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AIBU?

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Original poster

Please tell me your positive stories of kids being split up in new classes

125 replies

Scottishmum1984 · 27/06/2022 21:41

Please help calm my anxiety by telling me some positive stories of your kids coping in new classes.

Child has been split up from her three best friends are all in class together for the last three years of primary school and by DD is by hersed She is beside herself and I am putting on a positive face in front of her, but feeling very worried myself. She is shy and lacks confidence. She does some out of school activities with the girls though. I can't do anything about it, school not interested. Does anyone have stories of your kids managing to maintain friendships despite being split up? I'm so worried about how lonely and isolated she will feel (she is 9 for context).

OP posts:

Feetache · 27/06/2022 23:59

My DC okay with best mates at lunch. They have classmates, sports mates etc. Good to mix it up. There will have been a logic to the split but they may not share it.

Bagpuss2022 · 28/06/2022 00:16

My DD was with the same 2 best friends from yR straight through to y6 the best thing ever was moving to high school the queen bee moved and the two that were left are still best friends but different classes different forms they have made a new lovey group of friends and they are still as close

wizzler · 28/06/2022 00:22

Happened to Dd in year 5. She was worried about it before starting new term but actually it was all fine and she looks back on that year as one of her happiest.
It also meant that she was not overly concerned when she moved to secondary.. she had already been out of her comfort zone . Friends who had not had to deal with being split up from their friendship group found it more daunting

tall1234 · 28/06/2022 06:55

Yes I hadn’t really thought of the high school thing.

rainbowandglitter · 28/06/2022 07:08

Do you think it's because she's so shy they're trying to help her with that by encouraging her to speak to other people?

tall1234 · 28/06/2022 07:12

@rainbowandglitter maybe... but is it or harder for shy ones?

Summerwhereareyou · 28/06/2022 07:15

Hi op I had one dc who was always on the wrong end of mixing and in the end it really affect her. So I campaign to get her moved.
The other,the. most anxious one seems ok with it! Her bf is in another class.

justfiveminutes · 28/06/2022 07:22

Hi op. Our school does this every year.

It is a massive job trying to rearrange four classes per year group whilst ensuring a mix of gender and ability, placing SEN with the right TAs, consideration of classroom layout/location for some. We also have to split children with a history of serious conflict, and try to make sure that everyone is with at least one of their friends too.

Every year parents and children get very worried about it, and we usually have at least a handful of complaints and requests to move - the answer is always no, because it would set a precedent and open the floodgates.

What I will say is that I have never had a child who hasn't settled into their new class. They maintain old friendships at playtime and lunch, and parents often continue to support them out of school. Next year, they might be together again.

Feedback from parents further along the line often say it is great preparation for secondary and that their children coped better with the changes and expectations of Y7 because of those experiences.

It can be hard on some initially but good to expand your circle, make new friendships and meet new people. I hope your child settles in and enjoys her new class.

hangrylady · 28/06/2022 07:28

They tried to do this to my son at the start of year 5. I wrote a polite but firm email to the Head and she switched his class. I'm not 'that parent' and never complain but I was simply not having it. Do the same OP, straight to the top, don't bother speaking to the teacher first.

CaptainBeakyandhisband · 28/06/2022 07:30

This is the norm in my school and there is always a bit of chaos each year and tbh I don’t think parents help matters. I think the kids will find out in the next few days and tbh I’m dreading it. My own kids are pretty ok about it but we just try and look for the positives. Occasionally there is a situation where it seems a single child has been excluded from their main social group but there are always some other children the child in question is known to interact with. A lot of time and effort goes into allocating classes, but it is rarely appreciated by parents. Class time is often working in the same small (non friendship) groups, and play time is across the whole year group so she will still be able to play at break time.

The best thing you can do is to try and list with her the positives. If she can’t do that it’s about acknowledging her feelings but not feeding them, and perhaps set some milestones/personal challenges, eg find a new friend, review at this date. I’m sure she will be fine, but your attitude to this is so important imo - the parents I know who make a big deal of it are undermining the school, and I’ve seen children disengage with their new class group over reinforcement of the idea that they should be in the other group as that’s where their friends are.

tall1234 · 28/06/2022 07:31

@hangrylady I tried that sadly

MooseBreath · 28/06/2022 07:32

This happened to me as a child! I was quite shy and tended to only really talk and play with my best friend and two other girls. I was put in a class without any of my friends.

It was the best thing for me, as it turned out. I learned to make new friends and was more able to find interests for me as opposed to just what my (more outgoing) best friend would like.

I was 11 at the time. Best friend and I are very close 20+ years later.

tall1234 · 28/06/2022 07:32

@justfiveminutes thank you, it’s very reassuring to hear from a teacher perspective, very!

Sheffieldissunny · 28/06/2022 07:34

They split ours up routinely after yr3. It really helped DC as they were being bullied by a group which was split up by the move. Sorry doesn't help your situation just wanted to say how sometimes it helps those who are not doing do good

tall1234 · 28/06/2022 07:39

Yeah I kind of wish it was a case of bad friendships but they are really nice.

redskyatnight · 28/06/2022 07:44

Positive story incoming ...
At DC's school they split them every year, but tried to keep some friends together. DC just got on and made new friends and generally ended up with a wider friendships group, with also the benefit by about Year 4/5 of being able to "lose" those that they'd been friends with earlier but no longer had much in common with.

DD had a best friend since nursery who'd been with her in YR and Y2 but then got split up in Y3.
She made a new best friend in Y1 who was with her in Y5 as well.

They all went to the same secondary school and made completely new sets of friends and didn't really have much to do with each other.
In Year 11, they are all (3 of them) back as the same wider friendship group of girls. They've just been to a post-exam celebration together (12 in total).
If friends are good friends, they'll find their way back together :)

tall1234 · 28/06/2022 07:53

That’s nice thanks @redskyatnight

psychomath · 28/06/2022 08:00

This kept happening to me in both primary and secondary - primary because I was born at a different time of year than most of my friends and secondary because my surname was in a different part of the alphabet. It was annoying but I don't remember anything really bad coming of it, even though I was also shy as a child. I don't think I made any new best friends but I did get to know some other people and it wasn't the end of the world. Presumably they'll still get to play together at break and lunch as well?

psychomath · 28/06/2022 08:08

By the way I really really struggled making friends when I first moved to secondary (think I cried every day for almost a year because I was lonely and missed my primary friends) but by year 9 had ended up with a great group of friends who I'm still in contact with decades later. Exact same story when I started uni. So please don't panic if she doesn't find her people straight away, it doesn't mean it won't happen.

tall1234 · 28/06/2022 08:09

@psychomath so you still maintained the original friendships?
yeh they still have break and lunch together thankfully.

tall1234 · 28/06/2022 08:09

I would actually love her to make some new friends of course, it’s just hard to imagine it as she is another level shy, hopefully though.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 28/06/2022 08:29

so you still maintained the original friendships?

I would say, realistically, the original friendships drift a bit. The classes go in to lunch in turn, so unless DS got his lunch and then waited around to sit with his old friends, he doesn't end up eating with them. And then when they go out to play...he could ditch the new friends he's been with all day to go and hang out with his old friends (who of course have also made new friends in their new class), but then would his new friends be so keen to keep playing with him? Over time the groups just change.

But certainly in the unlikely event that your DD didn't make new friends she would still have the option of playing with the old group, especially as you will be seeing them outside school.

TinyTear · 28/06/2022 08:31

@Scottishmum1984 at my kids school they do mix and match a bit

y5 one stayed with 2 friends but one moved to the other class, and it's fine they still all play at break and do an activity

i tell them that classtime isn't for talking anyway and they have the breaks at the same time...

girls are still happy and make other friends

Savoretti · 28/06/2022 08:32

My Dd was in the same boat. They were a group of 3 and the other two were together. It did her the world of good. She started off by still playing with them at lunchtime but soon moved on and makes new friends. Did so much for her confidence rather than sticking with the two she knew so well

ItsSnowJokes · 28/06/2022 08:37

My child's school mix them up every year. It really does help build resilience and also give them wider friendship groups. They can still play in the playground at break and lunch etc.....

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