AIBU to feel so embarrassed about having no friends?

[Buttercup800]

I have no friends and haven’t had any since I was a teenager, I’m now in my late twenties. When I say no friends I really mean it, not a single person to talk to, I know some will find this hard to believe but I don’t have a single contact in my phone apart from the doctors surgery, council and hair salon.

I’m a nice person, friendly, would help out anyone, good listener but people don’t seem to want to be friends with me. I know it all sounds so pathetic because I’m an adult but I’m lonely.

I have signed up to friend apps but nobody messaged me and the people I sent messages to either ignored them or sent one word replies, I went to college but never made friends, I was friendly with the people in my class but they weren’t interested in being friends outside of college, I have looked at local groups I could maybe attend but unfortunately there is nothing in my area, I have volunteered to try and meet people but friendship never came from it.

The only time I get to speak to someone is if the employee at the shop tills engages in small talk or when I go and get my hair done and the hairdresser chats with me. I spend all my time alone , mostly stay indoors now as I have nowhere to go.

Does anyone else not have a single friend? How do people make friends in adulthood?

*lot older

Sorry to hear that OP, do you talk to your neighbours? Several of my close neighbours from various places I’ve lived have become good friends, and I live in unfriendly London!

Other places I’ve made new friends as an adult include a slimming group (I failed miserably at losing weight but did make some good friends)! And a local walking group. Anything is worth a try! Best of luck

You do need to join a few things OP and then over time you become a regular and have friends although it can still take time to make good close friends . It's hard at first but go along to things and introduce yourself to people, say you're new, ask a few questions etc. Try meet up groups, women's institute, gym classes, political groups if that's your thing, church, humanists, Sunday assemblies, ramblers, intervarsity clubs....

I’m so glad you posted. I really feel for you. It can be so hard making friends as an adult, especially if you have health issues. Whereabouts do you live? There’s a United reformed church on my road which has a coffee and chat afternoon every Monday. I wonder if there’s similar in your area? Sometimes libraries can have a variety of groups or can signpost to organisations. What about joining a choir? They’re usually friendly and fun.

Hiya, I'm not that far from you either if you want to send me a pm! I'd have sent you one but I can't figure out how on the app :(

My college class was a mix of all ages but most people on it already had large friendship groups and weren’t interested in meeting up.

I didn’t have a great time at school, was bullied due to my weight but I did have one very close friend, she ended up ghosting me when she got popular and I never heard from her again.

thank you for all your suggestions. I’m going to look and see if there is walking groups in my area.

sorry for not replying to individual replies, I’m new here and unsure how to do this.

I am going through my friends in my mind now and trying to think where I met them and how. Most are through music = I sing in choirs and run a community choir - friendships have emerged through this. I am also part of a voluntary group in our village and we raise money for things needed - e.g. a playground - and these people have all become friends.

Thinking about it, these friendships did not arise because I was looking for friends, but simply because there were like-minded people. Is there something you enjoy that might create friendships because they share your interests? But do not expect friendships to develop quickly. Volunteering is a really good way to meet people and make friends.

I wish you lots of luck with this.

This 100%

tennis club if your health allows, bird watching club

Would your health issue allow you to do parkrun? Although you can just be a volunteer, you don't have to run.

Look up your local Soroptimists club. I promise they will welcome you.

Just be friendly to the people you meet and eventually relationships will develop with people you click with.

I think people will generally not be keen to spend time with strangers (brits especially) which is why you've had some brush offs, let it develop organically :)

Don't be embarrassed OP- some good suggestions from posters. Sending a virtual hug

Agree, Soroptimist, join a choir, get a dog. All ways to meet people.

It is incredibly hard to make friends I totally understand

I’m Scotland too and also have this problem. Feel free to PM OP or any of the other lonely Scots :)

It's good to hear you would like a dog. Keep trying. When you do, find a small park where regulars go for dog socialising every day. I've got to know so many people in my local area this way and made a couple of good friends. I have long chats daily while the dogs run around together. And the dog is great company too, a real best friend! Take care re a rescue though and make sure it's a social dog, if you end up with a difficult or reactive dog it could isolate you even more. It could be worth saving up for a puppy. The dog house board here on Mumsnet is great for advice and information on all things doggy.

You don't have to add people on fb. You can join groups and meet people that way.

We are opposite end of the country, but is nice sone other Scot’s would like to meet up x

I do wonder if your age might be playing a part here. I made some great friends when I was in my mid-late twenties through to early thirties, but then found many of them drifted a bit as they got into serious relationships or had kids - and I found I was struggling to make new friends to fill the gap.

However, since my later thirties (I’m 43 now) I’ve made some really good friends again. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that they’ve all been married for a long time, and in the case of those with kids, their kids are grown up (or at least that bit older). They’re all past the lovey-dovey stage; family life isn’t as all-consuming as it was. Could it be that you’re at an age where people aren’t prioritising new friendships?

I know that might be much comfort, but remember that this doesn’t last forever 🙂Also, maybe think outside your own age group? You say you’re in your late twenties - maybe younger people who are less settled down, or older people who’ve already done the ‘my little family’ bit, might be more receptive?

Hey, I’m also in central Scotland, late twenties (no kids though) and struggle with having no friends (although lucky enough to have a partner). Don’t work due to medical reasons but have volunteered before. Would be more than happy for you to message me on here for my WhatsApp etc.

I’d second getting a dog. If the rescue centres won’t give you one, get one from somewhere else - buy one/research how to get one. If you want something, really go for it!

I’d also suggest online dating tbh, as even if you’re not really looking for a relationship (and you haven’t mentioned if you are), it’s a good way to meet people and have conversations. It could also lead to friendship if you’re both on the same page.

Don’t feel embarrassed. Lonely is understandable but there’s no shame in it.

That must be really tough, I don't think it's uncommon but I have somehow got a lot of friends so maybe I have some tips. As a teen I went through stages of having no friends at all and it's horrible.

I think my best tips are to be interested in people and to be yourself. I think socialising is a bit of a skill and takes practice. Also have a thick skin, like many things in life it's a bit of a numbers game. I have lovely close friends I've known for 20 years and close friends I've known for 2, but I also have had friends that have come and gone, unanswered texts, stood up, ghosted etc. That doesn't mean that doesn't hurt at times but if you keep putting yourself out there you'll meet people and some of them will stick, sometimes the people you least expect!

Shared interests/ mindsets help. Personally I think college courses are the worst way to meet people, never worked for me but courses targeted at particular groups can be better.

How about charity work? Might be a good shared interest or professional interest even if you're not currently working.

As well as a numbers game with people it's a numbers game with places. The more places you go and things you do the more people you meet. Easier said than done but hope it helps and good luck

Oh sweetheart, I can relate all too well. I was happy with my own company too until the lockdowns and I realised just how alone I was. I am north east Scotland and probably a bit older than you but would love you to drop me a message. Not great with technology but I will do my best.

Aw OP I'm the same due to PTSD, but unfortunately I'm always the one avoiding friendship and social events

People are definitely up for meeting in general in my experience - just find things you're interested in, join groups, and it might happen. And do you work, are you friendly with people there?

Also could you talk to your GP about CBT?

Do you have a church near you? I've found that church congregations are keen to meet "new blood" and often the larger/more active ones have cohort groups - e.g, young adults, newcomers, under 30s, etc.

I do feel for you, it can be really hard. Don't be embarrassed, though, because many people are in the same boat.