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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to ask for this money back?!

144 replies

TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 19:11

My daughters' nursery was doing a sponsored walk to raise money. I have two dds in the nursery so was x2 the sponsorship.
My daughters start at a different time than other children (been like this since they started)
I've only just found out the sponsored walk happened before my dds got there! We managed to raise about 75 pound between the two, money that I struggled to put towards it as we are skint
I'm going to phone the nursery tomorrow but would I look like an asshole to ask for this money back?

OP posts:
Crankley · 30/06/2022 21:42

I'm cringing with embarrassment on your behalf that you would even contemplate doing such a thing. Of course YABU.

TeddyisMydog · 01/07/2022 06:22

scoopoftheday · 30/06/2022 21:30

@TeddyisMydog are you absolutely sure that there wasn't a walk per session? Have you asked the girls if the did their walk?

When mine were at playgroup there would have been a walk per session.

Yes my children said they did not do any walk

OP posts:
TeddyisMydog · 01/07/2022 06:23

Lovebeingamummy2 · 30/06/2022 20:13

@TeddyisMydog did you end up asking/getting your money back in the end

I did ask but the nursery shut early for school holidays. They don't seem to have an active phone line either, I couldn't get anybody on the phone so I emailed but nobody responded to that

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 01/07/2022 06:30

I would ask for the money back. As your family sound like they need the money and they could potentially get upset by this.

nursery should have specified time of the sponsored walk.

AbreathofFrenchair · 01/07/2022 06:35

Did they definitely not do it?

I work in a Nursery and we have morning and afternoon children and we would do something like this twice in a day so all children can take part.

I personally wouldn't ask for the money back but if the family member really needs their £2 back and you need whatever you donated then ask, especially if its impacting your finances which will in turn impact the children

StrangeCondition · 01/07/2022 06:43

frazzledasarock · 01/07/2022 06:30

I would ask for the money back. As your family sound like they need the money and they could potentially get upset by this.

nursery should have specified time of the sponsored walk.

They wouldn't be getting the money back if the walk had happened, so why do they need it now?

ladydimitrescu · 01/07/2022 06:43

If you know your family members were struggling to the point they couldn't scrape together a fiver, you should never have asked them to sponsor them in the first place. It's not a mandatory event. You decided to do it, you knew what the money was going toward. It's a walk ffs - walk them around yourself and then presto, they've done it.
You are beyond unreasonable to ask for the money back.

ladydimitrescu · 01/07/2022 06:45

And if your family members are in such severe need, I would suggest you give them £5 yourself and apologise for asking them to sponsor your children knowing they couldn't afford to.

Beees · 01/07/2022 06:47

Yes my children said they did not do any walk

I assumed probably naively that nursery had told you your children hadn't taken part. The fact you're relying on small children to give you an accurate account of their day makes this even odder. You don't actually know for sure they didn't do the walk.

WhereIsVillanelleWhenNeeded · 01/07/2022 06:53

Personally I’d let the nursery know I was disappointed that the children never got to participate and that’s all. Tell your family members who sponsored them and if they want their ££ back then they can ask for it themselves, why would the nursery give you someone else’s sponsorship?

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 01/07/2022 06:55

Mention to the preschool that your kids are disappointed they didn’t get to take part.

but you can’t ask for the money back. It’s money raised to help your kids preschool buy resources.

Wowwe · 01/07/2022 06:58

This has gotta be a wind up 😂😂😂

hopeishere · 01/07/2022 06:59

I generally refuse to ask family members for donations or sponsorship for stuff like this. Just make your own donation of whatever you can afford.

I think it's a bit petty to ask for it back but if those who donated need the money that badly you might have to.

Treacletreacle · 01/07/2022 06:59

Surely a sponsorship is to be seen as a donation to the nursery. You seem to see this as a payment towards your children doing the walk? If your family members and yourself are tight for money you still would have been if your children had walked the walk. I think alot of us are struggling with your mindset. The sponsorship is towards the nursery would you feel the same if the money was going towards a charity? Surely with anything like this you put in what you can afford. Yes its a shame the children didnt take part but to ask for your money back just seems wrong and embarrassing

lanthanum · 01/07/2022 07:04

The difference between asking for donations and a sponsored event ought to be that the person being sponsored is making some sort of effort or achievement, so it seems a bit off to take the money when that isn't the case. In the olden days, you didn't collect the money until the event had taken place, so you could go back and say how many laps or whatever you did - usually there would be a space on the form for someone to sign to say you'd completed it. Nowadays, most people just put a lump sum and hand it over in advance, which saves the admin but removes the incentive.

DD's school had an annual sponsored "swim", where the children swam or walked backwards and forwards across the school pool while the PTCA counted widths. As DD really needed the incentive to swim, I offered double money for widths she actually swam - but they weren't willing to record that, so it was another pointless session of walking in water. I'd rather they'd asked for donations and used the time more productively.

As a child, we were not allowed to ask people outside the family for sponsors, as my parents didn't want people feeling obliged to donate. We didn't do the event, if optional, or had just our parents on our sponsor sheet. You should not feel obliged to raise a certain amount.

Anyway, in this case it is poor that they had someone collecting sponsors but not participating, but possibly they just forgot that your DC would not be there at the relevant time, so I'd probably just let it go - perhaps doing the walk with them at another time so they can feel they've achieved it. You could mention to the nursery that you felt rather embarrassed that when your DC's sponsors asked about the walk, they hadn't done it, but I don't think I'd ask for money back.

wotsitsaremyfave · 01/07/2022 07:16

How far was tje walk?
Why don't you do it at the wekeend?

TeddyisMydog · 01/07/2022 07:24

Beees · 01/07/2022 06:47

Yes my children said they did not do any walk

I assumed probably naively that nursery had told you your children hadn't taken part. The fact you're relying on small children to give you an accurate account of their day makes this even odder. You don't actually know for sure they didn't do the walk.

Nope the nursery did not say a thing to me.
The walk took part at 9.30, my children did not start until the afternoon session so yes I believe their account of events 🤨

OP posts:
indigo91986 · 01/07/2022 07:44

I worked in a nursery for years, for charity donations like sponsored walks most parents don't even give a donation. If they do they will sponsor 1 or 2 quid. If you're lucky they'll give £5. Donating that much is bonkers so best believe all the staff would have been discussing how so and so's parents donated £75 so to ask for it back would more than likely have you down as the mom who asked for the money she donated back..
Just ask them when they will be doing the walk with your girls as it seems that they didn't go on a walk instead of just outright asking for it back!

TeddyisMydog · 01/07/2022 07:57

indigo91986 · 01/07/2022 07:44

I worked in a nursery for years, for charity donations like sponsored walks most parents don't even give a donation. If they do they will sponsor 1 or 2 quid. If you're lucky they'll give £5. Donating that much is bonkers so best believe all the staff would have been discussing how so and so's parents donated £75 so to ask for it back would more than likely have you down as the mom who asked for the money she donated back..
Just ask them when they will be doing the walk with your girls as it seems that they didn't go on a walk instead of just outright asking for it back!

Its now shut for summer holidays

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