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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ask for this money back?!

144 replies

TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 19:11

My daughters' nursery was doing a sponsored walk to raise money. I have two dds in the nursery so was x2 the sponsorship.
My daughters start at a different time than other children (been like this since they started)
I've only just found out the sponsored walk happened before my dds got there! We managed to raise about 75 pound between the two, money that I struggled to put towards it as we are skint
I'm going to phone the nursery tomorrow but would I look like an asshole to ask for this money back?

OP posts:
LilacPoppy · 29/06/2022 20:17

You were wrong to ask your family for money they couldn’t afford. Any you weren’t paying for an activity it’s a donation one that you couldn’t afford. £5 per child from yourself would have been sufficient.

Original poster
TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 20:18

No I wouldn't ask for it back if they had refused to do it or fallen and couldn't take any further part because at least they'd have been there, they would have tried their best
The fact they weren't involved at all is what is annoying me

OP posts:
Hunderland · 29/06/2022 20:20
  1. Put wellies on your kids
  2. Take them for a mile walk
  3. Job done! Kids have walked the sponsored amount and you've donated to the nursery.
JustLikeJasper · 29/06/2022 20:20

Why would you ask your family for sponsorship money when they couldn't afford it? That's on you for putting them in an awkward position in the first place.

1AngelicFruitCake · 29/06/2022 20:21

I think you need to learn from this not to donate more than you can afford. I never donate more than £5 or £10. I never worry about looking mean!

Loveisnotloving · 29/06/2022 20:24

This is fucking batshit. Your kids don’t start the same time as everyone else. They missed the walk that were going to do to raise 75 quid. They did not pay 75 quid to DO the walk.

I am actually coming out in hives at the thought of you going in tomorrow to ask for your money back. Mortified for you.

Dibbydoos · 29/06/2022 20:24

TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 19:14

I would obviously give it all back to the people that donated
It's quite unfair my children didn't even get to take part, nobody even mentioned that it had already happened when I was handing over the money!

I don't think you have any option but to ask for the money to gp back to all the sponsors otherwise its been obtained deceitful.

WTF I'd the nursery doing? Seriously! If people choose not to have their money back it's fine, but they all need to be asked.

And honestly, nurseries are not destitute. They make profits otherwise who are there so many of them?!

Azandme · 29/06/2022 20:25

I can't believe you donated so much!

I can't believe you let a family member scrape together a fiver over a few days and took that money from them either.

My dd would get £5 per family member at most, and nobody would be skinting themselves to do it. I wouldn't DREAM of asking any family member who was struggling - that's dreadful.

You've all been a little bit silly sponsoring tiny kids for such a large amount when you're not able to do it comfortably.

Why not tell the nursery that the children are disappointed and ask if they can do the walk the next time they're in. Even if it's just laps around the garden. A mile is a mile.

Original poster
TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 20:29

Loveisnotloving · 29/06/2022 20:24

This is fucking batshit. Your kids don’t start the same time as everyone else. They missed the walk that were going to do to raise 75 quid. They did not pay 75 quid to DO the walk.

I am actually coming out in hives at the thought of you going in tomorrow to ask for your money back. Mortified for you.

I know it probably doesn't matter but the walk was today, the money also had to be in today so it was already raised in good faith of them taking part
You carry on being mortified for me, 3 mums from the nursery have said I should ask for it back and that they'd be doing the same

OP posts:
Original poster
TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 20:30

Azandme · 29/06/2022 20:25

I can't believe you donated so much!

I can't believe you let a family member scrape together a fiver over a few days and took that money from them either.

My dd would get £5 per family member at most, and nobody would be skinting themselves to do it. I wouldn't DREAM of asking any family member who was struggling - that's dreadful.

You've all been a little bit silly sponsoring tiny kids for such a large amount when you're not able to do it comfortably.

Why not tell the nursery that the children are disappointed and ask if they can do the walk the next time they're in. Even if it's just laps around the garden. A mile is a mile.

I also had to scrape the money together.
They were happy enough to donate as they thought the girls would do really well to do the whole mile. It was also a one off as the nursery have never done anything like this nor has the school

OP posts:
HelloAllll · 29/06/2022 20:30

Of course you can't ask for it back! Im genuinely surprised someone would consider doing so

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 29/06/2022 20:31

If your family couldn't afford it and was struggling that much, you should have never accepted it from them or even asked them to donate.

glamourousindierockandroll · 29/06/2022 20:31

I can see your point but I am also really surprised you gave so much. I'd have given £5 per child at the absolute maximum.

I would normally say YABU to ask for it back but in the circumstances I can see why you're considering it tbh.

If I was the nursery manager, I think i'd be a bit mortified you'd given £75 for an activity your children didn't do.

Loveisnotloving · 29/06/2022 20:31

TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 20:29

I know it probably doesn't matter but the walk was today, the money also had to be in today so it was already raised in good faith of them taking part
You carry on being mortified for me, 3 mums from the nursery have said I should ask for it back and that they'd be doing the same

Show quote history

Ha ha good luck to you! Why on earth you took that kind of money from
family who could not afford it is beyond me.

Loveisnotloving · 29/06/2022 20:32

It’s not an activity they paid to do!!!

Azandme · 29/06/2022 20:38

TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 20:30

I also had to scrape the money together.
They were happy enough to donate as they thought the girls would do really well to do the whole mile. It was also a one off as the nursery have never done anything like this nor has the school

Show quote history

Unless your children have a solid grasp of the value of money the amount wouldn't bother them. It's the being sponsored, not the amount kids of that age tend to care about.

Beees · 29/06/2022 20:40

You would look absolutely batshit asking for it back and I don't for a second believe anyone agreed with you let alone 3 parents. They probably just said that to stop you talking such nonsense. Your children didn't take part, that's unfortunate but it would also have been unfortunate if they were sick today and therefore still didn't join in. The fact you're the only person whose children attend at a different time probably means they didn't even register checking the time as everyone else was there.

Also like a previous poster I'm completely baffled why you're moving your child after the summer when they have just started. Is there more going on with the nursery, it seems odd to use them for such a short amount of time.

Cleothecat75 · 29/06/2022 20:42

I’ve never felt bad for not sponsoring my dc that much to do this kind of event. We ask those members of the family who can afford it, but if I know they can afford it, I don’t ask.

I don’t think you can ask for the money back. It’s a walk at nursery, it’s really not that big an event. Take them for a walk yourself if you want to. The nursery needed to raise funds, this is probably the easiest way to raise cash. Other options involve a lot of organisation (Eg summer fayre) or have a financial risk involved (Eg children draw a picture and nursery has them all printed on tea towels for parents to buy).

a sponsored walk/silence/bounce/bike ride/sing etc are free to organise and can be completed really easily in nursery time. It’s just unfortunate that your dc missed the session. I guess the communication from nursery should have been better, but a lesson not to give more than you afford for these things.

Sciobai · 29/06/2022 20:42

TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 20:30

I also had to scrape the money together.
They were happy enough to donate as they thought the girls would do really well to do the whole mile. It was also a one off as the nursery have never done anything like this nor has the school

Show quote history

The nursery has never done anything like this before...well obviously if they've only been open a month?!? Don't be an arsehole asking for a 'charitable donation' back. As previous posters have said, you were not paying for your children to do an activity, you were donating to a charity! The fact that you or your family can't afford it is irrelevant as you put forward the money already. Learn from this and only donate what you can actually afford!

Original poster
TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 20:43

It's a new build nursery, they've been in the nursery for the past few months . Nothing going on but we are leaving the area and it is no longer within our catchment area.
If they were sick and couldn't go then I would not have handed the money over as again they wouldn't have been there

My partner also agrees that we should ask for it back so he obviously doesn't think I talking nonsense. The parents have said the nursery are a bunch of cheeky cunts to not have said anything to me so yup definitely saying it to shut me up 🙄

OP posts:
Loveisnotloving · 29/06/2022 20:45

You absolutely mad scone.

Original poster
TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 20:45

Sorry the actual nursery has been there for years. My 2nd dd only started 10 months ago. The nursery currently is a new build one

OP posts:
Beees · 29/06/2022 20:47

The parents have said the nursery are a bunch of cheeky cunts to not have said anything to me so yup definitely saying it to shut me up

Parents as in multiple actually said these words to you. Hmm

Look you obviously don't like the nursery so sure ask them for it back and ignore the majority. The money was a donation no matter what you think trust us it is indeed batshit to ask for it back just because your children didn't take part.

Gazelda · 29/06/2022 20:47

Is the nursery a commercial enterprise or a charity?

It was a misunderstanding.
The nursery (despite only being open for 1 month) have never done anything like this before. You know that your DDs start at a different time to everyone else.

Both you and the nursery are at fault for not clarifying the start time.

But I'd be very embarrassed at having asked family members who I knew were skint to scrape together so much money to donate to a nursery.

I'd be equally too embarrassed to ask for the money back. The money you raised wasn't an entrance fee. It was a donation. To make the activity more enjoyable and to help the children feel as though they've earned the sponsorship, there was an activity for them to take part in.

Don't ask for the money back.
Don't ask people who don't have much money for donations in future.
Give a pound or two if you can afford it.
Clarify the details in advance.

Aconitum · 29/06/2022 20:47

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. In fact I am surprised that the organiser has got the brass neck to keep your DC's sponsor money knowing full well that they didn't/couldn't do it.
Ask for it back but mention that you will be happy to sponsor your DC's for activities that they can be involved with in future.