To be annoyed that husband pulled me up

[Lemoncurd2]

So, my husband pulled me up last night as apparently we are not having enough sex. I had a coil fitted a while back and had really bad periods since. It has been about 2 weeks since the last time but I am so bloody tired by the evening and he goes out to do his hobbies so I am guessing he expects me to wait up. He is also very lazy around the house which I just don’t find attractive.

Hi, I need advice! I’m not one to ever talk about my business to family or friends.

So my husband and I have been together for 8 years and he’s a wonderful husband and father to our 2 year old and newborn. So most of our marriage he’s barely been working in warehouse or security to provide which is great but I’ve always pushed him to pursue in a career and get a secure job. I’m a fully qualified nurse with a masters so I’ve been motivating him for the past 8 years of our marriage.
However, he’s currently unemployed and I’m on Mat leave and really don’t want to go back to work as my hands are full with my children. He’s been obsessed with Crypto and taking loans out to put into Crypto to increase the money. He hasn’t worked in months and heavily relies on Crypto. We lost £30K completely a couple of weeks ago and he’s more eager to gain it back. He’s always telling me we’ll be fine and as long as he pays the bills, I shouldn’t be worried. We are struggling financially and my maternity is barely paying for anything at all. I don’t know what to do as he’s reality has become crytpto and nothing else. It seems he’s not interested to work or make a proper living. Am I over reacting? Can you really rely on crypto?

It seems like there's one of these threads every day.

You already know you're not unreasonable to be unhappy about his behaviour and attitude.

If you want to leave then leave. If you want to cling to the relationship because you believe he can change then stay.

I'm not trying to sound harsh but Start your own thread instead of derailing someone else's thread.

Well, at least he's good at talking dirty.

Nothing wrong with a sensitive conversation, however clumsily he put it.

But yeah this is Mumsnet so you'd better throw the bastard out because he's clearly a twat 🙄

I'd tell him that women divorce selfish arses who don't pull their weight.

Start a new thread and people will be happy to advise

I think a healthy sex life is important in any relationship and the ability to discuss it if someone is unhappy is crucial too.

However, I wouldn't take kindly to his passive agressive treat of having to seek it elsewhere if you don't sleep with him.

Have the conversation, tell him you aren't happy with your sex life either and that changes are needed on both sides.

Communicating with you that he wishes you were more intimate, and discussing ways this can be acheived (whilst acknowledging that since having the coil fitted you have heavy periods which make you feel like crap I imagine) is one thing and something a loving husband who loves you and respects you would do.

However, fucking off to his clubs every evening and demanding you to be up for it on his return, whilst he does nothing to help you around the house or even acknowledge how shit it is for you taking on the responsibility of contraception, which is creating havoc with your body is quite another.

And this He also said that men cheat because the person that they want is not available
Is a whole other level entirely.

What he is telling you is essentially that he feels entitled to have sex with you when he wants it, taking no consideration of your feelings. And if you don't do that, he will go out and cheat on you.

That is an outright threat, not to mention coercion and not the words of someone who is supposed to love and respect you, OP.

So you’re actually says you know more about what went on in the OP’s house than the OP, and you’re telling someone else that what actually happened what different to what the OP reported? Even though you weren’t even there and don’t know either the OP or her husband? Wow, this is a whole new level of mansplaining 🙄

Urgghhhh sounds like the entitled cunt I was married to. To make this worse, he said angles curse the wife who refuses sex with her husband (he was/is a religious nutter with no morals).

@headandshoulders , Bloddy hell what era did you emerge from..... ffs

I'm a bit disturbed by the @HeadOnShoulders notion that fixing things (if that's their best example) is the man's job, and making herself available is the woman's. I have no doubt whatsoever that OP's DH would have a different perspective on this. That's true of pretty much every AIBU. But OP clearly isn't in the best place physically to enjoy sex right now, so I don't understand why her DH is pushing for it. What kind of man does that?

He's a lazy sex pest who threatens infidelity if his wife doesn't put out.

I'm glad you're here on Mumsnet. Stick around, unroll your eyes and you might learn something.

You've got to this stage somehow.

How did it happen that he's become lazy around the house? I presume you didn't marry him that way. So does he know you believe he doesn't do his share of the housework?

When he took up his hobbies, did he say that he expected you to wait up for him so you could have sex when he got back? Was there a discussion about him going out in the evenings?

Does he know how tired you are, and why?

It sounds like you need to talk to each other.

The affair comment - that was a dick thing to say.

This. OP, you deserve better. I hope you put your foot down. Perhaps if your relationship were more equal, you'd be feeling sexier.

Either that or he’s already cheated on op

I'd tell him that women divorce selfish arses who don't pull their weight.
This!

Also, it’s concerning you use the phrase “pulled me up” as though he’s some authority over your or a line manager to give you feedback.

Hes so out of order I can’t even properly advise tbh. I’d feel like someone who thinks that’s a reasonable approach is beyond saving, and consider leaving right now. Does he genuinely think you’re his to use as he wishes?

Id be very clear that what you require is him pulling his weight, making sure you’re less tired and then putting some real effort in (in an attractive way, not a pressured or nagging way) to attracting you back to wanting to have sex with him.

My ex was a bit like this. Both in terms of the lack of sex criticisms and the not pulling his weight. And the not seeing the two as connected. The weird thing was, whenever we arranged a date night, or an opportunity to have sex at leisure without kids around etc, he didn’t want it/ would crash out/ not he interesting. It seemed like he only wanted it in a transactional/ on tap/ “this is my right” sort of way. Even almost as though he only wanted it if he knew I didn’t really…

Mysterious, how a tender, attentive and skillful lover like your DH finds his wife not desperate to have frequent evenings of joy and passion.
Surely, surely it's not the case that he's not brilliant in bed. Surely.

I made it this far down the thread. He's a cunt. Surely he can just knock one out, if he's that horny?

Tell him he doesn't need to cheat because he's a single man now and can fuck off and do as he pleases. What a gobshite.

That's fine, tell him to find someone else and you will too - eg someone who care about you as a person and not as an available hole. What a catch he isn't.

PS rare that AIBU is more or less unanimous, OP!

What a Prince you have there.

No wonder you aren't much interested in serving his sexual needs. What's he like when you do get round to it. Does he keep to turn about or is he more the fall asleep once he is done type?

My husband is shit at DIY. I fix all the drawers in this house. But I have sex with him anyway because he’s not an arsehole.