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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel so embarrassed about having no friends?

117 replies

Buttercup800 · 30/06/2022 22:07

I have no friends and haven’t had any since I was a teenager, I’m now in my late twenties. When I say no friends I really mean it, not a single person to talk to, I know some will find this hard to believe but I don’t have a single contact in my phone apart from the doctors surgery, council and hair salon.

I’m a nice person, friendly, would help out anyone, good listener but people don’t seem to want to be friends with me. I know it all sounds so pathetic because I’m an adult but I’m lonely.

I have signed up to friend apps but nobody messaged me and the people I sent messages to either ignored them or sent one word replies, I went to college but never made friends, I was friendly with the people in my class but they weren’t interested in being friends outside of college, I have looked at local groups I could maybe attend but unfortunately there is nothing in my area, I have volunteered to try and meet people but friendship never came from it.

The only time I get to speak to someone is if the employee at the shop tills engages in small talk or when I go and get my hair done and the hairdresser chats with me. I spend all my time alone , mostly stay indoors now as I have nowhere to go.

Does anyone else not have a single friend? How do people make friends in adulthood?

OP posts:
WhackingPhoenix · 30/06/2022 22:12

Oh love Flowers

Have you got anyone you chat to at work? It might you want to take up a sport?

If you’re in the south east, there’s always a kettle on here SmileBrew

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 30/06/2022 22:13

Do you do evening classes? I've always found that to be a great way to meet people . Also WI is an absolute hoot in my experience and they love new faces and it's easier to chat as the situation is structured so you're not just left to chat like at a party.

Namechangerr1 · 30/06/2022 22:13

Hello. No tips really I'm afraid. I tried friend apps once, got the same - one word replies or ignored. I've heard Meetup is good? I've not tried it.
I have one friend. But she's miles away and I see her maybe once a year. I'm in my mid 30's and feel very alone. I hardly have any family either. My Dad is the only living relative and we don't get on well.

I was fine in my own company up until the pandemic.. then I started feeling really lonely! It's not gone away.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/06/2022 22:15

I totally understand, op. I'm in the exact same position but I'm 49. I had loads of friends as a child and as a teen, friendly acquaintances at uni, but as a grown up I have none. My husband is genuinely my only friend, and I'm honestly fine with it. I can appreciate that you're lonely if you don't have a partner, and I'm so sorry you're feeling that way. Have you tried volunteering? You could help someone and hopefully meet some like-minded, friendly people. Making friends is very challenging when we become adults, in my experience anyway. I'm sorry I can't offer any useful advice.

Stupidpeoplesuck · 30/06/2022 22:17

Sending hugs OP, it can be really hard.

Is there a local Facebook page for a hobby you might be willing to try? Often people with similar interests are very willing to support and welcome you into their community. Maybe music or a sport?

Hallmark1234 · 30/06/2022 22:17

I'm sorry to hear you're in this situation. I have lost contact with all my friends from my past, but I am much, much older than you and am struggling to find new friends, after moving from the area where I grew up. I do have a husband, DC and sisters though, so not completely alone, but I would still like to find a friend.

Do you have a local ramblers walking group? Or Meet up groups not too far away?

Hopefully someone nearer your age will come along soon with other options

Best of luck xxx

Original poster
Buttercup800 · 30/06/2022 22:19

I don’t work due to my health but I have recently became a student at college, the people in my class were nice but all very popular and not looking for new friends outside of college.

Its just so hard, I have tried engaging with people and see if they fancy a walk, drink anything really but they always say they are busy.

feel like I have bit a brick wall and I’m just going to be without friends for the remainder of my life.

OP posts:
DandelionPocket · 30/06/2022 22:20

Oh I know how you feel.

I find it so hard to make friends but recently just being saying 'f* it, be brave'. I've met up with an old friend after getting back in touch and met up with a colleagues wife who I met once at a work social and follow on IG for a coffee. Small steps that I hope will bloom into friendships. This is after years of feeling like a failure.

I just think that so many people are lonely and in the same boat and imagine how good they feel when someone asks them out for a coffee?!

Be brave!!

Figmentofmyimagination · 30/06/2022 22:21

Do you like singing? A choir is a good way of meeting people.

TwoMonthsOff · 30/06/2022 22:22

Do you have any family locally….

Original poster
Buttercup800 · 30/06/2022 22:22

I don’t have FB as wouldn’t have anyone to add to it. Unfortunately I am also single and don’t have family.

i try and brake up the day with reading, watching Netflix, doing crafts, but it gets very repetitive and lonely after a while.

sorry to hear others are struggling with this also.

OP posts:
snowsea · 30/06/2022 22:22

You have no need to be embarrassed, OP. Many people don't have close friendships or any outside of immediate family. Some are perfectly content with that, but I'm not sure you are?

I'd pick a hobby- so exercise based weekly class, or a walking group (look at meet up) or join a running club. You could also join a book club, start online, or even one in the Mumsnet book section, if that's easier to ease you in. Or try voluntary work? Just a few suggestions anyway.

snowsea · 30/06/2022 22:24

I think a lot of people don't admit it in real life from the threads I've seen here (look those up).

Amei · 30/06/2022 22:25

Oh OP I bet you're lovely! But sometimes it's just hard to actually make friends, I don't have loads of friends but I'm more than happy with my friendship circle however if I didn't have the friends I did have I wouldn't even know where to start making friends.

Where in the world are you? And what age range are you?

Near where I live there's a lovely quiet promenade with a bench where people meet up at 11am every Saturday. I think the sign says something like 'if you fancy like a chat meet here at 11am every Saturday'.

Could you join some sort of club? Any hobbies? Xx

Fluffygreenslippers · 30/06/2022 22:25

Same OP and i’m in my 30s. I used to belong to a sports club and I suggested going for a drink or something but no one was interested even though they were friendly and chatty during class. I gave up after that. I have DH and some family members that I talk to but that’s it.

DameCelia · 30/06/2022 22:27

Is there a Wild Wanderers group near you? It's a women only group organising walks and outdoor activities. I know your health means you can't work atm but would you be able to meet up for walks?

Original poster
Buttercup800 · 30/06/2022 22:28

I have never heard of wild wanderers but I shall look it up now and see if there is one in my area.

OP posts:
Murphs1 · 30/06/2022 22:28

Friendships can be tricky especially as adults I think. What part of the country are you in @Buttercup800 ? Maybe there are other mumsnetters on here looking for new friends?

Original poster
Buttercup800 · 30/06/2022 22:31

I am in central Scotland.

OP posts:
misssunshine4040 · 30/06/2022 22:31

If you signed up to Facebook, do you think you could add or accept friend requests from old school friends? People who were in your classes etc, even if you weren't very close.

I often find that half the high school end up with everyone on it and most they never spoke much too but make an effort to connect in some way.

You could then join Facebook groups of things that interest you and speak to people that way.

If you are at college, try joining a social club or gym etc. The more you put yourself out there the more you will raise your chances of meeting like minded people.

It's so tough feeling lonely, I hope you are ok.
So many people face periods of loneliness in their lives please don't feel embarrassed.

JustSaying101 · 30/06/2022 22:31

I hear you, OP. How did you cope during lockdown and through the pandemic? You may wish to try some voluntary work if you can, it really is a great way to meet people from all walks of life. This could be remotely or in person. Hoping you can make some connections and build on your interests. Wishing you all the best 💐

Kendodd · 30/06/2022 22:32

Not flippant, and I serious suggestion, but I'd get a dog if I were you.

misssunshine4040 · 30/06/2022 22:33

Buttercup800 · 30/06/2022 22:31

I am in central Scotland.

I'm not that far from if you want to send me a private message

MistyBean · 30/06/2022 22:34

Are you a lot oldee then others on your college course? If so maybe a night class in something for fun (craft, languages etc) may help. What about societies, such as the ramblers, local wildlife trust volunteers, book club? Do you have good transport to allow you to travel to a nearby town if groups aren't run in your town? X

Original poster
Buttercup800 · 30/06/2022 22:34

I would absolutely love a dog, i have tried applying to a few rescues but am yet to be successful in adopting one unfortunately.

OP posts: