That alcoholism can be cured in certain people?

[teenagehurtbag]

I'm a 30 year old woman. Have drank since I was around 12, it was always problematic for me since my first sip. I had never been able to say no, if I had one drink then I needed 100 more, my personality and behaviour would change completely. I binged most weekends from the age of 14 to 24.

At age 24 my binges turned daily, I would drink at a minimum 1.5 bottles every single night come rain or shine. I would promise myself every morning that I wouldn't drink that night but I always ended up doing it anyways. I functioned find from 24 - 27. Was able to keep being a mum and go to work/university and keep on top of everything and whilst everyone knew I liked a wine, no one knew the extent.

Summer 2019 when I was 27 my drinking got to an unmanageable level. I would drink from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. I would sleep in between and get up and drink more as soon as I woke. My daughter (5 at the time) had to go and live with her dad. All I cared about was alcohol. I was so ill, lost so much weight.

In September 2019 I got help, started counselling. In October 2019 I stopped drinking for 6 months. I really really enjoyed this break from alcohol. It changed everything for me. I got my daughter back in the December 2019.

I started drinking again in March 2020 when lockdown hit. It was a conscious decision and I set myself rules. No drinking when my daughter was with me/coming home, no drinking 2 nights in a row and no drinking in the day.

At first I thought I was doomed as the fact I had to set those rules were enough of a concern. However, 2 years later and I have stuck to each of my rules, have managed to graduate uni, start my masters in September. I can actually drink like a normal person now. For instance the other day I went out with my friends and had two cocktails and went home and didn't drink for the rest of the day.

So many people say drinking in moderation isn't possible and at first I'd of agreed, but two years on and alcohol has about the same grip on me as a McDonalds Big Mac burger

Maybe I wasn't a true alcoholic. Maybe I was drinking to mask depression etc. but every professional I met with during that time claimed I was an alcoholic and on the fast track to lolling myself.

AIBU to think some people can be cured?

How much are you drinking OP? What do you consider to be a safe amount? Do you get hangovers the next day?

You've done incredibly well to turn your life round. Well done

If your ultimate goal is to stop completely, why not start now?

I expect you are disheartened by many of the posts on this thread, but it's worth bearing in mind that people are only trying to help

I know two people who have not drunk for many years having realised they were an alcoholic. Start today as you mean to go on, one day at a time.

Having worked on a liver ward I would say please please stop. There is nothing worse than seeing a young person in because they have destroyed their liver. It's more common than you think. The liver can only take so much and you don't know what will push it too far, even if you feel like it is moderation. The best thing for your daughter to make sure she doesn't lose her mummy is to cut it completely.

people here know nothing

Oh, really? Ask me how many alcoholics and addicts I've seen buried, well before their time.

OP isn't an alcoholic nor addicted. As she has stated. Addiction is so complex, it is not unthinkable that the OP has truly managed to change her relationship with alcohol. Peoples comments come from ignorance and an inability to comprehend that other peoples experience can be different than their own yet still valid.

BTW your daughter knows that you drink.
You may not drink alcohol in front of her, but she clocks how responsive you are to her, your absences in thought & deeds, & the smell of alcohol on your breath/in your sweat. She’s too young to articulate it explicitly but she knows & adapts to accommodate your drinking.

Yes, sadly, this is true. That poor little girl.

And how many alcoholics and addicts have you seen buried before their time?

If she's not drinking when her daughter's with her then how would her daughter know?

OP isn't an alcoholic nor addicted. As she has stated.

Oh, as she has stated. That's okay then. Everthing should be fine.

Sorry to see you have witnessed so much suffering.

There is no point arguing or trying to speak facts with those who don't know or want to understand.
The reality of us family members, friends, colleague and basically anyone who is affected by a persons addiction, be it to drugs or alcohol, know only to well the excuses.

The reasoning, the bargaining, the denial.

Op, your relationship with alcohol has affected your daughter in a negative way.
What would she rather you do? Quit fully and put her first? Or play Russian roulette to your indulgences.

Did you miss the bit about her drinking from the moment she woke up?

Non alcoholics don’t do that. Hell I am an alcoholic (in recovery) and even I didn’t do that at my worst. To me that is somebody that is well progressed in terms of their alcoholism.

I have changed my relationship with alcohol too, in that for now (and hopefully forever) I won’t have anything else to do with it. But I will always be an alcoholic, it is actually very important for an alcoholic to know that.

@Teeturtle but she doesn't do that now and according to her OP, hasn't in over 2 years. Research has shown that labelling oneself an alcoholic is actually detrimental to recovery.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7500559/

I know someone who managed something similar. Uncontrolled drinking which resulted in a 'rock bottom' and inpatient treatment. Sober for a while then reintroduced drinking but again with very strict rules (and with long periods of sobriety - e.g. not daily/weekly drinking). They seem to have managed this for probably going on for over twenty/thirty years.

They do sometimes still seem to have an issue about stopping after a couple - e.g. will get tipsy/a little drunk but not out of control.

The thing for me is the need for 'rules' and how this impacts your life. Do you find yourself thinking about drinking a LOT? For example, always thinking ahead to the next time you are 'allowed' to drink.

if yes, this begs the question - are you really free? Seems like quite a lot of mental work - a lot of thinking, planning.

No judgment here, I think everyone is different - what works for some people won't work for others.

I genuinely wish you well but controlling your drinking takes structure and energy. For the past two years your MH has been good enough for devote the right amount of control.

If your MH declines, your drinking will escalate and you will be back where you were.

Also, your dd will know you are drinking as she gets older. It will make her very fearful.

You're still an alcoholic.

You've done well to get to this stage but time and time again people have slipped down.
DHs mum was sober for 6 years after rehab. Decided to drink in 'moderation' 3 years after this she's homeless, NC with any of her family, divorced and sofa surfing.

The risk is there and the risk is real. Please quit for your daughter.

I don’t use or like the term alcoholic either. I think it others alcohol and makes it seem different to other kinds of drug addiction when it is not. Not using the term alcoholic doesn’t mean someone isn’t still an addict.

I would hazard a guess that the posters sticking up for OP and rubbishing others knowledge and lived experience have got their own issues with alcohol they are yet to face up to. I get it. I really do. I would have been the same this time last year.

and as for kids - they know. They always know. No matter what you think you are doing to hide it - it won’t be enough.

Both my parents are (functioning) alcoholics. I've heard this many times, and it never worked out for them. We no longer speak. Take from that what you will.

Oh dear. All I hear is an alcoholic in denial. It's the madness of the disease that makes you think you don't have it. You do.

Consider for a moment that a person with a normal relationship with alcohol would not in a million years write a long post about their relationship with alcohol and their "control" over it.

They just wouldn't. If you can't see that you will when inevitably it spirals again.

I speak as a fellow problem drinker.

We lie to ourselves, we pretend we are in control with rules. You resumed drinking less than 4 months after getting your daughter back. Two years on you still need rules to keep things on an even keel.

Your child knows and you are putting yourself in a dangerous situation. Im sorry but you are not cured.

Drinkline, a free, confidential helpline for people who are concerned about their drinking, or someone else's. Call 0300 123 1110 (weekdays 9am–8pm, weekends 11am–4pm)
If you live in Wales, you can contact the DAN 24/7 alcohol and drug any time of the day or night. Freephone: 0808 808 2234, or text DAN to: 81066.
Alcoholics Anonymous, whose helpline is open 24/7 on 0800 9177 650. If you would prefer, you can also email them at [email protected] or live chat via their website at www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk.
You can join a SMART Recovery meeting online here. SMART holds both face-to-face and online meetings which support people in managing harmful addictive behaviour. The SMART Recovery Programme helps individuals and family members of those who are struggling. They also have women's only meetings and those specifically for members of the LGBTQ+ community.
Al-Anon which offers support and understanding to the families and friends of dependent drinkers. You can call their confidential helpline on 0800 0086 811 (open 10am-10pm). There are lots more resources for families and friends here.
Nacoa support anyone affected by their parent(s) drinking, including adults. Here are some of the questions that children often ask about alcohol and the effects on them and their family. For more information, visit nacoa.org.uk, call 0800 358 3456 or email [email protected]

This ^^ 💯

You are looking for reasons, validation and opinions to support your belief that it's fine for you to drink. Even your title is leading.

Your drinking was chaotic and obsessive and whilst others may say they drank heavily and now can drink moderately I wonder if they were exhibiting the behaviours and single mindedness that you were?

I mean no judgement with that. My ex is long term sober - However I'd have the kids away from him in a heartbeat if he relapsed on even a wine spritzer because of the question -

Why prioritise drinking over the lessons from your past?

He says that too. If he wants a drink so much he's willing to risk 30+ years of sobriety, something is going very wrong.

You're very defensive, for someone who has recently started a thread about getting so drunk you messaged a coworker weirdly and/or inappropriately...