Is DHs work expecting too much?

[FluffingMarvellous]

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable, or DH's work is, or DH....

So he worked his standard 5 day week. Is due to stay away from home anyway next Mon-Tues. Yesterday, they announce with no notice they also want him working the whole of this weekend too - not optional.

He had commitments for this weekend; our DCs have an award ceremony that is important to them and DH is a key role in it. And it's also going to mean he's worked a 7 day week.

He hasn't challenged it at all, just said yes.

Who is being unreasonable here?

what does your dh,think?

And what level of seniority and pay is he on? Pretty fundamental detail

He's a yes man. Never challenges or says no to anything. He feels bad about letting the DCs (and many other people at the award ceremony) down but just sees it as unfortunate.

He is an absolute workaholic and definitely puts work before most things.

I would find your DH not attempting to challenge this and as a result let your DC and their activity down hard to accept....

Clearly depends on the details though.

If he's head of IT and there's a major outage, or head of a bank and there's been a cyber attack, that's not unreasonable.

If he's a cleaner, and he needs to go in and sort the bins out because someone forgot to empty them, then that might not be unreasonable either, if it's a health hazard.

There are thousands of reasons why he might have to work at the weekend - some would justify persuasion with a generous overtime rate, some are just part of the job at a certain level.

He's mid-high senior. Good pay....not good enough for the amount of work he does to be honest.

But surely even at senior level, people shouldn't be working 7 day weeks with no notice and expected to just wipe out existing commitments at the drop of a hat. What if it had been a DCs birthday? Would it be OK to just work instead because work said to. Surely that's the point of having days / hours so you can actually make some sort of plans with the remnants of your life which aren't the property of work?

He gives every inch of himself, 24/7 on the 5 days a week he works and is largely on call (email, messages etc) on weekends etc too but this just seems too much.

It's not an emergency situation in any way. Someone more senior has decided they're coming to visit so DH has been summoned to drop everything and attend meetings / events etc with him across the weekend.

Absolutely no overtime, time off in lieu etc either by the way. Like I say, he's on a good salary and I realise being senior comes with some degree of responsibility but this just seems wrong....work/life balance seems utterly out the window when a company can have us over a barrel like this and it impacts the children too.

It's a DH problem because he is willing and happy to do it regardless of the impact on his kids, wife or wider life.

Out of interest, do you work?

Without knowing what sort of company its hard to comment. Context is all important.

I’m not going to be much help but I think both are being unreasonable. Your DH work are clearly taking advantage of him expecting him to work the weekend and a 7 day week total. Your DH is being unreasonable not challenging this and putting work before DC award ceremony.
Does this happen often? Or is it a one off

Well yes it's annoying but if your DH's senior-ish job allows you to be a SAHM, have a nice house and lifestyle then I'm not sure you can complain unduly.

You could of course have married a man who worked 8 till 3, Monday to Friday, minimum wage but gets to finish on the dot, no responsibility and no work taken home.

I know I sound arsey but them's the breaks.

You DH is the one at fault for not considering all the demands on his time this weekend and coming up with a plan.

How long is the awards ceremony?
You have stated work was not some emergency situation like an IT outage so he can surely work round it.

So If this was my DH I would have expected him to agree to work part of the weekend but not the couple of hours or whatever for the awards ceremony is on.

Is he in the armed forces? It seems pretty normal if he is. It happens quite regularly in our household, time in lieu is also definitely not a thing!

I thought you were not allowed to work more than 9 days straight or 12 in a fortnight anyway.

No, under the statutory working time regulations you get at least 1 day off every 7 days (if you haven’t signed out of them, not working offshore etc. etc)

Also they haven’t given him him much notice.

(not a lawyer or HR person).

www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/1998/1833/contents/made

Do you work? What sort of job and how stable is it?
Your H should obviously have pushed back (not attended the whole weekend, returned home for the award ceremony) but flexibility is a must in some industries like sales, Investment banking.
Those jobs also pay very well though so if he’s the main breadwinner…

Not enough information

He should step out of work for the award ceremony.

He will actually get more respect at work for fulfilling his important family commitments than if he didn't.

Can you explain that to him? Who wants to work with someone who looks like he never has any life except his work life? He just needs to say he'll be unavailable Saturday afternoon or whatever. Work will be grateful for him coming in the rest of the time.

DH travels for work and that includes travelling/attending events on weekends, especially if he has to fly to the US. But that's not short notice so we know about it at least a couple of weeks in advance. And it can mean he is working 7 days in a row.

But - he does miss things. He attends meetings with 50-75 people, not always can this be moved around personal dates. He missed DD's birthday, his own birthday, assemblies etc.

If he only meets small groups they normally try to find dates which work for all and if anything is booked and paid for then he will veto trips.

Your problem is that your DH is not saying no, unless agreed and planned these things shouldn't happen. Emergencies are different maybe.

Not unusual for many large Corporates. I've even had to work Christmas eve (evening).

He probably prefers working to doing family stuff. Otherwise he wouldn’t always say yes.

It depends, DH has to sometimes due to time differences or something unexpected comes up. He’s started to draw the line at scheduling work during weekends or his days off (he used to be asked to join calls etc now saying if you want me on it my availability is….). Also made it clear he doesn’t want to travel after we had DC.

Tbh many jobs don’t have time in lieu or overtime etc but it is usually a reflection of seniority and pay. Unfortunately it seems to have become the norm for a lot of people its shit but he does have to assert himself to protect his time.The only place I ever had time in lieu was a stint in the public sector. He can just say to his bosses “I really can’t, my kid has an award ceremony”.

YANBU, companies need to stop pulling this shit and employees need to start saying no. If you are being paid mega bucks And are a CEO or head of service or something it comes with the territory but for everyone else its just a malignant way for corporations to basically have business being conducted 24/7 without having to pay in a way that reflects this.

Yes, this, ultimately. It's just another way of opting out of family life.

Divorce him, and have every other week-end free (joking - a bit)