That alcoholism can be cured in certain people?

[teenagehurtbag]

I'm a 30 year old woman. Have drank since I was around 12, it was always problematic for me since my first sip. I had never been able to say no, if I had one drink then I needed 100 more, my personality and behaviour would change completely. I binged most weekends from the age of 14 to 24.

At age 24 my binges turned daily, I would drink at a minimum 1.5 bottles every single night come rain or shine. I would promise myself every morning that I wouldn't drink that night but I always ended up doing it anyways. I functioned find from 24 - 27. Was able to keep being a mum and go to work/university and keep on top of everything and whilst everyone knew I liked a wine, no one knew the extent.

Summer 2019 when I was 27 my drinking got to an unmanageable level. I would drink from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. I would sleep in between and get up and drink more as soon as I woke. My daughter (5 at the time) had to go and live with her dad. All I cared about was alcohol. I was so ill, lost so much weight.

In September 2019 I got help, started counselling. In October 2019 I stopped drinking for 6 months. I really really enjoyed this break from alcohol. It changed everything for me. I got my daughter back in the December 2019.

I started drinking again in March 2020 when lockdown hit. It was a conscious decision and I set myself rules. No drinking when my daughter was with me/coming home, no drinking 2 nights in a row and no drinking in the day.

At first I thought I was doomed as the fact I had to set those rules were enough of a concern. However, 2 years later and I have stuck to each of my rules, have managed to graduate uni, start my masters in September. I can actually drink like a normal person now. For instance the other day I went out with my friends and had two cocktails and went home and didn't drink for the rest of the day.

So many people say drinking in moderation isn't possible and at first I'd of agreed, but two years on and alcohol has about the same grip on me as a McDonalds Big Mac burger

Maybe I wasn't a true alcoholic. Maybe I was drinking to mask depression etc. but every professional I met with during that time claimed I was an alcoholic and on the fast track to lolling myself.

AIBU to think some people can be cured?

Btw not sure why I thought OP said anything about drunk texting, guess I am just tired and getting posts mixed up.

@teenagehurtbag I think sometimes people drink to hide pain and if the trauma can be dealt with, then maybe people can drink sensibly.

The fact your daughter didn't live with you and you've had a long and heavy problematic relationship with alcohol makes me think that the relationship with alcohol you want doesn't exist for you.

And that's ok. An alcohol-free life is quite OK. It's actually quite nice.

Alcohol isn't the problem.like any addiction or similar coping problem it's what s underneath that means you step over into "illness" alcoholic .
So you might be in some qausi recovery.
Because you've worked hard on your depression and got help.thats great.thetefore alcohol is no longer the symptom of your problems.
Like eating disorders aren't food.or heroine isn't what drug addiction is about these are the symptoms of the ACTUAL problem.like drink.
But they are all coping illness.and you haven't got to recovery.because your still having to put rules in place.your still even having to think about it.if you were recovered you wouldn't even see it as a process that needed thought.
In eatingdisorder recovery food doesn't enter as a thought.
In drug addiction drugs no longer need a thought process.
If your in qausi recovery your still in it.and your "illness" is only fooling you that your ok because your actually still drinking.your allowing the illness a step in the door so for now it's ok with this.but believe me,doing it this way it's still meaning it's in control you are in it's waiting room and those rewiring you had to do in the brain to kick it fully haven't happened in full.
You had depression you coped with alcohol.you were amazing to seek help and get out of depression and THAT is why you don't drink like that.but what if the depression comes back or some other hit in the road.
Your having to give rules to keep you on an even keel.im sorry your still in it.its still happy with you lying a little element because your still allowing it's qoata,it's still got you in it's grips,it's satisfied yo wait.(For now)

No chance. Everyone on here thinks they know more about you than you do. Congrats OP and good luck

Until there is the next crisis that life throws at us,,,, then what?

Will you use alcohol as your crutch then

I think once you are an alcoholic, not the type that has binges every so often when out but one that depends on alcohol the way you did, I don't think drinking in moderation works.

You are always going to be an alcoholic who is working on their recovery. You're doing a great job but need to get over alcohol being in your life.

For now it seems to work for you because you are on antidepressants. However, if for some reason you decide to come off of them and can't take one of life's knocks then that dependency is there with alcohol. You should be very careful about this.

One of my parents is an alcoholic who is dependent on alcohol and would claim they never had a problem. They got good at hiding it over the years and what was them having one or two at home lead to more. However, they had a 'knock' in life and now turn up to places where they already smell like beer and slur their words. Their stance is that is was only a couple of beers though, not excessive and they don't need them anyway so there's no problem and that whole shrug off. So my thought is, why do it then?

It's the fact that you cannot cut that relationship with alcohol entirely that says a lot. Re the taste, there are lots of alcohol free wine and mocktails that taste close to the real thing now. However, the feeling you like is either a 'buzz' or, for some people, a numbness. That is exactly what people get hooked on and it's why you can't give it up entirely. It's the same thing with drug addicts, those who seek gratification though sex, etc. You have an addiction.

You might say you could give up if you wanted to but can you really? Just try testing yourself, let a week turn in to months and see how that works.

I think if it were me I would try to honestly ask myself why I want to drink again and what I'm getting out of it. Life is good for you at the moment but you really never know what can happen, and problem drinking doesn't just tend to start overnight, it gradually creeps up (or it has in my experience). But we're all different, and I'm not saying moderation definitely doesn't work for anyone who has had an alcohol problem - it does for some. It's more complicated and in some ways more demanding than total abstinence though.

When you say you had two cocktails and didn't drink for the rest of the day- how early did you drink them? In an average week.what are you drinking? It's great you've managed to stay within your rules but it still sounds like dependency to me especially as you need all those rules. But I get what you're saying- just be careful OP.

My first sponsor in AA used to say to me "you can't kid a kidder!" I'm 10 years sober and am still a recovering alcoholic despite no relapses. Alcoholism is a disease, despite what a pp said, its been a recognised disease for years now. I know many people who died sober after 30+ years of staying sober, it can be done. But there is no moderating, sorry. When you only have 2 drinks, are you really fighting against having more?

I really think that in your case, giving up drinking completely is the best possible outcome.

You'll be at much less risk of relapsing further, you won't have to worry about sticking to your drinking rules, your body health-wise will be much, much improved.

This does come across like a relapse, OP.

The whole concept of a drop of alcohol inevitabily leading a recovered alcohol revert to complete destruction is a very American thing.

Being T Total is of course the best outcome for a recovered alcoholic. That's just common sense. But all that "it's a disease you have no control over" AA stuff is bollocks.

So yes I think you can successfully drink in moderation indefinitely after recovering. I just don't know why you'd want to.

OP, you say that:

I enjoy alcohol, I enjoy the feeling and I don't see why I shouldn't be free to drink when my daughter is at her dads

But you also say that

I think yes, my goal would eventually be no alcohol at all purely due to the way it makes me feel the next day.

So even though drinking makes you feel bad the next day, you still do it? Why? And how does that affect you being with your daughter if you are hungover? Also, you must be drinking a reasonable amount to be getting hangovers?

I have every sympathy with you and you have done well to get this far, but I think you are treading a really dangerous path. You are still prioritising drinking.

OP, why is this worth the risk for you?

You might not be there now, but if you've been in the dark place and struggled to get out, why would you risk going back?

I'm not saying it isn't possible for a recovering alcoholic to go to moderate drinking: everyone is different. But what makes you sure you will stay there?

• I broke my leg around 4 months before I started. No doubt the alcoholism made it 100 times worse, 6 hours surgery and withdrawals in the hospital was not fun.

My daughter (5 at the time) had to go and live with her dad. All I cared about was alcohol.

I think yes, my goal would eventually be no alcohol at all

I made the decision to drink again,
I can't explain it other than it was an absolute decision of the soul.*

The above are all your own words OP. Then you also say...*
I enjoy alcohol, I enjoy the feeling and I don't see why I shouldn't be free to drink*

You know exactly why you shouldn't be free to drink, but like every other alcoholic has done more than once, you are trying to fool yourself and are in complete denial.
You are a ticking time-bomb, there may be a short fuse left, or a long one, but inevitably the fuse will run out, and then then your world (and your daughters) will explode once more.

Alcoholism is progressive. You're in denial.

Interesting premise to some posts- the idea that a conscious decision to start drinking again doesn’t count as a lapse. But I think any ex drinker knows that every lapse always felt like a conscious decision- deciding to have a drink always feels very sensible and well-though out at the time (“I haven’t had a drink since X so I don’t have a problem”, “if anything, having this drink will prove I don’t have a problem!” “This one doesn’t count because I’ve had such a hard day”, “Maybe the fact I know I might have a problem is the thing that makes it ok to have a drink- forewarned is forearmed” Etc etc)

This is part of what addiction is- your conscious mind attempting to rationalise what your unconscious mind directs. It can take a while to get it.

OP you've posted about this before?

I think that it's incredibly tempting to tell yourself that you're over it because for two years you have managed to control things. You might be right and I really hope that you are.

What you describe as your pattern of drinking is consistent with an addiction to alcohol. If that is right then addicts can and do relapse even after very long periods of abstinence and so that's the risk you face I guess.

What would happen do you think if the next time you went out you didn't stop after two? Do you think you have the strength of mind to revert to the rules or will the rules 'adjust' to allow for a bit more drinking because you're in charge of things? And so on and so on until you've undone all your amazing work.

I can see why it might seem likeva pile on to to you butvlook whatvyou achieved whe you weren't drinking. You got a masters. I dont have a problem with drink but ivevno degree, no masters.

You know that alcohol holds you back.

I think lack of motivation lack of bravery, lack of belief hold me back.

You've identified what holds you back and yet you're edging back towards it circling it.

I think the smart decision in yr case would be to make the sacrifice.

Maybe its not that we're all piling on

Maybe it's just really clear on the outside looking in.

You're an alcoholic. Get some therapy and understand what you're doing to yourself.

You were maybe hoping somebody would agree with you. I am an alcoholic, in recovery. And I can’t agree with you either. You need to stop forever. You will always be an alcoholic, it isn’t curable.

You have only managed a few months without alcohol and losing your daughter was not even a wake up call, the pull of alcohol is stronger. And I don’t mean that in the old “you chose alcohol way”, I am an alcoholic and I never chose alcohol over anybody, but I couldn’t help it for a time there.

I know a few people who were a mess with drinking, stopped completely for a long time, are still very cautious with it, but do very occasionally have a couple of drinks.

Their lives are very different now though. The things that "drove them to drink" have been dealt with. Maybe they weren't alcoholics so much as self medicating?

Your poor little girl. Shes already seen you descend to the point where you're drinking all day every day, had her home taken from her, been brought back again, and you're giving it all a very good chance to happen again.

Is the taste and feeling even worth the tiniest opportunity that you put her through it again? You're using her wellbeing as an experiment. And before you justify it, you've already done her damage, but it's unforgivable that you are willingly putting both of you in a situation it could happen again.

Well done OP, that's amazing that you managed to pull yourself out of that destructive lifestyle! Alcoholism is a very emotive subject because it destroys so many lives and families, so I think that's why you're getting the comments you are.

My mum has been sober for 20 years AB's I can't imagine her ever having a healthy relationship with alcohol again. My father in law was sober for a few years then tried drinking socially again. It didn't work for him at all and he ended up problem drinking again.

I'm very curious about your situation. It does sound like you've cracked healthy social drinking, but like everyone else I'd be very nervous about a gradual return to your old habits. It does sound like you've managed it so far though! I just worry for you if your life becomes more stressful or difficult. Wishing you the best of luck 🥰