To be annoyed that husband pulled me up

[Lemoncurd2]

So, my husband pulled me up last night as apparently we are not having enough sex. I had a coil fitted a while back and had really bad periods since. It has been about 2 weeks since the last time but I am so bloody tired by the evening and he goes out to do his hobbies so I am guessing he expects me to wait up. He is also very lazy around the house which I just don’t find attractive.

Your DH sounds deeply selfish

It's very hard to fancy a man child

Can he not grow up and do his fair share around the house and not go out late at hobbies like a teenager? You're not a booty call you're his wife fgs and he's supposed to behave like an adult man. Eewwwww

Id go as far as to call that coercion. Which is now illegal. You might want to let him know.

The rest of the conversation aside, this sounds like a threat and a very good reason to leave the relationship.

Whilst I do think trying to keep sex life alive is important in a relationship, he sounds like he’s not giving you reason to want to have that with him - you’re tired because he’s not doing his share around the house and he’s coming home late expecting you to wait around to service him. Tell him that if he came home earlier, helped around the house and spent some valuable time with you, you might feel more up for it!

Are you the husband?

And woman leave their husbands (and take a sizable chunk of the marital assets) because he is a lazy entitled sex pest.

I would be telling him that you've also found a hobby, and it involves lots of very attractive single men. So you might not be available for a while yet...

Darling, I feel like The physical part of our relationship is being neglected and it’s making me unhappy. What can we do to try and rekindle the spark?

Wife, you aren’t letting me stick my dick in you enough. If you don’t start letting me stick my dick in you more often I’m going to stick it in someone else.

Think its ok for him to raise the issue? Have a review of the relationship and a discussion on where you are both at - air any resentment and focus on being closer. You are a team. Its ok for him to say if something bothers him. Its silly of you to be cross about him and his hobbies and his lack of effort round house without mentioning.

Indeed, hopefully the OP takes the majority of the advice on board and kicks his sorry arse to the kerb. There is no shortage of men in this world.

So you think 'working on the relationship' is just doing whatever her husband wants?

I wouldn’t be upset that he pulled me up on it but it may make me defensive at first. I would more likely be upset at how he’s communicated it, especially if trying to justify cheating.
I would have a conversation that addresses the issues;
you’re tired - could he help more around the house
your schedules don’t fit - could hobbies be rearranged
the way he speaks to you makes you feel disrespected which is impacting your affection towards him - could you go to counselling.
the fundamental is that sex should be happening when you both feel it - he is not entitled to it. But if you are on very different pages can you get back on the same one and if not is it a deal breaker for either of you.

id show hm the door if he mentioned cheating

Text book phrase chapter 1 of the narcissist.

And it's not about one partner being 'entitled' to sex, but about both partners having a duty towards one another to fulfil all their partner's needs.

Viewing it from an entitlement perspective is wrong. The question is what can each partner do for the other. The focus should be on obligations.

If the wife needs a drawer fixing it's the husband's duty to do it, and if the husband needs an ego massage it's the wife's duty to do it. That's what relationships are. You undertake to be there for the other partner. It's not that the wife is entitled to her husband's help, but that the husband is obligated to help.

Yes, of course. I'm sure the OP has thought it all through. You know, she is worn out and unwell due to gynaecological issues, but her lazy good-for-nothing husband gets petulant because he's not had any sex and threatens to go off and shag someone else instead if he can't get it at home.

I'm sure that's a relationship really worth saving. Not.

Do you have children OP? Is he doing his share of parenting?

How many nights a week does he devote to his hobbies, and what time does he come home?

From what you've said so far he sounds unreasonable, but a bit more context would help.

so If she fixes her own drawer does she still have to put out?? Jesus Christ mate, you do know this is 2022 yes? As pp have said if he had said "wife, I'm feeling like we're not as close any more and I am feeling rejected. How can we work on this?" absolutely fine, so long as "working on it" also involves him doing some housework and not fucking off to football til 10pm each night. What he ACTUALLY said is not fine in any way, shape or form.

of and no, partners do not have an obligation to fulfill all their partner's needs either. That's incredibly unhealthy and co-dependent.

ALL - so of my DH needs a prostate exam?!

You are talking rubbish and you sound extremely sexist

Some men cheat
some men are Dicks

I love it when (not all) men volunteer a task which is definitely theirs in marriage, and the time spent doing it averages out to less than 20 seconds / week

The things he has said and the way he has acted are not part of a healthy relationship. He’s a lazy, coercive, uncaring shit.

He ignores her health issues, spends time doing what he likes and then expects her to be waiting when he’s ready for sex, does nothing around the house but expects her to find him attractive and is then coercive and manipulative about it all to try to get his own way.

But this is ok with you as a way for him to ‘communicate his frustration?’ Nope. If you think this is ok, you don’t know what a healthy relationship is, so please stop trying to give advice to OP.

I just fixed a door, I am now confused about my sex life

@HeadOnShoulders , it’s not 195fucking5

Yuck. He's vile.