Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that husband pulled me up

129 replies

Lemoncurd2 · 01/07/2022 10:31

So, my husband pulled me up last night as apparently we are not having enough sex. I had a coil fitted a while back and had really bad periods since. It has been about 2 weeks since the last time but I am so bloody tired by the evening and he goes out to do his hobbies so I am guessing he expects me to wait up. He is also very lazy around the house which I just don’t find attractive.

OP posts:
ComfyChairPose · 01/07/2022 14:33

Lemoncurd2 · 01/07/2022 10:40

He also said that men cheat because the person that they want is not available

Wow, lazy, sex pest threatening to cheat if you dont "give it up"
Eugh

HaveringWavering · 01/07/2022 14:35

I think it is time to make yourself permanently unavailable OP. Release him back into the wild and save him the bother of cheating.

Popcorn77 · 01/07/2022 14:36

HeadOnShoulders · 01/07/2022 12:08

And it's not about one partner being 'entitled' to sex, but about both partners having a duty towards one another to fulfil all their partner's needs.

Viewing it from an entitlement perspective is wrong. The question is what can each partner do for the other. The focus should be on obligations.

If the wife needs a drawer fixing it's the husband's duty to do it, and if the husband needs an ego massage it's the wife's duty to do it. That's what relationships are. You undertake to be there for the other partner. It's not that the wife is entitled to her husband's help, but that the husband is obligated to help.

I cant work out if this is sarcastic?
no one told my partner about his duty to the drawer - i can mend a drawer?

ReneBumsWombats · 01/07/2022 14:43

If the wife needs a drawer fixing it's the husband's duty to do it, and if the husband needs an ego massage it's the wife's duty to do it. That's what relationships are.

Your Tinder profile must be amazing. I can't decide whether I want to see it or not.

vodkaredbullgirl · 01/07/2022 14:44

Makes me glad I'm single.

Op you oh is a peach.

Meraas · 01/07/2022 14:49

HeadOnShoulders · 01/07/2022 12:08

And it's not about one partner being 'entitled' to sex, but about both partners having a duty towards one another to fulfil all their partner's needs.

Viewing it from an entitlement perspective is wrong. The question is what can each partner do for the other. The focus should be on obligations.

If the wife needs a drawer fixing it's the husband's duty to do it, and if the husband needs an ego massage it's the wife's duty to do it. That's what relationships are. You undertake to be there for the other partner. It's not that the wife is entitled to her husband's help, but that the husband is obligated to help.

Let's go with your outmoded logic then.

How many men these days can even fix a drawer?

The truth is men now expect women to call in a handyman to do the traditionally male roles (including working full time) yet still expect the woman to be a haufrau and freak in the bed.

I'm guessing your wife left you years ago and you're still bitter about it.

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/07/2022 14:50

Popcorn77 · 01/07/2022 11:48

Think its ok for him to raise the issue? Have a review of the relationship and a discussion on where you are both at - air any resentment and focus on being closer. You are a team. Its ok for him to say if something bothers him. Its silly of you to be cross about him and his hobbies and his lack of effort round house without mentioning.

Jesus... is this an awayday for Stepford Wives?

ReneBumsWombats · 01/07/2022 14:50

I'm guessing your wife left you years ago and you're still bitter about it.

She probably took all the drawers with her.

cheshirebloke · 01/07/2022 14:51

If the wife needs a drawer fixing it's the husband's duty to do it, and if the husband needs an ego massage it's the wife's duty to do it. That's what relationships are.

I dated a woman for a while who declared that she needed a man because 'putting out the bins and mowing the lawn are a man's job, so she didn't like doing it herself'. I called time on that one, despite her giving a great blow job. Now I see how wrong I was.

Meraas · 01/07/2022 14:53

ReneBumsWombats · 01/07/2022 14:50

I'm guessing your wife left you years ago and you're still bitter about it.

She probably took all the drawers with her.

Grin
vodkaredbullgirl · 01/07/2022 14:53

ReneBumsWombats · 01/07/2022 14:50

I'm guessing your wife left you years ago and you're still bitter about it.

She probably took all the drawers with her.

😂😂😂😂

RealBecca · 01/07/2022 15:04

He also said that men cheat because the person that they want is not available

Coerced sex is so hot.

AmaryIlis · 01/07/2022 15:14

Tell him he's failing you. He would be a hell of a lot more attractive if he pulled his weight around the house, and if he came home at a sensible hour. And that women cheat if the person they want isn't around at sensible times and is a lazy twat.

Choopi · 01/07/2022 15:22

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/07/2022 14:50

Jesus... is this an awayday for Stepford Wives?

Show quote history

I don't understand this reply? Why is it 'Stepford Wife' to talk about issues in your relationship? I'm not being smart, I actually want to know how you resolve issues in relationships without talking about them? I thought it was normal to say, husband, I feel like your hobbies are interfering with our family life too much and that means I have to fill the gaps by doing more than my fair share. Or wife, I've noticed recently that our sex life is flagging, is there an issue? And the wife says well I have had awful periods since I got the coil fitted etc etc?

I always tell dh that I'm not a mind reader, that if there is a problem rather than be a grump just tell me what it is that's wrong and we will talk about it. I also raise my issues with him. How else am I supposed to know if he is unhappy if he doesn't tell me? I had no idea that this isn't the done thing and that it makes me a 'Stepford Wife' Confused

Sparkletastic · 01/07/2022 15:27

You are being disingenuous. There's talking about issues and there's threatening to shag other women because wife hasn't put out for 2 weeks.

Eeksteek · 01/07/2022 15:27

I have not RTFT, but it’s worth pointing out that women are biologically programmed to not be attracted to people they parent not partner. If isn’t doing his share…..

crap reasoning. He’s setting you up for an affair that’s ‘your fault’ I reckon.

Lunarpsychobitch · 01/07/2022 15:33

What a tosser!
How dare he try to threaten you like that 😡

coldfeetwarming · 01/07/2022 15:37

HeadOnShoulders · 01/07/2022 12:08

And it's not about one partner being 'entitled' to sex, but about both partners having a duty towards one another to fulfil all their partner's needs.

Viewing it from an entitlement perspective is wrong. The question is what can each partner do for the other. The focus should be on obligations.

If the wife needs a drawer fixing it's the husband's duty to do it, and if the husband needs an ego massage it's the wife's duty to do it. That's what relationships are. You undertake to be there for the other partner. It's not that the wife is entitled to her husband's help, but that the husband is obligated to help.

Fuck me - 'duty'....if a drawer needs fixing it's a mans duty to fix it.....are you from downtown abbey or something??

What absolutely laughable, ridiculous and archaic language and ideas.

Trixiefirecracker · 01/07/2022 15:45

Is @HeadOnShoulders a man?

Trixiefirecracker · 01/07/2022 15:46

@Eeksteek really? Would love to see the research on that?

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 01/07/2022 15:47

My vagina would slam shut if anyone said that to me. Either that or it would grow teeth.

ReneBumsWombats · 01/07/2022 16:01

Trixiefirecracker · 01/07/2022 15:45

Is @HeadOnShoulders a man?

Barely.

Eeksteek · 01/07/2022 16:09

Trixiefirecracker · 01/07/2022 15:46

@Eeksteek really? Would love to see the research on that?

I can’t help, sorry. The clinical psychology lead at my previous work told me. I trust her expertise, but appreciate no one else has any reason too.

CallOnMe · 01/07/2022 16:57

It’s fine for either partner to discuss sex and if they think it’s too much or not enough but claiming men cheat because of it is a vile thing to say and a complete lie.

If he’s not happy and feels his only option is cheating then he needs to end the relationship.

CallOnMe · 01/07/2022 17:00

I have not RTFT, but it’s worth pointing out that women are biologically programmed to not be attracted to people they parent not partner. If isn’t doing his share…..

That would make sense.
If you’re parenting someone you’re going to start seeing them in a non sexual way and more of a family/child like way.

I’d also be pissed off that they’re not pulling their weight which would turn me off too.