Please tell me your positive stories of kids being split up in new classes

[Scottishmum1984]

Please help calm my anxiety by telling me some positive stories of your kids coping in new classes.

Child has been split up from her three best friends are all in class together for the last three years of primary school and by DD is by hersed She is beside herself and I am putting on a positive face in front of her, but feeling very worried myself. She is shy and lacks confidence. She does some out of school activities with the girls though. I can't do anything about it, school not interested. Does anyone have stories of your kids managing to maintain friendships despite being split up? I'm so worried about how lonely and isolated she will feel (she is 9 for context).

Yes I’m sure it will help at secondary school.

@tall1234 yes she did, they'd meet up at break and lunchtimes. She'd also see them outside of school too. I had my reservations that she'd lose friendships but it never happened

Thank you!

My son had a lovely but small group of friends until Y6, so much so that I worried he never wanted to do anything if one of the gang wasn't available. School shuffled all the classes and he was on his own.
He was upset but I was not, and even if I had been I would never have given him any suggestion there was something to be worried about.
A year later he went to high school a completely different kid- big new group of friends from his Y6 class, still besties with his old friends and the whole year group has blossomed as they broadened their social circles.
When they go to high school they have to be able to cope with new faces and not always having a good friend close by so it's important they can handle this.
Primary Schools should mix classes regularly to prevent this silo approach to friendships and help kids get used to change. Have never understood why British schools do this.
Your DD will be fine- encourage her to meet up with new friends as well as make time on weekends for the old ones. Also help her understand that her old friends may be spending time with new people as they settled into their new class and that's not a rejection of her.

Dd had a sweet friendship at pre school both went to separate primaries found each other again at secondary!

Happened to me in Y6. They mixed up the classes and also sat us boy-girl-boy-girl. I ended up next to the window with a lad named Michael next to me. We'd never spoken before but ended up getting along so very well. We still played with other friends at break but chatted nineteen to the dozen in class and enjoyed working together.

Thanks!

Both my children have been in split classes over the years and always benefited from it.
At playtime they can all still play together, and you can encourage her to make new friends too.

I'd say if she's shy and a little anxious it will be great for her confidence to meet and get along with new kids.

My son was never ever in a class with his best friend, as they are often silly and would muck about in class, I was actually thankful that the teachers split them up. Teachers often see friendship groups that are not beneficial in a class setting. So it may actually help her come out of her shell a bit more.

There is always play dates and after school stuff to help strengthen friendships too.

Thanks all

DS1 wasn't ever split from a close group of friends at his large primary school. All lovely but when they went on to high school, I felt they all suffered from a need not to expand their friendship group. DS2, on the other hand, made a whole new set of friends. Many of these friendships lasting nearly 30 years so far! There's swings and roundabouts but on the whole, unless a child is so anxious as to be pretty much unable to cope at school - when you'd obviously intervene - then it's mainly a good thing to get used to mixing with a wider range of your peers.

My kids have been split up with their friends many times but they just make new besties.

My experience is that it works well in 99% of cases. My son was extremely distressed though, cried himself to sleep most nights for a year. There were very few other options other than to send him in (Scotland, no governess, what the head says goes, and she certainly didn’t give a shit about pupil welfare). He has now had an autism diagnosis and we were told that being separated from those he gets on with is totally unacceptable. CAMHS have told the school that under no circumstances can he be put with anyone he doesn’t get on with. If only we had the diagnosis earlier, we could have prevented the worst year of his life.

Happened to my ds.

He was also very shy and quiet and it actually meant he came away from friends he hid behind and made a wider circle of friends.

His new friends turned out to be much more like minded to him and it worked out better.

That’s a possible outcome I have to remind myself

Hi. I said I would update when she was in her new term. We started here in Scotland around a month ago.

she’s actually been okay so far so this is a good reminder to me not to catastrophise.

i can see some friendships are definitely moving around already but she has been forming some new bonds with girls in her new class.

Some people suggested she may have been separated on purpose, and this is something I’m considering now as it turns out one child was quite dominant over her and she seems to be benefitting from a bit of separation from her.

still early days of course...

Ds2 was split from his three best friends in year 7. He was in a different population to them, so not even any hope of being in the same classes.
In his tutor group was one kid he’d known from a toddler group, plus one or two kids from his primary that he was at best indifferent about.

He started Sixth form this week. Those friends are still his best friends, they shared a limo to prom together earlier this year, they were gaming online together last night. The friend from toddler group has become a really good friend & he has made loads of other friends.

if you can, be positive about it to her. I was absolutely gutted at the open evening when I realised that had happened, but we went home and ‘sold’ it it to DS as a big adventure. Good luck.

My son's infants and school have missed his classes every year so he is fine with it, always found his other friends at lunch and made new ones.

I'm pleased it's worked out op. I did think it would. I hope dc have a wonderful school year.

Glad to hear it's working well for her OP - it may turn out to be the best thing that could have happened!

Sorry OP, I didn’t realise it was an updated thread. I’m glad it’s working out okay.

My twinnies were split up in Yr 1. I was outraged. Did NOT want them splitting up. Fast forward, it worked out SO well. DD was like a second mummy to DS, buttoning his coat & fastening his shoes. Without her, he had to learn to do those things for himself.
I was wrong, & happy to admit it!

Glad it’s working out ok. My 10 year old son was in the same boat, but he’s making new friends and still sees his ‘best friend’ at breaks abs for play dates. Overall it is a positive thing.

So appreciate everyones words of support then and now!

Two different kids have been through this, one split from her closest friend but best thing ever in terms of her development in terms of friendships. She then had lots in each class as she grew in confidence. She was upset and unsettled for a few months but honestly after that she loved her class and still remained friends with her old friends too, both out of and at school.

Second one ended up with no one she chose (they are allowed to mention 4 people they’d like to be with) but there were 2 she really didn’t want to be with and that was more important to us so we went with it. She has been way happier and more confident in the new class and the new dynamic really brought her out of her shell.

Our school only started mixing at year 3 a few years back and shared lots of data on the benefits and I think it is a real positive. I do totally understand it isn’t ideal for every child though so I do think within the next few months your daughter still isn’t settling I’m sure they’ll consider a change, don’t be shy to ask.

After a year she is being moved, it hasn't been good and she got more and more anxious about school, she has maintained the friends from the last few years at lunch and break and out of school but hasn't made any new connections in her class so they have decided to move her.