinned and ignore the remarks. If you put him in shocking pink, that would invite comment too (even though it's just another colour) and you would have to be confident enough to ride it out. Anything you do that is different from the norm will cause a reaction because some people believe that their opinions on your lifestyle matter. They don't (or at least shouldn't). But you need to keep telling yourself that and not let them affect you.

DurhamDurham · 02/07/2022 08:56

You've mentioned drinking a couple of times. Either drinking OR buying designer gear for a baby. It's not an either/or decision, it's possible to do both or neither at the same time.

I wouldn't notice, unless they were tasteless huge logo covered items but if I did I wouldn't care, unless the parents kept pointing out the logos. That would be tiresome and irritating.

Also what is a best hobby?

Longmoorlane · 02/07/2022 08:57

@Hardbackwriter

In essence, people don’t like the OPs taste but don’t want to say that. So are coming up with ever more ridiculous reasons to justify taking a pop.

TheWelshposter · 02/07/2022 08:57

Surely Ralph Lauren etc is hardly "the best", whatever that means?! You can buy it in TK Maxx.

I would never dress my kids in real designer gear because they poo, vomit, spit out food, smear it everywhere, and fall over a lot.

Also it reminds me a bit of TOWIE, it's just not for me.

Ducksinthebath · 02/07/2022 08:57

Killing myself laughing at the comment

I am completely against fast fashion, which I can assure you almost everyone I know buys into!!!!

As if Gant and Polo are lovingly hand stitched by artisanal craftsmen.

CallOnMe · 02/07/2022 09:02

So just to sum up, you think it's ridiculous for other people to wear designer clothes but you also think that clothes matter so much that you can read someone's entire personality and its flaws if they do wear designer clothes?

@Hardbackwriter you tell me what is the reason that some people wear only designer clothes?

It’s literally to impress other people.

That’s why you get fake labels or people buying cheap versions because they’d rather have cheaply produced clothes but look expensive than have some decent well-made ones.

That’s why you see so many teens wanting designer clothes because they need to impress people.
I remember everyone dressing from head to toe in Burberry as teens thinking we looked cool but actually looked like dicks.

Obviously you’re someone who thinks they need to wear designer clothes which I’m not going to be rude about as that’s your choice but you have to ask yourself why you feel the need to dress to impress other people.

Also it’s true that the more money you have the less obvious designer clothes you wear.

Yet the less money you have the more obvious designer clothes you wear even if they’re fake.

Louise0701 · 02/07/2022 09:05

@TheWelshposter I know 😂
and Gant being the label of choice for a “fashionista”s baby made me laugh. The only person I know who wears gant is DHs 86 year old grandad 🙈

SherbetDips · 02/07/2022 09:05

Personally I think designer baby clothes are a massive waste of money as they only fit in them for 5 minutes and the ones that do last longer just end up stained or covered in poo and sick.

but your baby, your money etc so just ignore people.

username00 · 02/07/2022 09:06

Just reading through this and it's very contradictory. You said he only gets the best but you also by Primark? I don't believe designer =best but you have kind of stepped on your own point a few times. The brands you have named are often made in the same places with the same materials as the main street clothes shops. As a previous poster has said, organic Cotten and responsibly sourced fabrics are what I would consider to be 'high end'

I do believe that people who drape their children in designer gear look like they are trying to appear rich when ironically achieving the opposite

In regards to your friends, I would suggest just nipping it in the bud and telling them that you find the constant comments tedious and you'd appreciate it if they would stop. Keep it simple and say how you feel