AIBU to feel so embarrassed about having no friends?

[Buttercup800]

I have no friends and haven’t had any since I was a teenager, I’m now in my late twenties. When I say no friends I really mean it, not a single person to talk to, I know some will find this hard to believe but I don’t have a single contact in my phone apart from the doctors surgery, council and hair salon.

I’m a nice person, friendly, would help out anyone, good listener but people don’t seem to want to be friends with me. I know it all sounds so pathetic because I’m an adult but I’m lonely.

I have signed up to friend apps but nobody messaged me and the people I sent messages to either ignored them or sent one word replies, I went to college but never made friends, I was friendly with the people in my class but they weren’t interested in being friends outside of college, I have looked at local groups I could maybe attend but unfortunately there is nothing in my area, I have volunteered to try and meet people but friendship never came from it.

The only time I get to speak to someone is if the employee at the shop tills engages in small talk or when I go and get my hair done and the hairdresser chats with me. I spend all my time alone , mostly stay indoors now as I have nowhere to go.

Does anyone else not have a single friend? How do people make friends in adulthood?

@Buttercup800 sorry you're feeling lonely but hope you can meet-up with others that live near you.

I went through a fairly friendless time when I lived abroad and then moved back to a brand new area of the UK. I don’t really have friends from when I was younger as my best friend died and I only speak to old friends now and again. I then became busy with family and school stuff.
However, I do have as many friends as I want now, but learned the following:
Its okay to not have loads of friends - I do best with one or two close friends and the rest are more like social contacts.
I made more friends when I wasn’t focusing on making friends. It was better to not have any expectations of becoming friends with people and just being ‘sociable’.
Things like singing groups, WI, NWR or even church, if you’re that way inclined, give you you uplifting sociable time and then friendships can grow from that.
Do things that interest you, not just things that you think will help you meet people.
Don’t compare yourself to others and remember that people can be late bloomers in life! A smile is the best thing you can wear.

Would you consider adopting a dog? They are great company and you would be surprised how many people you meet and chat to whilst out taking them walks.

@Buttercup800 I feel I could have written this post lovely. I'm sorry things have been so difficult. I too have struggled to make friends both due to moving so often and also being burnt in so many friendships. I also discovered that I'm neurodiverse and this has explained so much about my struggle to make friends aswell. As others have suggested, a pet would be great company. You're not alone as I know so many people on here feel similarly. PM If you ever want a chat 💌

Haven't read the full thread but perhaps you could consider joining a site such as
Borrow My Doggy? That way you'll have the companionship of dogs and in the process, at least meet new people (their owners). And whilst your walking the dogs, you may well meet other dog walkers and fall into conversation.

Is your health condition obvious? As someone with a chronic illness, I can say it is very hard to make new friends. All my friends are people that knew me "before".

Also, I haven't RTFT but do you live in London? I made exactly one friend (apart from OH) during the entire 10 years I lived there, and I never went to her house once (or she mine). I moved to a small city and new job in a very sociable company and had more friends than I could deal with. Thankfully over the years that's been whittled down to a manageable 10 or so that I consider to be very good friends.

I’m the same and am quite shy too. My other half, who is more confident, has made friends via dance groups like Lindy hop, volunteering with a food bank, church and music lessons, but as I say, he is very confident. We are both retired and when I was working I never realised how lonely it could be without a job.

I have no answers, but you are not alone!

I spotted this yesterday and wanted to reply. Joining groups, if you can, is a possible solution. You don't even need to be particularly sociable or extrovert, in my opinion.

I do two or three classes and another event (free) every week and I'm finding I'm politely avoiding invitations and group requests, only accepting minimally, as I don't have time currently. If you were wanting to make friends and expand on your social life it would be ideal.

Great suggestions but I don't agree with not bothering with people who have loads of friends. In my experience they're the ones who seem to have time to fit you in and then introduce you to others.

Can you advertise for a female lodger or move into a female house share?

Me too if either of you would like to get in touch 😀.

Has anyone mentioned Meetups? I live in the West Midlands and it does, or it at least used to have a group for people with social anxiety.
Meetups has been fabulous for me and I've moved to different cities and used meetups there and have some very good friends from it that I frequently see outside of it.

I know this is an old thread @Buttercup800 but if you are still looking for a rescue dog and having no luck ( I recently had a thread about control freaky rescues) there are various rehoming groups on FB (not run by rescues) where owners who need to rehome their pets look for new owners. Just put rehoming into your FB search and these groups should come up.

I know it's not the same as having face to face friends, but if you join Facebook there's lots of penpal groups you can join if you're interested in writing to people, lots of other groups you can join too, you don't need to have actual friends on Facebook to do this

Apps and evening classes and things are all a bit forced, I've always found them hard places to make friends.

What do you do for work? What kind environment are you employed it?

Most people's friendships come from regularly spending lots of time with the same people. Work is the key to this

Can you tell us more about your health? Maybe there's a meet up group related to your issues?

I always need to be doing something and the chat is bye the bye, such as crafting of some sort.
Coffee mornings or drinks and nibbles get togethers freeze my brain.