AIBU to feel so embarrassed about having no friends?

[Buttercup800]

I have no friends and haven’t had any since I was a teenager, I’m now in my late twenties. When I say no friends I really mean it, not a single person to talk to, I know some will find this hard to believe but I don’t have a single contact in my phone apart from the doctors surgery, council and hair salon.

I’m a nice person, friendly, would help out anyone, good listener but people don’t seem to want to be friends with me. I know it all sounds so pathetic because I’m an adult but I’m lonely.

I have signed up to friend apps but nobody messaged me and the people I sent messages to either ignored them or sent one word replies, I went to college but never made friends, I was friendly with the people in my class but they weren’t interested in being friends outside of college, I have looked at local groups I could maybe attend but unfortunately there is nothing in my area, I have volunteered to try and meet people but friendship never came from it.

The only time I get to speak to someone is if the employee at the shop tills engages in small talk or when I go and get my hair done and the hairdresser chats with me. I spend all my time alone , mostly stay indoors now as I have nowhere to go.

Does anyone else not have a single friend? How do people make friends in adulthood?

I relate so much op, I struggle to make friends due to moving around so much and also being bullied which left it's own emotional scars. I also think that technology had made people lazy when it comes to friendship, even when I see groups of people out and about, often they are totally engaged in their phones and not even speaking to each other.

I really hope getting a dog works out, that would be really wonderful and make so much difference to you, from ly experience dog walkers are always a lovely bunch of people

Pub?

I was in a similar situation about 10 years ago when I moved to a different country. Tried some volunteering, evening classes, but nothing led to a friendship. Until I joined a sports club, and people there always went for a drink to the pub afterwards. I tagged along (luckily they were very welcoming, and it was a big group of 15+ people usually). For the next few months, these weekly pub outings were my social activites. Then slowly this developed into deeper connections, like being invited to come along to the cinema with a couple of people of this group because we had discussed a film the last night in the pub,.... obviously not all sport clubs will have these regular pub outings, or might not be that welcoming to new people, but finding these groups and then taking it easy (i.e. just joining the group rather than trying too hard to make friends with an individual who you can meet / text individually - people have busy lives) might work! I wish you all the best! 🌸

You need to find a hobby. A book club? Amateur dramatics, volunteer at Park runs? Friendships take time to develop but there are lots of love people around who won't leave you out, you need to get out there and don't be disheartened if you don't make friends immediately.

If you like crafting could you go to some sessions with others? Sometimes wool or fabric shops hold classes or knit & natter sessions. Our local libraries do too. Also I got an email the other day from a local church advertising a coffee meet up for people who are looking for contact with others. Maybe there’s something like that in your area. An acquaintance of mine has got very involved with out local civic society and frequently meets up with other members. There’s also local volunteers here. Things like ‘friends’ of our local park. Which area of the country are you in? I do hope you find something.

Also if you can afford it why not go on a ‘singles’ holiday. I’m not talking about 18 -30 but
maybe a sight seeing tour. I haven’t done it myself but I’ve heard of people who have and have said the groups are very friendly. I’m sure someone on here could give recommendations and advice. Just seen you are in Scotland.

Im always up for a chat and always looking for new friends :)
Im no where near Scotland but friendships dont always have to be in person.

Bless you OP
Your OP, and this thread generally, has really pulled at my heartstrings, and put a lump in my throat. Awful to think of so many lonely people these days 😔
I'm literally the opposite end of the country, but I know there are lonely people in my neck of the woods too - it's an issue north, south, east and west; and I'd say a serious public health issue since the pandemic and all the lockdowns.
Some wonderful advice already on this thread.
I was also going to suggest voluntary work. As that's the main way I made new friends when I moved to this area about 4 or 5 years ago. But I then read that ill health prevents you from working. If you're able to do any kind of voluntary work that interests you, I'd very strongly recommend it. Voluntary work, moreso than paid work, unites people in a common purpose, and bonds tend to naturally form.
You sound lovely from your posts. I really do think you've got some wonderful friendships awaiting you. It sounds like you suffer from low self-esteem? I do too, and I think many people do, even if you see a confident chatty facade (in fact sometimes especially so) so try not to put pressure on yourself, and lots of self-care. I sometimes think that learning to enjoy your own company first, can lead naturally to healthy relationships with others. But I know it's easier said than done.
I wish you well, and I think everyone here is rooting for you! You take care. Very best wishes

Do you suspect you may have some autism traits, because you come across as very awkward and maybe socially difficult? The neurodiverse community are actually very welcoming and sometimes people find better friendships there. To have come so far in life and not made a serious friend or relationship or have family is quite unusual. Worth looking into?

Bumping this thread .
I'm mid thirties only one or two friends miles away.
I'm south east area, tho don't mind travelling to London or further if anyone is looking for new mates.

I agree that making friends can be a slow process, which is really hard when you're feeling lonely now. I think maybe if you start by seeking company then hopefully things will grow without the pressure. But you can't put all your eggs in one basket - you have to scatter lots of seeds and see if any grow. Sometimes people you were friendly to come back into your life later and become closer friends then. Someone from college might recognise you out dog walking and you get chatting, for example. Good luck op!

Bless you OP. I noticed our local Tescos is running “ A cuppa & kindness” sessions monthly. Maybe that would be in your area? And you say you have tried voluntary work - maybe try again, with organisations that are likely to have folks your own age or near to it.

I am the same. Think it is due to me changing jobs every few years. Have got to the age of 37 and my best friend is my dog. Which makes me sad. But I have made a great friend through the volunteer group I help run on a Wednesday. I have always been quite and quite happy in my own company but would love to have a best friend.

A few years ago I found myself in a situation like this, a combination of having kids young, adhd and being isolated by my abusive ex left me with literally not one friend.

I found it very difficult and it did take some time but I managed to make a solid set of friends via a book club I went to. It was a decent one mostly under 30’s and we’d meet up in restaurants or bars etc.

Bumble do a friend app I think I’ve heard about, there’s also community activities. Near me there’s a female only community garden run by a lovely team who have social events and mixers.

I also found a friend via a hobby group I joined, and there’s societies at college and uni you could try?

A lot of this info I found on Facebook so I’d sign up and have a look around if you can.

Hey OP, I'm also in Central Scotland and basically in the exact same boat as you. You can PM if you wish.

Can you knit? I noticed a local coffee shop had a “stitch and bitch group”, who meet once a week. I’d never heard of it so looked it up and I think there’s lots dotted around. Sounds like great fun so maybe worth looking out for one? Someone I work with goes to a “quilting group” so similar groups depending on skills might be an option. I think the fact everyone has a shared skill, takes some of the pressure off.

A book club? I think this is a win, win - new people and new things to read.

If you like writing letters and don't mind making online friends for the time being there is an amazing penpal app called Slowly. It's not for everyone and you might meet the occasional scammer but as long as you are cautious it's a really great way to pass time, hone your writing skills and chat with people all over the world. So much better than instant messaging. You can filter/ search particular countries and restrict to women only if you prefer. It changed my life.

You mentioned crafting, might be worth looking for a craft meet up group? I know lots of people who have made friends through craft, myself included.

@Buttercup800

ive @ you op as there is a poster in central Scotland who is in the same boat as you

Good luck x

It's hard to make friends as an adult so I feel for you. I moved to a new area about six years ago and am only feeling that acquaintances might turn into friends now. I agree with joining clubs, choirs, classes etc because it's good to stay active and get out and about but I wouldn't expect to make friends through all of them. Sports clubs can be good but some are welcoming and some are cliquey so you probably need to shop around and find a group that is friendly and goes to the pub etc. I'm not a member of an amateur dramatics group but I think they can be good as putting on a play is an intense experience you all go through together. If you don't fancy acting then how about helping with costumes or stage management? I agree with getting a dog - dog owners all seem to know each other. I've found that sometimes asking for help from someone in a class or group can be a good way of getting to know someone better - but don't get your hopes up too high as I think making friends as an adult is a gradual process and people tend to shy away if they sense they're being asked for too much commitment. Good luck! You sound like you would be a great friend to have.

I totally relate and I'm just in my thirties. I have moved a few times and each time lost contact with friends for various reasons. Currently trying again and have started running as well as a local group. I know it is awkward at first but soon you start to get to know people and build from there.

Tried to pm the op but states she is no longer active

I don't either. I'm a kind and caring person but never enough for anyone. Kind of accepted it now but am terribly lonely and sad about it.

I don't expect to make friends in an evening class, but will look into it again.
Yes its the feeling lonely, I managed for long time but when you get older and worry about any health issues it's hard.