Fed up of Judgy comments to DS

[Fattyandconfused]

DS is 12 weeks.

DP has always been obsessed with clothes. Looking smart, designer gear… the lot.

so when I got pregnant I knew we’d have a very well dressed little boy. He has a lot of high end clothes

but for some reason my friends ALWAYS have something to say about it.

always the “you have more money than sense” or “he’s a baby you are ridiculous” or “oh god” followed by eye rolls or bringing other people over “LOOK WHAT DS NAME IS WEARING NOW”

Most of the stuff is from outlets, so end up being a similar price to next baby clothes. But I cant be arsed to tell people that. People also don’t realise that DS wears clothes from charity shops, hand me downs etc. I feel like if I started justifying it by saying “oh well it only cost xxx and his trousers are charity shop” it makes me seem like I’m embarrassed. Im really not.

who wouldn’t want their DC to have the best of everything?

we aren’t in debt and it’s something DP loves to spend money on. People waste money on drink/drugs…

i dont really care what they think, but just get bored of these stupid comments. WHO CARES?
id love to know some responses that basically shuts it all down without me sounding like I’m getting aggravated by it.

I think this is one of those threads where we definitely need some photos.

But I find it difficult to believe any of her friends even dare BREATHE around such a chippy, aggressive person, let alone tease her about her baby's designer clipper.

You are free to dress your child how you want and people are free to comment on it. Let's be honest though, you're dressing them in designer wear to make them stand out as you know full well that most people don't dress their baby like this. You can't complain if it's not provoking the reaction you want. You might be able to tell your friends that their comments hurt and persuade them not to rib you about the clothes but if they believe, as many pp on here do, that designer clothes are ridiculous then you aren't going to persuade them otherwise so you're just going to have to suck it up.

Most/all people want 'the best' for their child. It kindof goes without saying...However, we will all have much different opinions on what is 'the best'. You will find as well as your child grows up that you're constantly challenging this ideal and even realising that you've got it wrong sometimes. For example, I had my 4YO dd in lots of 'hobbies'. She still does a couple but I realised that so many was detrimental to her and causing her to fatigue and that it would actually be much more valuable to just spend that time playing and making her own fun. We also stopped going on trips out quite so much as I realised she was coming to depend on this for amusement and was not brilliant at amusing herself. She now plays independently and doesn't ask 'where are we going today?' the minute she gets up 🤣

It's a long road this parenting thing and you and probably your dh will change your minds and doubt yourselves a lot along the way. Just be kind to yourselves and others and you'll do fine whatever your kid is wearing xx

Just be honest and say that you're getting fed up with the constant comments about how you choose to dress your child

I would laugh with them. I would say something like - Yes it is ridiculous to put babies in designer outfits. We all know the best clothes for babies are ones that are comfortable and easy to wash.
My partner buys them because he doesn't know better. Isn't he funny but his heart is in the right place.

"The best" is highly subjective. For me, the best thing I can do for DD is to help preserve the world I've borne her into by opposing consumerism and overconsumption.

You seem to think that people who can’t afford “high end” clothes just piss all their money away on alcohol and cigarettes. They don’t.
Also some brands were found to be burning clothes that weren’t sold so they couldn’t be sold cheaply or taken once they were out of season and no longer sold. I would rather support local businesses or buy from ethical companies if I chose to spend that amount of money on my children.
Most people don’t view chavvy labels as high end, in my opinion high end is wearing discreet, designer clothes and not feeling the need to bring attention to it.
We all want the best for our children, but clearly have different opinions on what best means.

There are some really unpleasant comments on here.

I dress my DS in fairly high end clothes, because I don’t really find many things for boys to my personal taste in supermarkets. I don’t mind the odd dinosaur, but I don’t want his entire wardrobe to consist of sludge coloured clothes with T Rexes either.

If anyone commented on my Boden / JL / JoJo choices I wouldn’t be impressed.

Most people don’t view chavvy labels as high end

And that’s the real problem here, isn’t it? It’s not that the OP is spending money on her baby’s clothes, it’s that she’s being a ‘chav.’

There are some really unpleasant comments on here.

To be fair, they're mostly coming from the OP!

My 2 year old granddaughters shoes often cost more than mine do. I do think it’s a bit silly but that’s what her parents like to do so it’s not my place to say anything. I do often worry about her losing her shoes or wrecking them whilst she’s out with me though. I’d hate to have to replace the buggers

I'd be more concerned if your DP is buying way more clothes than needed, or if there is a lot of fast fashion, than by what your DS wears.

Quite right too. I’d get unpleasant with a lot of these posts. They might just as well say ‘we don’t want a chav in our midst’

How're designer clothes "the best" ? Softer on baby's skin, easier to get on/off, warner?

Designer clothes do not necessarily make the best clothes.

I think you're focusing on the wrong thing as best!

You've come onto the internet literally to ask for peoples opinions, and then got cross when people have you their opinions.

Also here's my opinion: designer clothes on small babies always look chavvy and over the top. HTH

I’ve got a slightly different take on this OP. Could it be that your friends are just thinking of something to say? I’ve often found it very difficult to make conversation about a small baby over and above ‘hasn’t he grown?’ type comments. Maybe your friends are just trying to make conversation without realising how much they’re needling you?

A lot of outlet clothes are made specifically for the outlets so that people think they are getting a bargain when actually they are not. It's not exactly 'the best' you're hoping for. However it's entirely your choice on what your baby wears. Hopefully you can sell on the clothes and they will be worn so little. If it wasn't the clothes people would comment on something else. Ignore the comments or get new friends.

OP I would just say something like ‘well people spend lots of money on baby things, we’ve chosen to spend money on cute outfits, it makes us happy’. Then just keep repeating it.

BUT I find your post a bit weird - you’re buying clothes that are showy and are literally designed to be noticed (logos etc). Then when people notice them it upsets you. Isn’t that the point? You’re signalling to people that you’re spending lots of money on fancy clothes by buying branded stuff - why are you so surprised/peeved when they comment on it!?

Personally I would not waste money on designer clothes for a child. Fair enough the odd nice thing for an event. But children get dirty and grow so quickly it is hardly worth it. My sister to whom appearances are everything put my niece in designer clothes. That little girl was barely allowed to move in them in case she got dirty or damaged her expensive shoes. When she stayed with me we went to primark and brought some cheap clothes to play in. We made mud pies, jumped in puddles, climbed trees and rolled around in the grass. Many years later my niece still talks about her feral summer with me. I think designer clothes are what is "best" for you rather than your child. Children don't care they just want to get dirty and explore.

I don't think they're judging the clothes, more your attitude

It is no-one's business at all what you spend your disposable income on.

Like you say, other people spend things on stuff you may not like- alcohol, cigarettes etc. People have different things they spend money on.

I do drink, and yesterday DH and i added up what we spend on alcohol and eating out. It was as a surprising amount and so we are cutting back. But if someone pointed out what we spent I would be annoyed. My best friend spends £800 a month on finance for a car she adores. I personally think that is utterly cracked. But DH spends £800 a month on his hobby which is something we absorb (in my case reluctantly) because it is something he values.

I am not into fashion but I very well recall the time I got a Ralph Lauren rugby shirt for DS1 from TK Maxx. I was thrilled!! I just loved that shirt. It seemed so special to me in our sea of charity shop clothes. Sadly though he could not wear it because he has sensory issues and I hung onto it wistfully for way too long before selling it on. :(

People judge all the time- I marvel at a school family near us who have 4 kids and are spending 3 weeks on an African animal safari this summer. I am so so so envious! I am sure others marvel at the spending on DH's stupid expensive hobby and question why the kids are in charity shop clothes!! (Answer- softer textures and well worn).

Enjoy your baby. And I hope that you are able to give him the best ever life you can. It's what all good parents want for their children.

you don’t mean this? It’s not at all good for a child to have everything they want! We can afford plenty but the most useful parenting phrase I know is ‘I want never gets’.
I’m surprised no one seems to have suggested you just tell your friends that you won’t put your child in bin bags and send them to mediocre hobbies just because they do 😄. in all seriousness do you often get upset about things like you have here with your friends and on this thread? Spending some time and effort in being less sensitive might make your life easier. A water off a ducks back approach simplifies life!

Oh and as a respoinse- 'It's none of your business' is a response I am determined to start saying to a very great many things in my life. It can be said fairly politely a quizzical; 'But surely it's none of your business what i spend money on?' might work.

Mind you, I am 50 and have not quite cracked the good and timely response yet so I wish you better luck!

And that’s the real problem here, isn’t it? It’s not that the OP is spending money on her baby’s clothes, it’s that she’s being a ‘chav.’

Yup, nailed it. It’s not that you’re spending too much it’s that you’re spending it on the wrong things OP. That’s why posters here are so invested.

Why is almost everyone slating OP here, when all she wants is what is best for her baby?

Because buying designer clothes for a 12 week old baby isn't doing what's best. Babies don't care what you dress them in as long as they're comfortable, well-fed and loved.

Buying designer clothes is all for the parents - which is of course absolutely fine if you can afford it - but don't dress it up as "doing what's best" for the child when it's got absolutely nothing to do with their comfort or happiness.

Many people will make comments on babies clothes as they think it’s a waste of money spending a huge amount on something a baby will puke on, or grow out of in 5 mins. If it upsets you, which is clearly does, ask them not to comment on what your baby wears. It’s your money, if you want to spend thousands on clothes for your child then that’s your prerogative