Fed up of Judgy comments to DS

[Fattyandconfused]

DS is 12 weeks.

DP has always been obsessed with clothes. Looking smart, designer gear… the lot.

so when I got pregnant I knew we’d have a very well dressed little boy. He has a lot of high end clothes

but for some reason my friends ALWAYS have something to say about it.

always the “you have more money than sense” or “he’s a baby you are ridiculous” or “oh god” followed by eye rolls or bringing other people over “LOOK WHAT DS NAME IS WEARING NOW”

Most of the stuff is from outlets, so end up being a similar price to next baby clothes. But I cant be arsed to tell people that. People also don’t realise that DS wears clothes from charity shops, hand me downs etc. I feel like if I started justifying it by saying “oh well it only cost xxx and his trousers are charity shop” it makes me seem like I’m embarrassed. Im really not.

who wouldn’t want their DC to have the best of everything?

we aren’t in debt and it’s something DP loves to spend money on. People waste money on drink/drugs…

i dont really care what they think, but just get bored of these stupid comments. WHO CARES?
id love to know some responses that basically shuts it all down without me sounding like I’m getting aggravated by it.

Till OUR kids are teens i should say as I'm sure I've been guilty of being a twat to other mums too.

• calm the fuck down again* Brain not working today sorry.

who wouldn’t want their DC to have the best of everything?

That doesn't mean designer clothing even from outlets. It means that they look lovely, are dressed comfortably, warm enough/cool enough depending on the weather.

Whilst I agree that people should spend their money as they choose, I do understand their 'more money than sense' comments and can see that it could come across as a bit show-offy and vulgar.

You have shit friends. Stop hanging out with losers.

in my circles, judgement of this mum would not be jealousy. It would be snobbery.

While I hate the term - a slavish obsession with visible labels is seen as very down market. There would be a lot of eye rolling and an assumption the child lived in a house with grey crushed velvet sofas and no books.

‘Shit friends’ because of a throwaway comment about baby clothing? Are your boundaries of acceptable behaviour that narrow? Surprised anyone meets your exacting standards

How has this become a debate about whether expensive/designer clothing for babies & children are acceptable? It’s not about that. It’s about people’s absolute inability to mind their own business.
I have lots of opinions. I’m making judgments about the choices of others all the time, as I’m so entitled, but I keep them to myself.

Its simply not normal to go around telling everyone what you think about any given topic. That’s what small children do because they are socially inept.

Can you take as well as you give? If you spout off about your dislike for labelled clothing could OP tell you your hairstyle is shit or that your house has a slight dog smell about it?
I know people with big mouths & they tend to have very thin skin.

I have a friend who does this with her DDs. To be honest, it's hilarious. Massive great big headbands, clothes entirely unsuitable to play, absolutely immaculate at all times, and now they are in primary and nursery, just utterly impractical, especially as she insists they match every day (except uniform) and all accessories and shoes have to match. Would never dream of commenting, except she is up to her eyeballs in debt, constantly worried about money, living well beyond her means with the massive white 4x4 and mortgaged to the hilt. Even then I've only gently suggested Vinted and been met with horror. Not for her PBs! If you can afford it, and don't care that stuff will get destroyed or outgrown and not fit for resale, fair enough.

Not understanding the equation 'Best clothes = most expensive'. Good quality yes, practical, comfortable and suitable for the activity.

I genuinely don't see the point of buying expensive clothes for rapidly growing children, I'd rather buy them a great watch/expensive jewellery to mark a major birthday when they are young adults. Your money, your choice.

FWIW, my children receive a lot of compliments for their lovely outfits, all supermarket own brand or next etc. In my experience genuinely wealthy people don't feel the need to show off by wearing designer outfits on a daily basis.

Oh dear I have a disabled son and get judgmental comments ALL the time. Somebody commenting that you're putting expensive clothes on a child that has no respect or appreciation for them as he's too young and will grow out of them in weeks is just observations tbh

Just tell them it's none of their business

Wow that is next level bitchiness. Some people really are revolting.

I don't feel my kids have to have the best - far from it

Maybe they're hoping you'll pass it on to them in the future? But most likely if they are your friends they it is meant in a good humoured way as in "he has a better wardrobe than me!" I doubt your friends are judging you to be mean. If it genuinely upsets you then maybe say something like 'you keep saying these things & it hurts my feelings' I would never intentionally hurt any of my friends & when you have a new baby things can seem bigger than they are. I wish you all the best with your baby son.

I appreciate you've had a lot of comments, so this will probably get lost. But I do wonder if the comments arise more from the type of outfits your baby is wearing, rather than the labels etc. Most 12 week old babies are wearing vests and sleepsuits, or at least soft cotton stretchy outfits. Sometimes when I see very young babies wearing things that make them look 'dressed up', I just think they look uncomfortable and like it can be a bit overkill. And just for the parents' sake really, if I'm honest. Babies are much more comfortable in stretchy clothes that encourage movement. Not stiff jeans or trousers, or restrictive dresses with layers etc. If you change your baby's outfit more often than usual perhaps too? So they look like they're in a series of insta moment snapshots? I'm just wondering what prompts so many comments.

However, back to your original question. I think my approach would be to just laugh along and not let it get to me. You admit your DP is very much into all this, and that it might be a bit unusual. So just joke along as if you enjoy the gentle teasing. Then it will become second nature. The comments will simmer down eventually.

And finally, you sound quite feisty.... Use it to your advantage!

Right now he is like a little doll. I think it's quite common to enjoy dressing a little baby up in things that look pretty - it gives you joy and pleasure to see. If you're buying things second hand and selling them on, I can see that you wouldn't find it too expensive or wasteful, and there's no harm it. I'm sure most of us have splurged a little on some irresistibly cute outfit for our pfb.

I'd just say - oh, it's second hand. Or - I got it in the sale, or something, to tone down the comments.

As he grows a little bigger though and starts

I feel like we are all so caught up in image these days and what other people think and possessing the ‘best’ of everything, no wonder we are all so miserable and facing a huge anxiety/depression pandemic . As above babies need to be in comfortable clothes to allow them to move and stretch and explore. Not everything has to look like an Instagram moment. The world has gone mad.

All these people who know wealthy people and know that they don’t wear designer.
One can only assume designer houses are kept afloat by the poverty stricken then.

The rich aren’t a monolith. There are many ways to acquire wealth & those from different backgrounds will spend differently.

As an aside, I’ve seen many crushed velvet sofas in houses worth millions. If they are the benchmark for skint then you’d be mistaken.

Not your poverty stricken people, but for people who know the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

Oops posted too soon.

As he gets bigger, I would make sure you're dressing him in things that are comfortable and practical for running around, and that aren't going to restrict his activities. Crawling and toddling kids get covered in all kinds of dirt, paint, food and you want to enjoy his explorations with him and not be fretting about spoiling his clothes.

How are second hand, probably knock off, designer clothes the “best” for a baby? Make it make sense

@tomatopsste who are my poverty stricken people? Honestly 😆

Designer/logo'd clothing on little babies generally doesn't look very nice. It screams of someone who's grew up in poverty aspiring to an image of being "better" but not having the understanding that it actually really looks awful. It's mostly impractical and uncomfortable, and parents who care more about a certain insta image than their babies comfort or development.

I work on a very deprived council estate and most of the parents I work with would aspire to stick something designer on their babies whilst having no understanding of what babies really need, but they'll sit in CP meetings screaming and swearing about how they always do the 'best' for their child cos its got a knock off designer sportswear on or a giant bow on it's head. Generalisation obviously but there's a lot of truth in it.
Maybe your friends are commenting because they're concerned your focus shouldn't be on designer clothing with a new baby.

It's just a phrase "it's not your poverty stricken people", it's ..... whoever!

Not when covered in carrot stains. How on earth will you cope when he starts nursery and play group and discovers messy play?