Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School run help when her husband could've done it

112 replies

mineymimey · 30/06/2022 15:48

I've been stewing on something since Monday, but I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable!

For context, we live 15 minutes walk away from the primary school my DD6 attends.

The friend / school mum that this relates to lives 15 minutes away, but in a different direction from my house. She has a useless husband when it comes to childcare and help.

Our 2 eldest DDs are in the same class.

On Monday, she told me her youngest DD was poorly but that was she having to take her on school run as her husband was working away for the day. So I offered to pick her eldest up and take her to school.

She lives 10 minutes in a different direction. So off we toddle on Monday, leaving the house 10 minutes early to pick up her DD.

We also pick her up after school and take her home, again 10 minutes in the wrong direction, in the rain. Only for her DD to say on the school walk back that her Dad was home, and was all day.

He was working, but I know his job is flexible and could have easily done school runs, or even have sat with the poorly child whilst mum did school run.

I feel annoyed that she told me her husband was working away. He is useless with childcare and won't step up unless specifically asked. So I have a feeling she just thought I was the easier option.

AIBU to be annoyed at this?

OP posts:
DemBonesDemBones · 30/06/2022 15:52

It's 10 minutes out of your way. I would have offered. I couldn't get over excited about it.

GreatCrash · 30/06/2022 15:53

YANBU that is a bit rubbish!

Original poster
mineymimey · 30/06/2022 15:53

I think it's the fact that she told me he was working away that day, when in fact he was working at home.

OP posts:
KyaClark · 30/06/2022 15:53

DemBonesDemBones · 30/06/2022 15:52

It's 10 minutes out of your way. I would have offered. I couldn't get over excited about it.

I think it's the lying that's the problem

Wellthatsjustswell · 30/06/2022 15:54

Of course YANBU! What kind of parent lets another parent come out of her way to collect his DD instead of taking her to school himself?

you know what to say if there is a next time!

DatingIsDifficult · 30/06/2022 15:55

Let them sort it out in future, whether he’s ‘working away’ or actually working away. Either way, not your problem.

Essexgalttc · 30/06/2022 15:55

As long as it’s a one off, I would be a bit peeved but I’d move on from it. Maybe it would of just been better if she didn’t lie about him being at home, even if she had said “he’s at home but can’t leave as he is busy at work” would of been better.

SmileyPiuPiu · 30/06/2022 15:55

I'd be annoyed at him tbh.

LetitiaLeghorn · 30/06/2022 15:56

I'd have no idea how they divided their responsibilities at home, so I wouldn't be cross at the father. However, I'd be annoyed that the wife lied to me.

Onlyforcake · 30/06/2022 15:56

You know that they've got problems, so it is nice of you to help. Maybe though this is a situation where your short term act of goodwill delays the long term benefit of him stepping up or shipping out. I'd withdraw support but not be annoyed per se.

Misstes · 30/06/2022 15:56

You offered she didn’t ask. You don’t know if his meeting got cancelled at the last minute. But he could of picked her up yes.

SmileyPiuPiu · 30/06/2022 15:57

He's probably a jerk so she felt she had to lie rather than say oh he's sat at home refusing to assist

IntegrityisDead · 30/06/2022 15:57

You are definitely not BU!! I would be upset too - if she had said he was at home but asked you to help out knowing what a PITA he is then fair enough.

But lying to you to get you to go out of your way - that makes her just as bad as him in my opinion....

LetitiaLeghorn · 30/06/2022 15:57

Just to add, I wouldn't still be stewing about it three days later.

IamnotSethRogan · 30/06/2022 15:58

It's not great but maybe she's just embarrassed, needed help and didn't want to go into what a cunt her husband is

JenniferBarkley · 30/06/2022 15:59

I'd be angry with him but sympathetic to her. If he's such an asshole that he wouldn't look after the sick child or do the school run she didn't have many options and presumably would've been (rightly) embarrassed to tell you he was home but wouldn't do it.

redskyatnight · 30/06/2022 16:00

mineymimey · 30/06/2022 15:53

I think it's the fact that she told me he was working away that day, when in fact he was working at home.

Maybe he came home early? The 6 year old could easily have assumed he'd been home all day, when he's only just got back.

stuntbubbles · 30/06/2022 16:00

Well, now you know she lies when she has perfectly adequate childcare backup. So when she has a real emergency and needs help, you’ll have to assume it’s a lie: not who cried wolf. She’s only hurt herself here, really.

cestlavielife · 30/06/2022 16:02

Give her some leaflets on coercive conttol
Maybe she is in abusive relationship
Lies becauseshe suffers if she asks dh for canything

WinterMusings · 30/06/2022 16:03

mineymimey · 30/06/2022 15:53

I think it's the fact that she told me he was working away that day, when in fact he was working at home.

I understand how you feel, I used to get it a lot when my friends kids were younger, I never confronted her though because I figured she was embarrassed to continually have to admit he was a waste of space.

if you were happy to do it for ^her if he was away, then be equally happy to it fir her* because the poor woman is married to a twat.

yes HE should have stepped up, but given he didn't, SHE still needed help.

hellcatspangle · 30/06/2022 16:05

DemBonesDemBones · 30/06/2022 15:52

It's 10 minutes out of your way. I would have offered. I couldn't get over excited about it.

Yes, a twenty minute round trip out of her way, twice in a day, in the rain with another child in tow.

Triffid1 · 30/06/2022 16:07

Well, I'd say this is clearly a situation where your friend's home situation is perhaps worse than you realised if he can't even be trusted to be left with the poorly younger child for 20 minutes while she does the school run. So I don't blame you for being annoyed but I'd feel sympathy for your friend.

I'd also say that taking what the child said as gospel truth is a mistake. Children often get the wrong end of the stick. Possibly he was still there when she left the house but was leaving 5 minutes later or she thought he was there but he wasn't.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 30/06/2022 16:09

The 6 yo wouldn't necessarily know he'd been home all day if you were just walking back from school (unless i misunderstood). I would probably feel a bit sorry for the mum if her DH really was this crap though and wouldn't even sit with the sick dc so mum could do the school run. You made her day a bit better. If she makes a habit of it then maybe she is a CF and you'll know not to offer in future.

DemBonesDemBones · 30/06/2022 16:09

@hellcatspangle really?! You honestly wouldn't do this?! I have 3 kids and have more on the school run/back to mine a few times a week when friends need a favour. It's really not a massive deal!

DemBonesDemBones · 30/06/2022 16:10

@hellcatspangle that was a typo-I actually have 4 kids Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread