Fed up of Judgy comments to DS

[Fattyandconfused]

DS is 12 weeks.

DP has always been obsessed with clothes. Looking smart, designer gear… the lot.

so when I got pregnant I knew we’d have a very well dressed little boy. He has a lot of high end clothes

but for some reason my friends ALWAYS have something to say about it.

always the “you have more money than sense” or “he’s a baby you are ridiculous” or “oh god” followed by eye rolls or bringing other people over “LOOK WHAT DS NAME IS WEARING NOW”

Most of the stuff is from outlets, so end up being a similar price to next baby clothes. But I cant be arsed to tell people that. People also don’t realise that DS wears clothes from charity shops, hand me downs etc. I feel like if I started justifying it by saying “oh well it only cost xxx and his trousers are charity shop” it makes me seem like I’m embarrassed. Im really not.

who wouldn’t want their DC to have the best of everything?

we aren’t in debt and it’s something DP loves to spend money on. People waste money on drink/drugs…

i dont really care what they think, but just get bored of these stupid comments. WHO CARES?
id love to know some responses that basically shuts it all down without me sounding like I’m getting aggravated by it.

For someone who's not bothered you sound really bothered.

@tomatopsste so long as you make sense to yourself

It’s not about that. It’s about people’s absolute inability to mind their own business

Except we all look for people who share our values - we’ve all met designers mums, who are generally shallow, we’ve met pushy mums who think their little darlings are the brightest in class, we can spot a CF mother a mile away - and the designer baby mothers, often think they’re better than everyone else - OPs statement that ‘my child has the best’ suggests other babies are therefore neglected and worth’less’ that her baby. So by definition she’s put herself above her friends.

We’ve all met them.

It’s hard to even know where to start, there are so many problems with the post and the comments on this thread!

1. designer clothes in of themselves aren’t necessarily tasteless or tacky - it depends utterly on the style. I love RL and I think they do lots of very sweet little bits. On the other hand they do lots of gaudy and flashy crap. Depends what you’re buying!

2. it’s no one’s business how you dress your child and the “more money than sense” comments are rude and unacceptable

3. it doesn’t sound like you can actually afford to buy these clothes though, and it doesn’t make sense buying them because “they are the best” but then buying sweatshop clothes from primark. I don’t get it.

4. I like designer clothes and I buy them, but in no way do I think they are “better” or “the best” etc. it’s very bizarre to place such a high value on them.

@Threetulips OP became defensive & moved into ‘the best’ etc. Badly worded & everyone has ran with it but the real crux of it was that her friends are being snide & passive aggressive.

Of course designer clothes don’t make you any better than anyone else but nor do they automatically make you shallow or anything else she’s accused of being.

I personally don’t feel triggered by anyone saying they are giving their child the best. It’s all relative & what they think is best may differ from what I do but ultimately none of it is my business.

Maybe that’s just because I am quite satisfied with my own life though & have healthy self esteem.

@Daydreamsinsantafe

i really agree with your posts. There are a lot of very unpleasant and odd comments on this thread.

you only need four words to end the conversation my choice his clothes simple i think people see designer clothes on babies as money spent beyond normal as they grow out of sizes so quickly when mine were little i gave away clothes they never even got to wear they had that many bought for them in the first three months and friends with babies slightly older gave me loads of new and nearly new clothes mind you in the 70s and 80s designer clothes wernt a thing for babies anyway

Just seems a bit silly. Babies like comfy baby gros. A nice soft baby gro and a clean dry nappy is 'the best of everything' as far as babies and what they are dressed in are concerned.

@Replacethis

designers also make babygrows.

OP I think you're being giving a hard time on this thread. So what if you want to dress them in designer gear?

In response to negative comments from your "friends" just blatantly ignore. I mean who passes comments on a baby's clothes. Sad fuckers.

Enjoy dressing him up, they'll come a time when you won't have a choice on what they wear! He might want to wear a scruffy Spider-Man outfit for the next 3 years.

So if you do get derogatory comments just say " yeah I know, I' enjoying dressing him up while I can, if he's anything like his dad/me I'm not going to have much of a say in a few years time" followed by tinkly laugh!

Fuck 'Em!

OP I'm not sure why you need advice how to handle comments from friends when you handled MN well enough?

I don't have a strong opinion on babies in designer tbh. Big flashy logos can be a bit tacky but from what you describe a Ralph Lauren top isn't exactly in your face, admittedly I rarely see people wearing it anymore round my way (Well the typical horse logo anyway)

Just reply "oh I just really like their stuff"

I mean who passes comments on a baby's clothes. Sad fuckers

I want my child to have the best of everything. Best clothes. Best hobbies. Best life. No exceptions

Clearly the OP does pass judgment on baby clothes -

A 12 week old budding fashionista?

@Herewegoagainffs its unsettling isn’t it. This is likely the “be kind” bunch too.

If you don't want other people to notice what he's wearing don't parade him round in branded clothes. You want people to notice otherwise you wouldn't bother, don't moan when they do.

I have been thinking a lot about how I personally reacted to this.

I read OP saying she wanted her child to have the best and if I am honest I scoffed and wanted to point out designer clothes don’t make a tiny baby (or indeed anyone) better.

but I was unkind in how I expressed this. It is of course up to every parent how they spend their money and how they dress their child. We all have different priorities and different values.

OP I am not sure if your friends are reacting to the clothes or your views. But at the end of the day you aren’t dressing your child for them.

If you want to stay friends just laugh each time and say ‘I like how I dress him’. You don’t need to explain, you don’t need to elaborate.

I always think its a bit silly paying other people to wear their name on your clothes.

babies grow so fast too its hardly worth it?

Here’s some advice. When people comment, ask nicely what the problem is, (sweetly and with head tilt).

*I always think its a bit silly paying other people to wear their name on your clothes.

babies grow so fast too its hardly worth it?*

utterly subjective

Dress him in what you like. I wouldn’t judge that.
I do judge you for phrases like well dressed and wanting him to have the best.
Expensive clothes aren’t incompatible with that, but they aren’t signifiers of it either - and it makes you sound silly.
That might be what people are judging - the values they see you ascribe to the brands.

Have we found out what the best hobbies are yet?

What I find both hilarious and sad in this thread is that apparently the wealthy should be our ultimate barometer of taste and aspiration. So many posters airily declaring that the OP is wrong because 'people who really do have money don't wear designer clothes'. Who cares what they do?!

The ones the children will enjoy the most? OP has clarified that she doesn’t dress her child in designer gear for appearance sake but because it brings her partner pleasure

so I am sure the best hobbies is the one which will bring her child the most pleasure.

I don't think it IS utterly subjective that babies grow so fast.

I think that's been fairly well established.

I do think it’s a bit of a shame that you are bringing your child up to be obsessed with labels, and I do hope that your partner isn’t going to be so worried about your DS looking smart that he won’t allow him to play and get dirty.