Fed up of Judgy comments to DS

[Fattyandconfused]

DS is 12 weeks.

DP has always been obsessed with clothes. Looking smart, designer gear… the lot.

so when I got pregnant I knew we’d have a very well dressed little boy. He has a lot of high end clothes

but for some reason my friends ALWAYS have something to say about it.

always the “you have more money than sense” or “he’s a baby you are ridiculous” or “oh god” followed by eye rolls or bringing other people over “LOOK WHAT DS NAME IS WEARING NOW”

Most of the stuff is from outlets, so end up being a similar price to next baby clothes. But I cant be arsed to tell people that. People also don’t realise that DS wears clothes from charity shops, hand me downs etc. I feel like if I started justifying it by saying “oh well it only cost xxx and his trousers are charity shop” it makes me seem like I’m embarrassed. Im really not.

who wouldn’t want their DC to have the best of everything?

we aren’t in debt and it’s something DP loves to spend money on. People waste money on drink/drugs…

i dont really care what they think, but just get bored of these stupid comments. WHO CARES?
id love to know some responses that basically shuts it all down without me sounding like I’m getting aggravated by it.

I don't care how you dress your child, but

I want my child to have the best of everything. Best clothes. Best hobbies. Best life. No exceptions is all kind of wrong.

I want my dgd to grow up happy, but I also want her to be a good member of society, not just one of the privileged. And you know what, I think people who care about other people and can make a positive to those around them are happier than ones who have been brought up like you are planning to bring your child up.

primark, gant and ralph lauren. dear me 😂

My cousin was like you, her ds wore the cutest outfits but nobody ever made a comment about the price. I think all you can do is laugh it off. Or you could say you feel offended at being ridiculed and leave.

"so if your child wants something & you can afford said thing. You’ll say no and get them something else?"

Are you claiming that your 12 week old is asking for logo clothes, OP?

Did you consider that giving your DC 'the best' also means giving them an opportunity to fit in with their environment and be accepted by their social circle (which surely are kids of your friends, then kids at the nursery/school eventually). And that if your DC stands out to such an extent that your friends keep commenting on it - that may be really difficult for them and negatively influence their social interactions when they start venturing away from seeking validation only from mummy and daddy?

I grew up in a war-torn country and my family went from well-off to dirt poor in a matter of months. Now I do well but I'm always very aware how quickly it can all change. Yes, my DD has a lot of things I didn't, including some nice clothes but our focus has always been on giving her skills and experiences that will help her fend for herself, including social skills. If I were you, I'd be concerned if your friends' frequent commenting on your DCs clothes may mean that they see them (and you) as not fitting in and how that could impact their childhood.

When I was pregnant my next door neighbour's teenage daughter was also pregnant. Her boyfriend was a Premier league footballer, so she did a lot of shopping! She had a daughter, I had a son, and when I got home from hospital her mum brought me two binbags full of brand new designer 'boy' clothes that she wanted me to have! They still had tags on, and were eye-wateringly expensive. I flogged the lot on Ebay, with the exception of one Dior baby-gro, and made an absolute fortune.😁 I think my son wore the Dior baby-gro once, it was just too embarrassing and I remember my mates rightly took the piss! Designer gear for babies is a waste of cash IMO, but different strokes etc.

I'm with the other posters here your attitude that your "giving the best" to your baby by designer pieces implies that others aren't if not in designer gear. Also designer labels on a baby is crazy which is probably why your friends comment.

If you want to deal with it politely simply say oh DH got it he's a bit obsessed and indulgent but it's from a outlet so it's no biggy

Your child will wreck most things making them difficult to sell on for any value come toddling and nursery though. Are you going to tell them they can't play in the mud or on a swing because they are in designer gear?

It's probably just jealousy from your friends. It's totally up to you what you dress your child in. It's not my taste to dress in flashy brands but each to their own and I wouldn't comment on a friends choice (more than once anyway!!). I suspect this is your first baby and tbh the novelty will wear off but also as a first baby there is a chance you will keep and reuse for baby2. It sounds like you get as much pleasure from dressing him up as your dp, so go for it! If it makes you happy then ignore your friends. If you're embarrassed and unhappy about it then talk to dp and compromise.

I used to work at harrods baby department and it was totally disgusting what some parents spent their money on. Thousands of ££ on Gucci fur coats and moncler pram suits etc. Sounds like you aren't in that bracket and even at harrods you could get some tasteful bargains.

The thing is though op - you're not giving your ds 'the best' . Because for a 3 month old and clothing brands, there is no 'best'.

You're not doing anything for him, you're doing it for you.

You're not making him happier. You're not improving his quality of life. You're not making any difference to your tiny baby at ALL when you spend £100 on a baby grow instead of £3 at Primark.

Most people are sensible enough to recognise this, which is why you are ridiculed - because you don't 🤷🏻‍♀️

You just say ‘Thank you’ and smile, though I’d have thought the whole point of dressing a baby is designer clothes is to draw attention and give the impression that you’re rich.

I think youre being too sensitive about it, take it as a compliment, thanks DP loves finding designer gear, isn't it cute? If anyone says anything negative then shut them down as you have on here. We love dressing him like this it's our money why are you critising?
I'm at other end of scale, I hate waste and I've bought virtually nothing for my DD 13 weeks and just dressed her in hand me downs. Several people said I should buy a going home outfit from hospital new but I really didn't see point. I will enjoy buying some new stuff when she's older but I really couldn't care right now. You do you.

What are the best hobbies though?

I think I should warn you as the mother of several children that from age 9 months to around 3, hobbies tend to consist of eating mud, rubbing mud into hair (their own and probably yours), rubblig mud into clothes (theirs, yours, and daddy's), jumping in mud, sitting in mud, rolling around in mud, and bringing sticks home from walks.

People should make comments but to be honest people will judge.

it all sounds a bit tacky. I imagine a poor child head to toe on Burberry with gold jewellery. There will always be a bit of snobbery around dressing small children this way.

he is your child and it is up to you how you dress him and what values you instil in him. I suppose people will assume things that are unfair about him and you from the obvious need to show off and the extent to which you value labels.

and to be clear - a slavish deduction to labels isn’t about fashion - that isn’t being fashionable. It’s being insecure and not having a sense of style so assuming if something has a label on it it must be better, and therefore you must be better.

People shouldn’t make comments that should be!

Buying designer clothes for a baby isn't giving him "the best". It's pretty tacky to be honest and it's literally no better for the baby than wearing anything else. It's all for attention for the parents. So you can hardly complain about the attention you've been basically seeking? Just because it's not positive attention?

Polo and pimms

If you are confident in your choices then why would other peoples comments bother you ...? Perhaps you secretly feel that it is a bit OTT, you say it's your DP who likes 'designer fashion' rather than you?

But your choices are - ignore the comments, laugh it off, make it clear they are hurting your feelings ... or find new friends.

Babies mess on everything.
Babies don't need designer to have the best.thay doesn't mean they are ACTUALLY better than high street it's exactly what it is A LABEL/BRAND.it can make them no better than an expensive non brand.yoyr paying for a label.
Your doing it because your husband wants to it's not baby's choice or benefit.yoh wantvti make him look a certain way.
And that is completely your prerogative. But this does not make it "best" or above someone that find a lovely outfit in Next or h&m.
And on a baby unless done subtly it can look totally shite.like your making him look like a mini swarve man.

Why is almost everyone slating OP here, when all she wants is what is best for her baby? Given a news story I read this week about tragic child neglect, all that matters is that the baby is loved and cared for. I think a lot of these comments are unnecessarily nasty and probably stem from jealousy that OP is financially comfortable.
OP Mumsnet is not a place full of kindness!

If its help responding to comments you are looking for then I'd say 'Haha, we have been brainwashed by ads to think that designer=the best when really clothes are just clothes. So instead of saving for things that will actually benefit our child in life we spaff our money on clothes with tiny little labels so everyone knows that we are easily influenced.' Honesty is always the best policy

I'm surprised your friends care.

Or even think it's about being stuck up or snobbish.

Around here you'd be seen totally the opposite for having your child in designer gear head to toe daily.

My ds refuses to wear any named clothing in case he's mistaken for being a drug dealer 🤣🤷‍♀️

My point being that the best is objective and everyone should be able to live their lives and wear what they want without judgement (which I do remind my ds frequently!)

It’s easy to shut down with a simple “we enjoy it”

But I also think that you are equating designer with love and worth, because if your own poor childhood. Most people don’t have this inner need so really can’t understand people such as yourself.
Yes some people may be jealous, but the vast majority, including myself, just think it’s an utter waste of money and wouldn’t do it even when we can easily afford it. So please don’t judge us for not wanting to “give our children the best” either, as most don’t equate designer with “the best”.
Maybe this is why you are getting so many comments from people you know. They perhaps see it as snobbery rather than a reaction to your childhood. And because you don’t bother explaining about your deals, they think you are just showing off. And really, no one likes a show off.

OP you have posted a question about dressing babies in AIBU. So of course some people will disagree with you. If you are looking for validation then maybe try posting in one of the quieter sections like Parenting. But I can definitely see that you have trouble engaging with people without being aggressive.

Best best best best absolute best of everything.
Will he have the best holidays? Best car when he’s 17? Are you sending him to the best school? Is he going to have the best toys? Will you get him the best books? Is he growing up in the best house in the best area?
are you going to feed him the best food?
Is he breastfed that’s best isn’t it? Or is he on the best organic formula milk? Is he wearing the best nappies? Best nappy cream? Best best best best best.

I head very Loud and very clear you want the best for your child.
The thing is best means different things to different people.
and unless you have a bottomless pit of money, then for most it’s about prioritising what they can afford. Some people may choose an excellent holiday over year round hobbies. Some people may choose private school over holidays or a hobby.
They are all doing the best for their child.
our choices are all different but most of us have to compromise on some things unless for the few finances allow them literally whatever they choose.

So if you think you are doing your best then good for you.
Just don’t assume it’s a universal best. And don’t worry about what other people say, after all you are giving him your best.

I say this as the parent of much older children. DH and I have a pretty good joint income. Happy to share how much but let’s just say we earn quite a lot more than we need. We could probably buy almost everything our kids want. We don’t.

We don’t because kids may WANT many things but they don’t NEED them. And teaching them this is really important as a parent. Delayed gratification is one of the most important things you can teach a child. If a child has everything they want, then what they have has no ‘value’ to them no matter how much it’s material value is. They don’t learn the satisfaction of getting something by working hard for it. (Caveat: The only thing we buy a lot of is books. DH and I are both academics so reading is essential to our job. We have thousands of books- our kids have grown up seeing us read and now they both read avidly. If there is a measure of future ‘success’ in life then it is exposure to words and literature).

Next, and I say this as a FT working mother, kids want your time. They don’t want amazing days out and elaborate stuff. My kids love the weekends because we have big family meals and often spend time planning it, setting up the table. If you lie on the floor and read books to your toddler that is as ‘valuable’ to their development as working out the ‘best hobbies.’ You can take them to the ‘best’ museums in the world but unless you interact with them- talk to them about what they are seeing, engage with them, then as an experience that’s not as valuable.

Finally even with hobbies. You can buy the best musical instrument, or hire the best teacher but if you don’t practice with your child, push them through the day when things aren’t going right, sacrifice your time for their hobby then they are less likely to succeed. There is a reason top sportspeople thank their parents. It’s not just because they threw money at their children (and money is v v v important) but because of their time commitment and sacrifices.

NOW, none of this applies to a 12 week old. They don’t want or need designer clothes. They need affection and engagement and comfort. But the OP seems to have assumed that the sign of a good parent is buying what is monetarily of the highest value and I am trying to outline why that’s not necessarily what’s best for the child in the long run.