Apologies, this may be long!
My Dad has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. I am 55 now, he is 82.
He was high functioning when he was working, as in he managed to get up early and hold down a job, however, mine and my brothers home life was a car wreck, as he drank to excess almost daily and was extremely angry and shouty all of the time. Several threats of violence against us and our Mum, that were never carried through, but doors, ornaments, glasses etc, would bear the brunt instead, often getting smashed up or thrown across rooms. This was my childhood as I remember it.
Family parties almost always ended up in one drunken disaster or another, and he completely ruined my engagement party by getting hammered and screaming in front of guests. This carried on through our childhood and in to our adulthood - most family get togethers have ended up the same shit show over the years.
He definitely has a good side - can be funny when sober and is very generous, and I know he does love his 3 children. He has had some awful trauma in life, which may explain his behaviour. I don't know.
Anyway, for the past 20 or so years, he has been retired, and whilst he has mellowed a lot, the drinking has escalated, I guess because there is no job to hold down. As the years have gone on, the angry arguments at family events has been replaced with drinking so excessively that he falls asleep at about 9pm and misses the whole evening. It doesn't matter where you are - he will just slump asleep in a restaurant or bar - anywhere. Which is embarrassing, as he looks as if he has died at the table.
Or, if we are at a house, he will say he's going for a nap at 8pm, and then he will reappear at midnight when most people are going to bed. He will then sit alone and drink until 4am.
It was evident in recent years, that the time on the clock means nothing. He could start drinking at 2pm, fall asleep for a nap, wake up at 7pm for dinner, nap again until 10pm, then start drinking again and carry on drinking until 4am. My Mum seemed to join him in this cycle, but she was not drinking as much as him. In latter years if I stayed with them, they would often nap after dinner, start drinking at 11pm, still be drinking at 5am, and then the drunken arguments would start (which I was meant to referee).
Mum died 5 years ago, and it became obvious that Dad didn't know how to run his own life without her. She did everything. He didn't know who the cars were insured with, who the house was insured with, where the savings were, how to pay any bills - he had been living like a child without any responsibility whatsoever for a few decades it would seem.
This meant that the whole of Dad's life fell in to mine and my brothers hands to manage. He literally exists and drinks, whilst we facilitate his life. This could be anything from insuring his house & car, to ordering a food shop weekly, to arranging his cleaner, managing his bank account, basically everything it takes to care for one whole other person.
He seems to forget that me and my brother work full time, and calls us both, up to 5 times a day for a video chat. The conversation will often start with him asking "How are you?" as if we haven't spoken for a week, when in reality it is probably an hour since we spoke.
In recent weeks, he started behaving strangely, and long story short was admitted to hospital with an array of very serious things wrong with him. I honestly thought it was the end.
After many weeks however, he has been sent home. My brother and I have had to make several adjustments at his house to facilitate him coming home, such as new furniture, zimmer frames, various other equipment & he has carers coming in to help.
He has now had an epiphany, that after 50 years on the bottle, he is going to quit - and he grows stronger by the day.
I know I should be elated, and mostly I am, but I also feel.....so very, very tired, as it feels as though the merry-go-round is starting up again.
Anyone else experienced anything remotely similar?