Fed up of Judgy comments to DS

[Fattyandconfused]

DS is 12 weeks.

DP has always been obsessed with clothes. Looking smart, designer gear… the lot.

so when I got pregnant I knew we’d have a very well dressed little boy. He has a lot of high end clothes

but for some reason my friends ALWAYS have something to say about it.

always the “you have more money than sense” or “he’s a baby you are ridiculous” or “oh god” followed by eye rolls or bringing other people over “LOOK WHAT DS NAME IS WEARING NOW”

Most of the stuff is from outlets, so end up being a similar price to next baby clothes. But I cant be arsed to tell people that. People also don’t realise that DS wears clothes from charity shops, hand me downs etc. I feel like if I started justifying it by saying “oh well it only cost xxx and his trousers are charity shop” it makes me seem like I’m embarrassed. Im really not.

who wouldn’t want their DC to have the best of everything?

we aren’t in debt and it’s something DP loves to spend money on. People waste money on drink/drugs…

i dont really care what they think, but just get bored of these stupid comments. WHO CARES?
id love to know some responses that basically shuts it all down without me sounding like I’m getting aggravated by it.

I think designer clothes are for the benefit of the adults, because kids don't have a clue what they're wearing. So it just makes the adults look a bit like they're concerned about the wrong things and a lil chavvy.

But I'd just say 'I'm teaching him that designer clothes mean that he is 'the best', and people that don't wear designer clothes, or buy their kids designer clothes are 'lesser' than him and us". And then I'd say 'Now shoo, you Primark wearing peasant!'

@SherbetDips a quick Google of gant baby brought up a £12 tshirt. It’s hardly high end as the OP expressed. You couldn’t get a 3 pack of babygrows for £12 in next and most outfits are probably more too.

The only time I notice baby clothes is when they’re just that: clothes, and some poor 12-week-old who should be comfy in a babygro/sleepsuit/vest is in jeans and baby trainers and a jacket, or one of those godawful hair bows.

But I wouldn’t comment on it because commentary on your baby is one of the most eternally boring parts of parenthood and for all my “that poor baby in jeans” there’ll be someone looking at mine thinking “that poor baby in a sling”.

Your friends are kind of right, total waste of money on a baby but hey….it’s your choice. Personally I would save your cash for when he’s a teenager and wants £200 trainers.

@CallOnMe I don't wear designer clothes, except occasionally by accident because I don't actually buy any new clothes for myself and my children, for environmental reasons.

I guess people buy designer clothes because they like the look? I don't know, I don't spend long thinking about what other people wear. I do really hate snobbery and the way that try-hard middle class social climbers think that sneering at designer clothes makes them superior and more educated, whereas actually all it does is reveal how ignorant and small-minded they are (it's also so boringly conformist - all the middle-class mummies coming on to say 'but why aren't you buying Boden with that money?!' are such sheep).

I also think that 'chav' is hate speech and should be treated as such, and like all hate speech it reflects poorly on the speaker not the target.

My aunt did this with my cousin. He learned no value of money. Blew 10k on designer clothes at 18. Riddled himself with debt that his parents bailed him out of all the time. And had the attitude that the world owed him and he deserved the best of everything to be handed to him.

Wearing Ralph Lauren polos isn't providing the BEST.
Organic cotton, ethically sourced, and a fair price paid would be better.

Not mass produced overpriced clothes from questionable labour sources

Just saying.

Just reading through this and it's very contradictory

There's been a LOT of backpedaling since the original posts. Given that the baby also wears Morrisons and Primark (apparently) the answer to the question in the OP is, when you're going to be seeing the people who make fun of your designer labels, put the baby in his Primark stuff.

And it's about ride by implying that putting your baby in designer clothes somehow makes you live your kid more than the kid in the second hand Asda all in one

So funny how you asked for help with people being judgmental and got a load of judgemental comments back. Mumsnet at times aye 🤣.

I have a friend who sounds like you actually. Husband is massively into fashion and got the wife into it too. It’s more him than her if that’s relevant but he / they buy the baby clothes that me and others find really hard to get our heads round - Moncler etc. We’re talking thousands of pounds.

I don’t think my friend finds us irritating because she just laughs and says it’s him (husband). Tbf the baby is 2 now and it doesn’t get mentioned any more.

I think the comments from other people is coming from their lack of understanding and I get that tbh because I feel it too - you could actually go on holiday for that price or you could start a savings scheme for when he starts driving or uni. By the way that’s not me questioning you that’s just me telling you what goes through my head. Anyway at the same time of thinking all that I get the ‘it’s none of your business’ thoughts and ‘we al have different ideas and priorities’ and that’s what makes the world go round. Couldn’t give a rats arse what another family want to spend their money on. They’re not hurting anyone.

Could you not be honest and just saying I really don’t want to keep discussing DS’s clothes? Also remember that these comments say more about them than you for whatever reason so it’s not really for you to take on board if that makes sense.

"If I can’t afford to buy something twice, I don’t ever buy it."

Strange outlook.

I'd rather buy my lad a decent pair of shoes for £50, even though I couldn't afford £100. Rather than buy some crappy pair from Cheap Shoe Shop for £25....

Up to you OP but be prepared to accept that different people think different things, especially about parenting styles and won’t be afraid to make their opinions known!
’The Best’ to you isn’t ‘The Best’ to someone else.

I want my child to have the best of everything. Best clothes. Best hobbies. Best life. No exceptions.

You sound insufferable (and dare I say, a bit chavvy)

OP it’s very very weird that anyone should care what your baby wears.
Passive aggressive comments about a baby’s wardrobe are pathetic & spiteful.
“don’t worry about it” followed by a little laugh is your best response. It implies they are a bit unhinged which they are.
Personally I say absolutely nothing & just keep a neutral expression which is brilliant for making people very uncomfortable but that’s because I’m genuinely not bothered. If you are you may wobble!

Those who consider designer wear chavvy are ill informed. The most expensive childrenswear, Bonpoint, Loro Piana etc is unbranded & discreet. If you can’t/don’t want to buy it don’t but having such strong views about those who do is projection at it’s finest.

I don’t wear designer clothes and find the idea of a baby in designer clothes slightly ludicrous but it’s your choice. It will get more expensive as he gets older so it’s worth reviewing how important it is. A friend of a friend went insane at her child’s nursery for ‘getting his coat dirty’. He was two and she sent him in in a Canada goose coat! Honestly people who spend that much on childrens clothes have more money than sense.

I think it's unfair if OP to imply she's providing a better life for her child than those who put their kids in Tesco clothes....

If your adversarial attitude is anything like your comments here, with your friends, I think it's more to do with disliking you and your superficial outlook on life.

surely it's not only your DH who buys baby clothes? You obviously buy them too. Hats off to you for having the time and energy to seek out designer coordinated clothes for a 12 week old.

My babies wore proper designer clothes. Spanish and French. not Ralph, Burberry etc. Luckily they didn’t have labels on the outside. Like you, though, I bought second hand and in sales. Seasonal sales etc and resold it all afterwards on Vinted and eBay to buy the next lot. It made me very happy.

just have some stock phrases “it’s funny you care so much about what he looks like”

“stop making such a fuss, it’s got old now”

“what can I say, I love to shop!”

“I’m enjoying it now before he gets into chosing his own”

OP if it is how you like to spend your money, it is hurting no one. It’s honestly jealousy. If they had the same, they wouldn’t comment.

posted too soon

it really doesn’t last long. My youngest is 5 and already had a strong opinion, and second hand/supermarket is absolutely what suits her lifestyle and choices for comfort.

The best response about the clothes is "Dp and I like them". That will do, it's obviously a luxury, it's obviously adult driven, it won't benefit or harm your child in the long run that they wore those clothes as a baby but all of the justification is a bit much and sounds judgemental of your friends, like if you didn't smoke/ drink so much/ use drugs then you would be able to do the same. In reality most people don't want to.

I mean do what you like with your own kid, but I wouldn't be using "We don't smoke" (not many do now), "We give to charity" to justify it.
It sounds defensive and not self aware.

I don't think the aid work, donations etc do really make someone appreciate what they have if they've personally never gone without anything, waited for something or had lesser versions of things.
There's just no such thing as gratitude by proxy, the idea of being without is an abstract concept to someone who's always had 'the best'.
It's like those parents who give their children everything and then think they can also purchase them some humility by sponsoring a child or something, so their child will get the literature about children badly off. It just doesn't work like that.

I get the privilege of meeting many people of different backgrounds and wealth. What's funny to me is usually the people who are well off or actually rich dont wear designer clothing and especially not labels, but those with smaller income or sometimes even those with hardly any money do.
I once knew someone who worked for a few designer brands and was very well paid but she herself didn't wear a single designer item. Imo labels are for people who don't have lots of money to show off a bit, that's not a criticism op but I feel that's the point of them. Most clothes look much nicer without logos.
Anyway if they are your friends I assume you can talk openly with them so just be honest and say it bothers you.

Yes you were very unkind. You pulled out one line and tried to frame it as the premise of the thread. There no need. We are talking babies and clothes. She’s allowed to dress her baby in a way she feels is best and you’re allowed to think dressing a baby well is not what’s “best” but for gods sake no need to kick another mum doing her best for her baby because you have differing values.

It's childish to call something jealousy when someone comments negatively on what someone else thinks is good. If they had the same money I'm pretty certain most people still wouldn't do this.
My child's Dad used to buy my child designer baby clothes, I found them embarrassing it was an extension of his own vanity. The clothes were no better than any I bought I remember avoiding using them. I've zoomed in and cropped a few of he's baby photos to crop the chavvy RL horse out.
I used to nanny for some quite wealthy people and none of them had designer baby or childrens clothes.

I find it tacky wearing big labels - it just screams I have no money so let me wear the biggest branding. People who have proper money are not concerned and more likely discreet about this. I think giving your DC the best clothing is making sure its good quality, practical and comfortable. I personally think it's ridiculous and the opposite of smart to dress a tiny baby in brands when they outgrow it and more likely to stain easier. And Polo and LR are very outdated brands in any case. Op you are not displaying sense, more a need to prove something to people. In any case it's your baby, do as you wish.