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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ask for this money back?!

144 replies

TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 19:11

My daughters' nursery was doing a sponsored walk to raise money. I have two dds in the nursery so was x2 the sponsorship.
My daughters start at a different time than other children (been like this since they started)
I've only just found out the sponsored walk happened before my dds got there! We managed to raise about 75 pound between the two, money that I struggled to put towards it as we are skint
I'm going to phone the nursery tomorrow but would I look like an asshole to ask for this money back?

OP posts:
Original poster
TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 19:38

Tbf if the nursery had outright asked "can you donate some money" I would not have. The nursery was only opened a month ago, that costs millions to build .
I raised money for my girls to do the walk, they haven't done the walk so the nursery shouldn't keep my money

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 29/06/2022 19:40

TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 19:38

Tbf if the nursery had outright asked "can you donate some money" I would not have. The nursery was only opened a month ago, that costs millions to build .
I raised money for my girls to do the walk, they haven't done the walk so the nursery shouldn't keep my money

That's not how it works.

You raised money for the nursery. Your DD walking was just the hook for sponsorship.

YANBU to be disappointed they couldn't take part.

YABU to ask for the money back.

You shouldn't have done it at all if you're so against the idea of donating.

MissMaple82 · 29/06/2022 19:42

TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 19:27

The money has gone to the nursery.
They had to wear wellies for it too to make it a bit funner for them, I even put them in their bag Sad
Obviously I shouldn't give what I can't afford but I was happy to because I thought my children would do well to walk the whole mile

But you didn't contribute. You will absolutely look a right twat if you ask for it back, it's for your children's nursery, do you really begrudge them getting the money!

Misstes · 29/06/2022 19:43

Of course you can’t ask for it back! If it is going to the nursery your children will benefit from it in a roundabout sort of way anyway.

Hallyup89 · 29/06/2022 19:43

The money you donated will be going to pay for stuff to benefit your children. If you're struggling that much then you could ask for your part on the sponsorship money back but, as you're struggling, you didn't donate a huge amount, did you? You cannot ask for the rest of it to be returned.

Original poster
TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 19:45

I think this is one of these annoying ones where I'm not going to be told I'm U 😂 I'm just so annoyed that they took the money very happily without even saying "oh we did the walk 2 hours ago, did you not tell you to come in earlier we just assumed the girls couldn't do it" sort of thing. Nothing they just took the money.
And yes a drip feed but one of my girls will be going to Primary school and another to a different nursery after the summer holidays so any new equipment won't benefit them. But its the sheer fact of I thought they were taking part

OP posts:
FawnFrenchieMum · 29/06/2022 19:45

This is up there with one of the most ridiculous posts! You’ve got a long few years of school events ahead if your kids missing out on a walk so much!

Yes I agree the time should have been communicated to you.

£75 is a vast amount of money to raise for a nursery / school (you’ve years of these requests to come!), it’s a charity donation, no one ever actually cares what the kids are meant to do.

You’ve taken the whole thing far too seriously.

Pleaseletmeconfirm · 29/06/2022 19:47

I think you can ask for it back. There was a value in your children actually doing the walk to you that motivated you to raise the money. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Loads and loads of people only donate money when there is 'something' they get in return. That is perfectly ok.

Look at all the people who do the London marathon. They are raising lots of money but they also get to run a marathon and donate money and plenty of other plus'es such a raising awareness, elremembering loved ones, being able to bore people about their training....,whatever it is it doesn't matter.

I think you should ask for the money back as you wouldn't have given the money if you had known the situation. If you don't ask for the money back I bet it will annoy you forever more.

Also, it sounds a bit pfb (and psb - precious second born) that you got your family to raise so much. In future I would suggest just donating small amounts. You will find that you will constantly get asked for money through your your kids schooling. It gets very tedious

Original poster
TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 19:47

FawnFrenchieMum · 29/06/2022 19:45

This is up there with one of the most ridiculous posts! You’ve got a long few years of school events ahead if your kids missing out on a walk so much!

Yes I agree the time should have been communicated to you.

£75 is a vast amount of money to raise for a nursery / school (you’ve years of these requests to come!), it’s a charity donation, no one ever actually cares what the kids are meant to do.

You’ve taken the whole thing far too seriously.

I've really not but times are very hard for everyone. One of my family members took a few days to scrape together five pounds. It doesn't sit right with me that I now know my children didn't even take part.
And various family members will ask the children how they got on, they will say they didn't do it but yet I've just let the nursery keep the money, just doesn't sit right with me

OP posts:
berksandbeyond · 29/06/2022 19:49

You were happy to hand over the £75 for your kids to go on a walk. Take them for a walk yourself, and the nursery keep the money - same net benefit.

If you ask for the money back you'll be "that" parent

Original poster
TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 19:49

Pleaseletmeconfirm · 29/06/2022 19:47

I think you can ask for it back. There was a value in your children actually doing the walk to you that motivated you to raise the money. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Loads and loads of people only donate money when there is 'something' they get in return. That is perfectly ok.

Look at all the people who do the London marathon. They are raising lots of money but they also get to run a marathon and donate money and plenty of other plus'es such a raising awareness, elremembering loved ones, being able to bore people about their training....,whatever it is it doesn't matter.

I think you should ask for the money back as you wouldn't have given the money if you had known the situation. If you don't ask for the money back I bet it will annoy you forever more.

Also, it sounds a bit pfb (and psb - precious second born) that you got your family to raise so much. In future I would suggest just donating small amounts. You will find that you will constantly get asked for money through your your kids schooling. It gets very tedious

They are my second and third born children Grin
75 pound might not be substantial to some but I know its taken a lot of effort for my family to even afford a few quid
Thankfully my son is in P4 and it's only been one/two pound for discos. Nothing like this

OP posts:
2pinkginsplease · 29/06/2022 19:55

I wouldn’t ask for the money back however I would speak to the manager about the fact that your children missed out in participating as no one stipulated the time and say that you are disappointed regarding the situation,

Cantanka · 29/06/2022 19:56

If it only opened a month ago, why are you moving your younger child after the summer? Are there other issues with the nursery that might be clouding your approach here?

it is reasonable to complain that you weren’t told the time and your children weren’t included, but yes you will look like a complete arsehole if you ask for it back.

Sally872 · 29/06/2022 19:58

You are thinking about it the wrong way round in my opinion. You didn't raise the money so the children could do the walk. The children had to do the walk to raise the money. The fundraising is the important part.

That said, these are nursery children who expected to do a walk to earn their sponsorship and contribute to the fundraising so i can understand why you are disappointed they missed out.

I would let nursery know you are disappointed and expect to be informed if the different start time will cause them to miss anything special. And i would take the children the walk myself so they feel the achievement of completing it.

In future do not sponsor so much, give what you are genuinely happy to give and no more. The children will get to join in regardless of amount.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 29/06/2022 19:59

Why is a charity worthy of your money if your toddlers got to go on a walk but not when they didn’t?

If you couldn’t afford it you shouldn’t haven’t put so much in. That’s on you and your family putting yourself in financial strife for a bloody donation Confused.

Yes they should have told you it had already happened but you’d be an arsehole to ask for it back.

Confusion101 · 29/06/2022 20:00

Why post this is the AIBU section if you admit you aren't willing to listen to people telling you YABU!! Because YABU! I have loads of cousins who look for sponsorship for different things. I only ever give them what I can afford, sometimes it's €1 sometimes it's up to €5. If they tried to hand it back to me a week later I would tell them to keep it and donate it anyway. People were happy to donate to that particular nursery, the event was just a side! Agree with someone else who said maybe take them for a walk yourself if you feeling guilty about it. Going forward I would be requesting all details, and only one sponsorship card per household, not one per person. Too difficult on families in these times and totally unfair to bring 2 sponsorship cards home!

Mochalatteeyeahyaya · 29/06/2022 20:02

I can understand how you feel regarding your DC missing the walk, but you stated in your post that you're DC started nursery later than the other children so why didn't you clarify the time ??

The sponsor sheet will have been drawn up to fit the time when every other child was there...

Whilst it's not fair,. Would it have been fair to hold the walk back a few hours and maybe lots more kids missed out ?? Therefore the nursery losing more ££ ??...

I would still take your DC on the walk, but I would make it even more fun, make up a can we find sheet, make a day of it, that way they can tell family.

Misstes · 29/06/2022 20:04

If your worried about taking the money and them not having done the walk. Stick some wellies on them go to the park and have a lovely walk together. Job done. They can say they done the walk

Original poster
TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 20:05

I didn't clarify the time as I didn't feel the need to, I just (wrongly) assumed it would be happening in the afternoon
The sponsor form had no times on it, just that they were doing a mile walk
I realise they could've lost money by waiting for my children to take part but then why was it not communicated that it was happening first thing

OP posts:
Hurstlandshome · 29/06/2022 20:08

Yes, you are. People don't sponsor these nursery things to motivate the kids! They're not doing the London marathon! It's a donation to the nursery. No one would want their money back! YNBU to have expected to be told to bring the kids in earlier for it though.

Original poster
TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 20:13

My family would definitely want their money back

OP posts:
Hadtochangeitforthis · 29/06/2022 20:15

TeddyisMydog · 29/06/2022 19:47

I've really not but times are very hard for everyone. One of my family members took a few days to scrape together five pounds. It doesn't sit right with me that I now know my children didn't even take part.
And various family members will ask the children how they got on, they will say they didn't do it but yet I've just let the nursery keep the money, just doesn't sit right with me

Show quote history

I completely get where your coming from.

our school just outright asks for donations. I don’t give them as I can’t afford to.

When it turns into a sponsor thing, then I feel I have to do something. However I just do a small token amount, as do family, grandparents and I don’t ask those who would be hard pushed to donate as it’s not really fair on them, especially for something like a walk.

would I ask for it back….probably not as I’d feel embarrassed but if you are I would simply say what you’ve been saying, some have really been pushed for this and when asking how they did felt a bit miffed that they didn’t even do it so I would like to give them the money back

UneFoisAuChalet · 29/06/2022 20:15

I’m so confused…

So you’re ok to pay £75 for your kids to take part in a charity walk but if they don’t you want the money back??

whenever my kids have taken part in these sponsored events and I, grandparents, neighbours etc have given money, it kind of goes without saying that it literally doesn’t matter how, when, why, where the children have done it. You’re basically agreeing to part with X amount of funds to contribute to whatever the money is going to.

Chalk it up as experience and move on.

Duttercup · 29/06/2022 20:15

One of my family members took a few days to scrape together five pounds.

But that's on you for asking them for money for this absolute non-event? Sponsorship is such a loose term in this situation, it's the same as wear your pyjamas day or giving £1 to dress up on World Book Day. You're just giving money to nursery in one way or another.

Hoppinggreen · 29/06/2022 20:17

So you think you paid £75 for your children to walk a bit in wellies?
No, you and your family have donated the money to the nursery, the walk wasn’t the point at all. If one had refused to do it or fallen over at the start or something would you want your money back then?
You are going to look like an absolute arse if you ask for it back